Another Two-In-One

Sorry about that. This week it was the flu, and man was it a bitch. It's been years since I last had the flu, and so help me God, it'll be years before I endure it again. If I have to live henceforth in a cave in Antarctica, I will not have the flu again in this lifetime.

At any rate, no way was I going to do a re-cap earlier in the week, and now I don't have time for separate posts.

As before, re-cap first:

Raiders over Chiefs, 13-10
My Pick: Chiefs over Raiders, 24-21
Much is being made of Todd Haley's performance on the sidelines in this one. Jamarcus Russell, too, was abysmal. What a depressing fart-bag the AFC West has turned into. It's becoming quite clear how terribly wrong about Todd Haley I may have been. Time will tell. I think we can say, for sure, that he's got a long way to go before he becomes a serviceable NFL head coach.

Texans over Titans, 34-31
My Pick: Titans over Texans, 28-23
That's more like it. Houston should be scoring points like this week in and week out. And it's looking more and more like I was spot on in my preseason evaluation of the 2009 Titans. They're like a refrigerator full of 3 year old condiment bottles, old, clouded Tupperwares jammed way in the back, a handful of ancient cups of yogurt, and at least one fully separated bottle of what used to be milk. Then sitting up front, is a delicious hunk of chocolate cake, made yesterday. You know that cake'll be scrumptious, but that's about it. And the longer that cake sits in there with the detritus, the faster it's going to turn into a foul, molded, piece of shit.

Chris Johnson is the cake. Kerry Collins is the milk.

Jets over Patriots, 16-9
My Pick: Jets over Patriots, 27-24
That's right. I picked it.

Bengals over Packers, 31-24
My Pick: Packers over Bengals, 19-13
Yuk. Boo on the motherfucking Packers for suckering me in again in 2009. If the Bengals don't win 10 games in 2009, the Packers owe it to me and their fans to go sit on a grenade.

Vikings over Lions, 27-13
My Pick: Vikings over Lions, 30-17
Yep.

Saints over Eagles, 48-22
My Pick: Saints over Eagles, 27-17
Typical of the Iggles to pull an apathetic no-show when a key offensive starter is out. They still have that flaw in them, floating around. Don't be surprised if the Eagles flake out any number of times this season.

Falcons over Panthers, 28-20
My Pick: Falcons over Panthers, 34-21
Man, were there any memorable games or performances in week 2?

Redskins over Rams, 9-7
My Pick: Redskins over Rams, 34-16
So the Redskins didn't score in the redzone.

Here's a list of things I'm not going to do about that:
1. I'm not going to advocate for the firing of a first-time head coach with a 9-9 career record.
2. I'm not going to throw the Redskins in the garbage for only winning a game by 3 points.
3. I'm not going to go from believing a talented team can compete for their division to thinking of them as a bottom-tier team. The Redskins went 8-8 in the NFC East in 2008 and were in the wildcard hunt until late in the season, with a first-time head coach.

I'm sick beyond the point of exhaustion with Redskins fans. Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING that I saw on Sunday was even remotely enough for me to change my overall impression of this team; they've got talent, they've got professionals, they're working hard, I'm proud to root for them. They're obviously not ready to win a Super Bowl. So fucking what? They've played TWO GAMES in 2009. SETTLE DOWN.

It could be much, MUCH worse. They could have Mike Shanahan as their coach, and they could have traded for Jay Cutler. They are exceedingly worth rooting for. So they're clumsy and often clueless in key spots. What the fuck? I've become such a scumbag, jaded football fan that I can't stomach supporting a team with good, likable players on it because they're clumsy and often clueless?

Nope. No. It could be infinitely worse. And if the 2009 Redskins collapse, starting with a loss to the Lions on Sunday, it will be infinitely worse; Jim Zorn will be fired, Jason Campbell will be a free-agent, Mike Shanahan (or some similar mercenary) will be coaching here, there'll be years of turnover and turmoil, and I won't give two shits about the Redskins anymore.

So in the meantime, I'm going to root like crazy for the hapless underdog. I love underdogs. For the first time in 15 years, the Redskins are a lovable underdog. The rest of the NFL fans in the world may hate the Skins for their previous splurging on free-agents, their obnoxious name, and yes, their contemptible, utterly clueless fans, but for at least these last few hours of sunset, I'm going to enjoy the little tiny parts of this franchise that are still worth giving a shit about. There'll be plenty of time to loathe them when Dan Snyder says "screw the facade," goes like this, and initiates another 10 year cycle of full-blown foundering.

So there.

They won the fucking game, for crying out loud.

Cardinals over Jaguars, 31-17
My Pick: Jaguars over Cardinals, 24-23
The Jaguars are putrid. They pulled a no-show in their home opener, just like their fans.

49ers over Seahawks, 23-10
My Pick: Seahawks over 49ers, 20-14
Yep, I'm kicking myself for that pick. I really shat the bed on Sunday.

Bills over Bucs, 33-20
My Pick: Bills over Bucs, 31-27
Nothing. Nothing to say, at all.

Broncos over Browns, 27-6
My Pick: Browns over Broncos, 11-8
What was I thinking?

Ravens over Chargers, 31-26
My Pick: Chargers over Ravens, 27-24
Yes, the Ravens are every bit that good. They're probably the best team in the AFC. What an amazing job Ozzie Newsome has done building that team.

Bears over Steelers, 17-14
My Pick: Steelers over Bears, 17-12
A win over Pittsburgh is a good win, anywhere, under any circumstances. I still don't like the Bears, but I'll give them this win; they beat the Super Bowl champs, and that's worth a damn.

Giants over Cowboys, 33-31
My Pick: Giants over Cowboys, 34-31
Read it and weep, motherfuckers. Not only did I pick it, I hit the score to within a single digit. Cower in the corner while your mothers line up to blow me.

Tony Romo cost the Cowboys this one.

Colts over Dolphins, 27-23
My Pick: Colts over Dolphins, 21-19
It's almost impossible to believe a team could hold the ball for more than 45 minutes and still lose a game. Amazingly, I came away from this game feeling better about the Dolphins than the Colts. We always knew the Colts would be able to score points, but if their defense is really that bad, there's just no way they're winning anything down the stretch this season.

Now, some quick picks:

Tennessee @ New York Jets
The Line: New York Jets by 2.5
Should be a slugfest. If the Titans lose, stick a fork in 'em. And I do think they'll lose.
Jets over Titans, 17-10

Jacksonville @ Houston
The Line: Houston by 4
I expect another good showing from Houston's offense. Jacksonville couldn't be bothered to muster together any kind of effort at home in week 2, I don't see them getting too pumped for a road game in Houston.
Texans over Jaguars, 35-23

Kansas City @ Philadelphia
The Line: Philadelphia by 8.5
This could be an interesting game. Either team could totally implode. Philly's home fans won't sit still for long if the Iggles start slow. On the opposite sideline, it's possible Todd Haley'll pull one of these when the Chiefs get their first minor procedural penalty. Actually, nothing would surprise me in this game. Not even the Chiefs winning. (No, I'm not picking the Chiefs.)
Eagles over Chiefs, 23-20

Cleveland @ Baltimore
The Line: Baltimore by 13.5
Should be a bloodbath.
Ravens over Browns, 27-6

New York Giants @ Tampa Bay
The Line: New York Giants by 6.5
Giants win.
Giants over Bucs, 30-16

Washington @ Detroit
The Line: Washington by 6.5
That, my friends, is a ridiculous line. The Redskins might win one game all season by 6 or more points, and this from a guy who still thinks they could win more than 9 games.
Redskins over Lions, 19-17

Green Bay @ St. Louis
The Line: Green Bay by 6.5
That, my friends, is another ridiculous line. Green Bay has to earn it first. They lost 11 games last year and they just got dumped at Lambeau by the Bengals.
Packers over Rams, 20-16

San Francisco @ Minnesota
The Line: Minnesota by 7
That, my friends, is another ridiculous line. Fuck it, I'm taking San Francisco. One of these teams is making a statement on Sunday. Who wants to put their money on that team being coached by a grocery store manager?
49ers over Vikings, 21-20

Atlanta @ New England
The Line: New England by 4.5
Tough game to predict. I'll be rooting hard for the Falcons, and I firmly believe they're the better team, but I'm picking the Pats. I still think of them as the Big Bad Wolf, I can't predict them losing at home yet.
Patriots over Falcons, 31-27

This just in: Apparently both Wes Welker and Randy Moss are doubtful for this game. If they're out, the Patriots will lose 34-21.

Chicago @ Seattle
The Line: Chicago by 2.5
Seattle is just too banged up for me to pick them over any competent team.
Bears over Seahawks, 20-14

New Orleans @ Buffalo
The Line: New Orleans by 6
Hard to know what to make of this game, or the line. For Buffalo to only lose by 6, conventional wisdom says they'll need to score roughly 75 points. On the other hand, New Orleans is going to lose this season, which means at least once or twice they're going to have an off day. Could this be one of them?

Sure, why not?

Upset Special!
Bills over Saints, 35-33

Miami @ San Diego
The Line: San Diego by 6
Could be a tight one. I'm taking the home team, but nothing would surprise me.
Chargers over Dolphins, 28-27

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
The Line: Pittsburgh by 3.5
The Steelers should win this game. We'll learn a whole lot about both teams if Cincinnati pulls the upset. My money's on Pittsburgh, but I'll have an eye on this one.
Steelers over Bengals, 17-14

Denver @ Oakland
The Line: Denver by 1.5
Oh honestly, who cares?
Broncos over Raiders, 4-2

Indianapolis @ Arizona
The Line: Arizona by 2.5
This is a big-time "show me" game, and a brilliant piece of scheduling by the NFL. This game could go any of a million ways.

Shockingly, I'm picking the Cardinals.
Cardinals over Colts, 35-27

Carolina @ Dallas
The Line: Dallas by 8.5
Should be a massacre.
Cowboys over Panthers, 38-21

That's it!

I'm hoping to get a vacation re-cap before the my memories are all made mush by what's left of the flu. Maybe that'll be next week.

Go Skynards!