I can't believe I haven't uttered a peep about the Taylor-Pavlik middleweight fight on Saturday.
Well here it is:
The Andre Berto-David Estrada fight was very interesting. I first heard of Andre Berto when my brother sent me a breathless email about 9 months ago after he'd seen Berto fight. I was intrigued, so I looked him up. It turns out he has a number of highlights on YouTube, and I watched as many as I could. The only ones I really remember now are from his "fight" against Nito Bravo, whom I recognized from The Contender on ESPN. I liked Nito, I thought he was a gutsy guy with a big heart, but I didn't think he was much of a fighter at all, which is pretty consistent with all the chumps on The Contender. There's no point to that show. It's a real stinker, really just an excuse for Sugar Ray Leonard to act eerily similar to how I'd expect Isiah Thomas to act, and for 5 poor rounds of the crappiest gold-glove baloney boxing ever televised. I think Nito came in second or third, I can't remember. Anyway, Berto destroyed him, which is what exciting young prospects do to washed up never-were old turds. He made Bravo into a tune-up, and Bravo made Berto look like Neo.
What stood out was Berto's intriguing mix of athleticism and ferocity. A lot of times a really athletic fighter does a lot of dancing, moving, defending, counter-punching, scoring, and - let's face it - running. They tend to waste a lot of motion on the whole "not fighting" part of fighting. I love to watch guys like Mayweather, Roy Jones Jr., Winky Wright, etc., but I prefer to watch guys like . . .well . . .Andre Berto. He appeared to have the quickness, conditioning, and fluidity to move and frustrate Bravo, and he certainly had the hand speed to counter punch all day. I remember being impressed with the way he used subtle movements to defend, but was always in range to do damage and stayed on the offensive, it kind of reminded me of a lighter James Toney. He had probably one of the scariest hooks I've seen, flooring Bravo three times with brutal efficiency before the fight was stopped in the first round. I read a lot of commentary suggesting the Berto has already developed a reputation as a terrific finisher, and with his fast hands and shocking power, it's easy to see why.
Anyway, I recognized David Estrada from a game effort he gave against Kermit Cintron. He's a gutsy tough guy of a fighter, one who moves forward, punches hard, fights smart and with confidence, and generally challenges his opponent. Cintron put him down eventually, but I remembered him for his effort. This was seen as a step-up fight for Berto, and I can buy that.
This one had a little blood and guts to it. Neither guy moved or defended especially well, and there were times in the fight, especially the early and early-mid rounds when I thought both guys were in trouble. I was a little disappointed to see that Berto isn't a tremendous defensive fighter and never used his athleticism to get away from Estrada. It was clear that Berto's punches had a lot more pop and he was doing a lot more damage, but it really looked to me like he couldn't get out of the way of body shots and took more damage than he needed to. Watching Berto mix it up, take a little punishment, deliver thundering combinations and generally dominate the fight, and all with a look like he was truly enjoying himself, I kept thinking of Hines Ward. Berto reminds me of the way Ward seems to enjoy the hard knocks, loves the challenge, and thrives on competing.
Anyway, it was only a matter of time. Berto busted up Estrada's face pretty good and wobbled him several times. Estrada stuck around, battling the whole way, just like he did against Cintron. He landed 39 percent of his punches and like I said, there were times I thought Berto was in big trouble, but in the 11th, Berto hit Estrada with one of the hardest short right hands you'll ever see in your life, and Estrada went straight backwards and down. He never should have gotten up, his corner never should have let him get up, and the referee sure as hell should have stopped it right then. Estrada had nothing left, his legs were gone, and he was reeling. Berto pounced and landed a devastating flurry, and the ref finally stepped in.
This was a very entertaining fight, and Berto is now ranked number 2 in two sanctioning bodies, so he should very soon be looking at a title fight. As a welterweight, he'll be standing in with some heavier punchers than Estrada, so he'll need to work on his movement and defense, but he's a lot of fun to watch. My only issue with this undercard was right at the end, I felt that someone should have stepped in on Estrada's behalf after the knockdown. He had taken a lot of punishment, he was clearly behind, and he had just been nuked by a real devastator of a straight right. He wasn't going to win the fight, and he sure as hell didn't need any more damage.
Oh, right, in other news, I leapt from my chair and made an embarrassing noise like an owl on steroids and PCP when Jermaine Taylor knocked down Kelly Pavlik in the second round. There was a moment of blood in the water, and nice-guy Jermaine Taylor went nuts. He let loose a wild, exhausting flurry and landed a fair number, and when a guy like Jermaine Taylor loads up and lets loose and LANDS a few, someone is going down. It was a breathtaking moment. Jermaine Taylor wears 160 pounds better than any other middleweight, he's a freakish athlete with incredible power, and in his last three fights he has almost never cut loose. I felt like that flurry was 37 rounds worth of coiled energy, frustration, and anxiety. Too bad it left him completely flat for the next two rounds, and he couldn't put Pavlik away. Pavlik has a big heart and a shit-load of guts for getting up and surviving and then working his way back. All night you could see Pavlik was waiting to land his big right, walking straight in behind his long jab and just turning his frame and cocking his right shoulder enough that you got a little scared for Taylor, especially against the ropes. Somehow the judges had Taylor way ahead, but I insist that was the dreaded "champion tax" being paid by Pavlik, because I saw Pavlik moving Taylor around the ring and landing bigger punches, and though Taylor was game and explosive, after the knockdown he looked tired and frustrated. Early on in the seventh I tought Taylor was in big trouble, and then Pavlik finally landed a short, brutal, straight right hand when Taylor's head was cocked just so, and man was it over immediately. Pavlik smelled a little blood and worked efficiently and in close, dropping Taylor after a series of sharp, thudding uppercuts. The ref made the right call here; though Taylor was in the fight the whole way, he was basically out on his feet, and there was no way, barring a miracle, that he could have finished the fight if he'd gotten up after that.
It's going to be a great fall for boxing, can't wait for the Hatton-Mayweather finale.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I'm Turning In My Scrotum, Balls and All
How does a losing loser with no balls react to a putrid 11-19 stretch over the last two weeks? Does he do something truly heroic and flip a coin for each matchup? No, he bitches out and picks all but three home teams. Now for the picks:
Miami @ Houston
I could sum up my rationale for this pick by simply pointing out that the Texans are at home, but that would be bitchy and annoying. I prefer the Texans to the Dolphins, and the Dolphins are 0-4. Therefore, I am taking Miami. See how I've turned into a goddamn woman in two weeks?
Texans over Dolphins, 24-13 I can't stand the Dolphins. I think Cam Cameron is a turd, Trent Green is a washed-up, never-that-good-in-the-first-place disaster, and the Dolphins need a big-time rebuilding. And new uniforms, for God's sake.
Jacksonville @ Kansas City
This is the match-up of phony head-coaches and the poor son-of-a-bitches who have to play for them. I considered going with the coach who I dislike more, but decided I need to stay away from making the emotional picks. Then I thought I'd go with the home team, but reconsidered, thinking that maybe I'd allow myself just a bit of freedom. I took a look at the two teams and thought about which team I'd pick if my life depended on the outcome of the game. I have to take the Jags. Screw you, Del Rio.
Jaguars over Chiefs, 20-17 Oooh, I just finished typing that, and I got the feeling. I don't know what I'll do if (when) the Chiefs are 3-2.
New York Jets @ New York Giants
Ah yes, the old mutual home-game these two lucky teams get to play every so often. Nevertheless, I'm going with the home team (yuk yuk yuk). Besides, I think the Giants are more talented. Hell, Plaxico Burress is more talented all by himself, and the Jets can't muster a pass rush at all. I'm having a hard time with the fact that I just picked Tom Coughlin one paragraph after picking Jack Del Rio. I need a shower. And some steel wool.
Giants over Jets, 28-20
Carolina @ New Orleans
Ok, I'm going out on a limb here, and it doesn't feel good. I hope New Orleans is better than their record. I hope Drew Brees isn't the tap-dancing turkey I saw in week 3. I hope Sean Payton has figured out what was ailing his team. I'm not saying the Saints are playoff-bound, but surely they must be better than they've played so far, right? They do have a Pro Bowl quarterback, a Heisman winning tailback, an NFC Championship quality something-or-other. Well, at least they're at home.
Saints over Panthers, 31-21
Cleveland @ New England
I'm only picking them because they're at home, ok? A man has got to have principals he lives by.
Patriots over Browns, 41-10
Detroit @ Washington
I'm taking the home team. And I'm a homer. Detroit is a scary team. Washington is only a year removed from being the worst defense in the NFL, and they still haven't really figured out their pass rush issues. Kitna has put up incredible numbers despite being sacked an ungodly number of times, imagine what he could do against a team that can't muster much pressure. Yikes.
Redskins over Lions, 28-27 The Redskins will need to score 28 points to win this game. I'm not sure they can do it without Santana Moss (who may not play), and Clinton Portis (who may not play). Yikes, I say.
Atlanta @ Tennessee
I just friggin' like the Titans a lot more than the Falcons, and I can't handle another exciting "quality" team falling to another toilet-snake, roadkill team. I'm sick of it. Tennessee should win this game, I don't care if they play it in Arthur Blank's swimming pool. It helps that they're at home.
Titans over Falcons, 30-14 That's a lot of scoring for the Titans, but they move the ball really well and showed that they can force turnovers against the Saints. Plus I'm excited to see what Jeff Fisher did with his team during the bye. I trust him to prepare.
Arizona @ St. Louis
Sooner or later, the Rams are bound to win a game. I don't think it will be against the Cardinals, but the Cards are primed for a boner after their emotional win against the Steelers. I'm making an exception to my "go with the home team" rule, and it smells like bullshit in the making. Screw it.
Cardinals over Rams, 38-10 I think the Rams will find the endzone in this game, and it won't be Dante Hall. They played one of the worst defensive games I've seen against the Cowboys on Sunday, and the Cardinals have some serious weapons.
Seattle @ Pittsburgh
Do I stick my neck out there and make a couple of reasonable-sounding points about why I'm picking this one the way I am? Or do I just fall back on my gutless, spineless, ball-less rule of the week? That's right, you betcha. If I'm right, maybe I'll gloat a little and do the whole "here's why I knew it all along" routine. Until then, I'm keeping my balls in a safe. At the bottom of the ocean. On Uranus.
Steelers over Seahawks, 17-13
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis
This might be an interesting game. The Colts have a number of injury concerns. So do the Bucs. Both team are cruising. Both defenses are playing well. I expect both teams to look sharp and prepared. And I expect the home team to pull it off.
Colts over Bucs, 20-16
Baltimore @ San Francisco
I think this game is a real gut-check for both teams. If Baltimore wins, they are legitimate again. If they lose, they're toast, and there will be some upheaval. If Frisco wins, they're legit. If they lose, they are officially back to playing for the future. I think it's a close game on paper, with the edge going to the team I'm not picking, because they're not at home. That is so pathetic.
49ers over Ravens, 19-14
San Diego @ Denver
Denver is a bullshit 2-2. Oakland is a better team than Denver. Oakland, as it turns out, might be the best team in the AFC West. San Diego, on the other hand, is on the road. Oh right, and they suck ass and are one more loss from someone getting fired. Probably Norv.
Broncos over Chargers, 27-24 Remember what I said about not picking the Chargers until they got back to .500? Well there you have it. I can't stand the Broncos.
Chicago @ Green Bay
Go Packers. There's no reason to let Chicago up off the mat. They stink, they have no offense whatsoever, and their defense can't carry the world on their shoulders. The Packers defense should have no trouble in this game. All they need to do is score two touchdowns and they should win.
Packers over Bears, 14-6
Dallas @ Buffalo
I prefer the Bills to the Cowboys, but I might actually prefer that the Cowboys pull this one off. At this point, all I want is the good teams to play well and the bad teams to stink. I need the NFL to firm up a little. The Cowboys should win this game, dammit!
Cowboys over Bills, 35-10
There you have it. If I have a good week, I might go back to actually thinking about these games before I pick 'em, but I need a system right now, or I might never get back to .500. If this doesn't work, I'm going to start picking the team with the better record every game.
Go Skynards.
Miami @ Houston
I could sum up my rationale for this pick by simply pointing out that the Texans are at home, but that would be bitchy and annoying. I prefer the Texans to the Dolphins, and the Dolphins are 0-4. Therefore, I am taking Miami. See how I've turned into a goddamn woman in two weeks?
Texans over Dolphins, 24-13 I can't stand the Dolphins. I think Cam Cameron is a turd, Trent Green is a washed-up, never-that-good-in-the-first-place disaster, and the Dolphins need a big-time rebuilding. And new uniforms, for God's sake.
Jacksonville @ Kansas City
This is the match-up of phony head-coaches and the poor son-of-a-bitches who have to play for them. I considered going with the coach who I dislike more, but decided I need to stay away from making the emotional picks. Then I thought I'd go with the home team, but reconsidered, thinking that maybe I'd allow myself just a bit of freedom. I took a look at the two teams and thought about which team I'd pick if my life depended on the outcome of the game. I have to take the Jags. Screw you, Del Rio.
Jaguars over Chiefs, 20-17 Oooh, I just finished typing that, and I got the feeling. I don't know what I'll do if (when) the Chiefs are 3-2.
New York Jets @ New York Giants
Ah yes, the old mutual home-game these two lucky teams get to play every so often. Nevertheless, I'm going with the home team (yuk yuk yuk). Besides, I think the Giants are more talented. Hell, Plaxico Burress is more talented all by himself, and the Jets can't muster a pass rush at all. I'm having a hard time with the fact that I just picked Tom Coughlin one paragraph after picking Jack Del Rio. I need a shower. And some steel wool.
Giants over Jets, 28-20
Carolina @ New Orleans
Ok, I'm going out on a limb here, and it doesn't feel good. I hope New Orleans is better than their record. I hope Drew Brees isn't the tap-dancing turkey I saw in week 3. I hope Sean Payton has figured out what was ailing his team. I'm not saying the Saints are playoff-bound, but surely they must be better than they've played so far, right? They do have a Pro Bowl quarterback, a Heisman winning tailback, an NFC Championship quality something-or-other. Well, at least they're at home.
Saints over Panthers, 31-21
Cleveland @ New England
I'm only picking them because they're at home, ok? A man has got to have principals he lives by.
Patriots over Browns, 41-10
Detroit @ Washington
I'm taking the home team. And I'm a homer. Detroit is a scary team. Washington is only a year removed from being the worst defense in the NFL, and they still haven't really figured out their pass rush issues. Kitna has put up incredible numbers despite being sacked an ungodly number of times, imagine what he could do against a team that can't muster much pressure. Yikes.
Redskins over Lions, 28-27 The Redskins will need to score 28 points to win this game. I'm not sure they can do it without Santana Moss (who may not play), and Clinton Portis (who may not play). Yikes, I say.
Atlanta @ Tennessee
I just friggin' like the Titans a lot more than the Falcons, and I can't handle another exciting "quality" team falling to another toilet-snake, roadkill team. I'm sick of it. Tennessee should win this game, I don't care if they play it in Arthur Blank's swimming pool. It helps that they're at home.
Titans over Falcons, 30-14 That's a lot of scoring for the Titans, but they move the ball really well and showed that they can force turnovers against the Saints. Plus I'm excited to see what Jeff Fisher did with his team during the bye. I trust him to prepare.
Arizona @ St. Louis
Sooner or later, the Rams are bound to win a game. I don't think it will be against the Cardinals, but the Cards are primed for a boner after their emotional win against the Steelers. I'm making an exception to my "go with the home team" rule, and it smells like bullshit in the making. Screw it.
Cardinals over Rams, 38-10 I think the Rams will find the endzone in this game, and it won't be Dante Hall. They played one of the worst defensive games I've seen against the Cowboys on Sunday, and the Cardinals have some serious weapons.
Seattle @ Pittsburgh
Do I stick my neck out there and make a couple of reasonable-sounding points about why I'm picking this one the way I am? Or do I just fall back on my gutless, spineless, ball-less rule of the week? That's right, you betcha. If I'm right, maybe I'll gloat a little and do the whole "here's why I knew it all along" routine. Until then, I'm keeping my balls in a safe. At the bottom of the ocean. On Uranus.
Steelers over Seahawks, 17-13
Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis
This might be an interesting game. The Colts have a number of injury concerns. So do the Bucs. Both team are cruising. Both defenses are playing well. I expect both teams to look sharp and prepared. And I expect the home team to pull it off.
Colts over Bucs, 20-16
Baltimore @ San Francisco
I think this game is a real gut-check for both teams. If Baltimore wins, they are legitimate again. If they lose, they're toast, and there will be some upheaval. If Frisco wins, they're legit. If they lose, they are officially back to playing for the future. I think it's a close game on paper, with the edge going to the team I'm not picking, because they're not at home. That is so pathetic.
49ers over Ravens, 19-14
San Diego @ Denver
Denver is a bullshit 2-2. Oakland is a better team than Denver. Oakland, as it turns out, might be the best team in the AFC West. San Diego, on the other hand, is on the road. Oh right, and they suck ass and are one more loss from someone getting fired. Probably Norv.
Broncos over Chargers, 27-24 Remember what I said about not picking the Chargers until they got back to .500? Well there you have it. I can't stand the Broncos.
Chicago @ Green Bay
Go Packers. There's no reason to let Chicago up off the mat. They stink, they have no offense whatsoever, and their defense can't carry the world on their shoulders. The Packers defense should have no trouble in this game. All they need to do is score two touchdowns and they should win.
Packers over Bears, 14-6
Dallas @ Buffalo
I prefer the Bills to the Cowboys, but I might actually prefer that the Cowboys pull this one off. At this point, all I want is the good teams to play well and the bad teams to stink. I need the NFL to firm up a little. The Cowboys should win this game, dammit!
Cowboys over Bills, 35-10
There you have it. If I have a good week, I might go back to actually thinking about these games before I pick 'em, but I need a system right now, or I might never get back to .500. If this doesn't work, I'm going to start picking the team with the better record every game.
Go Skynards.
A Bed-Crapping for the Ages
I spent Sunday and Monday in various stages of agony over my performance in Week 4. Not just my picks, but my fantasy team. The wings have come off my fantasy jumbo-jet and it's in full-blown nose-dive. I stink. I laughed out loud when reviewing my two posts about my picks for week 4. This stuff is genuinely guffaw-worthy:
-I had Miami over Oakland 16-13. I made quite a case for Oakland, citing their superior special-teams play and the fact that they've been tough in several games and ought to have a better record, then I bitched out and picked Miami. I was afraid of home-field advantage, and I had something to prove by sticking with my early prediction. What a friggin' asshole. Miami is a terrible team, and I think there's a chance that Cam Cameron's persistent recruiting of Trent Green could very well cost him his job. That and the fact that he's a shit coach.
-"There's almost no reason to pick the Bills over the Jets"; "I expect Thomas Jones to have another big game"; "I picked the Jets by 18 points, and I still think it’d take a great effort from the Bills to make it any closer." Those are classic lines! The Jets in a blowout! Holy friggin' shit.
-I picked Houston by a touchdown, but I had the sense to note that I thought it was one of the harder games to call this weekend. Atlanta got it done, and frankly, Joey Harrington is the reason. They still aren't running the ball real well, and their defense wasn't spectacular, but Joey was. He had another great game. I, on the other hand, was careful to say "He'll probably shit blood in this one. It's too much to ask for him to have two good games in a row." Don't go shoving him on your fantasy roster just yet.
-I picked the Bears, and I was unsure about it from the beginning. Why did I pick the Bears? Damn it. I'm living in the past here. And by "the past", I mean "last season" of course. The NFC sucks so bad, there's no knowing why a team will succeed or fail, if you're a fucking moron like me.
-I picked the Ravens by how many points? 25 points! Holy shit! "How the hell will the Browns have 3 scoring drives?" Maybe by being a lot more talented than the Ravens. The time has come to retire the bullshit-ass playoff teams from last year, which is turning out to be the fluke season of all NFL seasons. The Ravens are old, slow, busted-down predictable crap. The Bears are young, slow, busted-down predictable crap. The Rams are full-blown shit, and they're older than people realize. The Chargers don't have a head coach or a defensive coordinator. Yeah, I know about Norv and Ted, but those guys don't count. The Bengals have no defense and Marvin Lewis is a moron (more on that later). The Jets have no talent on offense except Leon Washington, and he's some kind of mighty-dwarf or something. The Saints have an over-hyped turd at quarterback and no defense. How did so many horrid teams make the playoffs last year?
-I had homefield advantage pushing the Panthers over the Bucs. Man does David Carr stink. I knew he was a burger back when he was drafted, but I think it's official now. In other news, Dan Dierdorf is quickly climbing the ranks of worst color commentator in sports broadcasting.
-Oh man, I picked the Chargers. My friggin' brother "ha[d] a feeling" that the Chiefs would pull it off. I think I was so upset at the prospect of Herm Edwards and the bullshit Chiefs being at .500, of the possibility that Tom Coughlin would also get to .500, of the possibility that fans in both cities would actually praise these guys, that someone out there would dare to utter the word playoffs when discussing these teams that I rejected the idea outright. Once again, I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I dared to pick a Norv Turner team. That's it, I'm not picking them again until they are at .500. Also, did anybody see Norv Turner's press conference after the game? He looks like he's right on the edge right now. For another head coach, being right on the edge might mean bludgeoning someone to death; for Norv it means he might shit his pants, or dive off a building, or some other wussy thing. A. J. Smith is the real turd in San Diego, it's time for him to go.
-I picked the Steelers. I guess I'm not too embarrassed by that one, except that it's another road team that I expected to win and there were plenty of signs pointing to a competitive game. I'm sick of the rotating quarterbacks in Arizona. I actually had a second, while watching that game, where I considered that rotating quarterbacks might just be a revolutionary way of thinking, maybe Ken Wisenhunt is an innovative genius, maybe this is the future of the NFL. I still think quarterback is too much of a rhythm position, too much of it depends on confidence and consistency, so I don't think a rotating quarterback set-up is sustainable. We'll see.
-The Eagles really let me down. They had absolutely no answer for the blitz packages the Giants threw at them, which pretty much consisted of an all-out kitchen sink on every play. That was before Coughlin realized that Osi Umenyiora was eating Winston Justice for dinner and leftover breakfast Monday morning, and decided he could back off. Andy Reid never adjusted. He abandoned the run (which was working) and continued to try to push the ball down the field (which was not). I don't know, maybe it's too obvious, but it seems to me that when Antonio Pierce has come straight up the gut 4 or 5 times in the first quarter and disrupted McNabb in the pocket, maybe you try a swing pass to the back or even a quick pitch out. I think the idea was to try to get in McNabb's face and force him to run, and by shooting right up the middle, they took away the screen. That's good defense, but the Eagles never adjusted! That's what I'm talking about with the NFC East. No adjustments are ever made. Momentum seems to swing so quickly and so entirely in the NFC East that the team that catches it never has to look back. The very least Reid should have done was shift a little extra help to Justice's side, but instead he let his young reserve lineman eat shit in historic fashion. I said the Eagles were in trouble without Westbrook, but that was the least of their troubles.
I have a few other observations from a very ugly weekend for the NFL.
What the hell is wrong with coaching in the NFL? I'm more convinced than ever that the only difference between a good NFL team and a great NFL team, or a piece of shit NFL team, is coaching. Here are a few supporting cases:
-Why did the Vikings abandon the run? They were in the game and Adrian Peterson was going wild! Too bad he only carried the ball 14 times. Why was Chester Taylor on the field for 40 plays, to only 24 for Adrian Peterson? Why does Brad Childress insist that his Vikings team is a passing team? It's one thing to neglect to play to your strengths, it's another thing entirely to play to your specific weakness!
-Why did the Chargers abandon the run? Ladainian Tomlinson went OFF in the first half against the Chiefs, so San Diego made the logical decision to only hand him the ball 6 times in the second half. They were leading by 10 points at halftime and lost by 14 to a TERRIBLE Chiefs team. Once again, LT only had 20 carries in this game, and he has YET to carry the ball 25 times in any game this year. My God, Norv really is this bad.
-Why didn't the Jets ever try to run the ball against the lowly Bills? The Bills had the worst defense in the NFL coming into the game, but the Jets only ran the ball 19 times! They were in the game most of the way! The coaches and players issued a line of bullshit that they had to go away from the run because they had a lot of 3rd and long plays because of penalties, but how many 3rd and longs would it take to account for Pennington throwing the ball 39 times? I demand that Eric Mangini hand over the "Man-Genius" nickname immediately.
-Why in the hell did the Bengals get flagged for too many men on the field on the first play of the 4th quarter? I can't believe that actually happened! Seriously, your team is not smart, not disciplined, not sharp, and not going to win many games if NO ONE bothered to make sure the right personnel were on the field during the 5 minutes you had to set your defense between quarters. The Bengals were penalized 8 times for 65 yards, all in the second half. Way to get your guys prepared at halftime. Three of those penalties were inexcusably stupid, including a chop-block by Kenny Watson, a 15 yard personal foul, and the dreadful 12 men on the field. I've always been a Marvin Lewis fan, but his Bengals team is in big trouble.
-Where was Andy Reid on Sunday? As I mentioned above, he completely bailed on the running game. That's vintage Andy Reid. But he also never adjusted to the up-the-shoot blitz he was getting from the Giants throughout the whole game, and he never EVER sent any help to Winston Justice, who was making his first start and getting destroyed. Even a chip block from a back or a good-old-fashioned double-team. Way to hang your young guy out to dry.
On the other hand, there were a couple of teams that were just plain let down by the poor play of the guys in helmets. Houston had a few chances to stay in that game, but Ron Dayne fumbling at the 3 yard line and Kris Brown shanking what was essentially an extra point did them in. They played tough, and Kubiak had them in position to compete. What can you say about Carolina? They had to put the ball in the hands of David Carr, and he just stinks. The 49ers were forced to go to Trent Dilfer, and he couldn't get it done. Nolan definitely could have found a way to get the ball to Frank Gore a few more times, if he gives a shit AT ALL about my fantasy squad, but it's hard to make that point when Gore fumbled twice in the game. Chris McAlister crapped the bed early for the Ravens, trying and failing as a psychic when he jumped an in route on what was never anything but a go by Braylon Edwards, and the Ravens are just not very good. St. Louis . . .well, let's just not discuss them. Chicago played tough all game, but Griese threw three picks and Cedric Benson never got it going, so the Bears' defense was against the wall all game long.
On the other hand, I'd like to congratulate Lane Kiffin for another fantastic coaching job on Sunday. Knowing his team was starting a different QB, knowing it was likely to be a low-scoring effort from the Dolphins, and knowing what the strength of his team is, Kiffin elected to run the ball 49 times for 299 yards and only throw 12 passes. After Lamont Jordan went down with a back injury, what did Kiffin do? He handed it to Justin Fargas, his 3rd string running back, 22 times for 179 yards. His QB ran the ball five times. Even the fullback carried the ball 7 times. That's good coaching. I can't believe I'm rooting for Oakland, but damn it, I am. That's how you win games. Coach to the strengths of your personnel.
On the opposite end of the run/pass spectrum, the Packers have no running game at all, and I think it takes huge balls to say "screw it" and not pretend. They can't run it so they won't try. I like the running game, but more than anything I love a coach who schemes for the players he has. Another reason why Mike McCarthy is a great head coach. The Packers threw the ball 45 times to only 20 rushes, and they did it because they have good receivers, a great quarterback, and no running game. McCarthy is using a quick-hit passing attack and a lot of spread formations because he's smart enough to know that he has to protect his quarterback even without running the ball.
I feel like I'd like to hybernate through the next 6 weeks of the NFL season, and wake up when things have started to sort themselves out and the league is taking shape. Right now, it seems like only the Colts, Patriots, and Cowboys are playing as expected, and everyone else is a crapshoot. I'm now rooting for the Packers, and not because I'm one of these Brett Favre fellators, but because I just want a couple of teams to consistently play well and win games that they should win. Weekends like this just depress me. I like parity, but I also like quality football with good teams who consistently perform and have identities, and I think the league is pretty short on that right now.
J. P. Losman might be cooked in Buffalo. I really like the kid, but Trent Edwards played really well, and if Losman gets the job back, he'll hear "Trent! Trent!" every time he screws up for the rest of his time there.
As much as I crapped on Cincy, I still think they could be a force in the AFC. Looking at their schedule, I see 8 games they should win, and not a single one they can't win. They have home games against the Jets, St. Louis, Arizona, and a rematch with Cleveland, and road games against Kansas City, Buffalo, San Francisco, and Miami. They have a series with the Steelers, which could go any way, and a rematch with the Ravens in Baltimore. They ought to win their next two (at Kansas City after the bye and vs. the Jets) and their final four (vs. the Rams, at San Francisco, vs. the Browns, and at Miami). I'm basing all of this on the fact that, though they got pounded and have no defense, they still look so dangerous on offense. Carson Palmer is so good in the pocket and makes beautiful, tough throws look easy, Hoash-Mazode and Ocho Cinco are outstanding and they get Chris Henry back after the bye, and Rudi should be healthy starting week 6. Kenny Watson didn't even look that bad against the Pats. They just have too many super-competitive types and are too explosive to lay down. Palmer even looked really good last night, in spite of his two picks. As Kornheiser put it, even on a bad night, he's only two passes away from a touchdown at pretty much any point in a game.
I'm thrilled the Skynards are back in week 5. Watching this weekend of bad coaching and underdog dominance without the home team to make it all better was quite difficult.
-I had Miami over Oakland 16-13. I made quite a case for Oakland, citing their superior special-teams play and the fact that they've been tough in several games and ought to have a better record, then I bitched out and picked Miami. I was afraid of home-field advantage, and I had something to prove by sticking with my early prediction. What a friggin' asshole. Miami is a terrible team, and I think there's a chance that Cam Cameron's persistent recruiting of Trent Green could very well cost him his job. That and the fact that he's a shit coach.
-"There's almost no reason to pick the Bills over the Jets"; "I expect Thomas Jones to have another big game"; "I picked the Jets by 18 points, and I still think it’d take a great effort from the Bills to make it any closer." Those are classic lines! The Jets in a blowout! Holy friggin' shit.
-I picked Houston by a touchdown, but I had the sense to note that I thought it was one of the harder games to call this weekend. Atlanta got it done, and frankly, Joey Harrington is the reason. They still aren't running the ball real well, and their defense wasn't spectacular, but Joey was. He had another great game. I, on the other hand, was careful to say "He'll probably shit blood in this one. It's too much to ask for him to have two good games in a row." Don't go shoving him on your fantasy roster just yet.
-I picked the Bears, and I was unsure about it from the beginning. Why did I pick the Bears? Damn it. I'm living in the past here. And by "the past", I mean "last season" of course. The NFC sucks so bad, there's no knowing why a team will succeed or fail, if you're a fucking moron like me.
-I picked the Ravens by how many points? 25 points! Holy shit! "How the hell will the Browns have 3 scoring drives?" Maybe by being a lot more talented than the Ravens. The time has come to retire the bullshit-ass playoff teams from last year, which is turning out to be the fluke season of all NFL seasons. The Ravens are old, slow, busted-down predictable crap. The Bears are young, slow, busted-down predictable crap. The Rams are full-blown shit, and they're older than people realize. The Chargers don't have a head coach or a defensive coordinator. Yeah, I know about Norv and Ted, but those guys don't count. The Bengals have no defense and Marvin Lewis is a moron (more on that later). The Jets have no talent on offense except Leon Washington, and he's some kind of mighty-dwarf or something. The Saints have an over-hyped turd at quarterback and no defense. How did so many horrid teams make the playoffs last year?
-I had homefield advantage pushing the Panthers over the Bucs. Man does David Carr stink. I knew he was a burger back when he was drafted, but I think it's official now. In other news, Dan Dierdorf is quickly climbing the ranks of worst color commentator in sports broadcasting.
-Oh man, I picked the Chargers. My friggin' brother "ha[d] a feeling" that the Chiefs would pull it off. I think I was so upset at the prospect of Herm Edwards and the bullshit Chiefs being at .500, of the possibility that Tom Coughlin would also get to .500, of the possibility that fans in both cities would actually praise these guys, that someone out there would dare to utter the word playoffs when discussing these teams that I rejected the idea outright. Once again, I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I dared to pick a Norv Turner team. That's it, I'm not picking them again until they are at .500. Also, did anybody see Norv Turner's press conference after the game? He looks like he's right on the edge right now. For another head coach, being right on the edge might mean bludgeoning someone to death; for Norv it means he might shit his pants, or dive off a building, or some other wussy thing. A. J. Smith is the real turd in San Diego, it's time for him to go.
-I picked the Steelers. I guess I'm not too embarrassed by that one, except that it's another road team that I expected to win and there were plenty of signs pointing to a competitive game. I'm sick of the rotating quarterbacks in Arizona. I actually had a second, while watching that game, where I considered that rotating quarterbacks might just be a revolutionary way of thinking, maybe Ken Wisenhunt is an innovative genius, maybe this is the future of the NFL. I still think quarterback is too much of a rhythm position, too much of it depends on confidence and consistency, so I don't think a rotating quarterback set-up is sustainable. We'll see.
-The Eagles really let me down. They had absolutely no answer for the blitz packages the Giants threw at them, which pretty much consisted of an all-out kitchen sink on every play. That was before Coughlin realized that Osi Umenyiora was eating Winston Justice for dinner and leftover breakfast Monday morning, and decided he could back off. Andy Reid never adjusted. He abandoned the run (which was working) and continued to try to push the ball down the field (which was not). I don't know, maybe it's too obvious, but it seems to me that when Antonio Pierce has come straight up the gut 4 or 5 times in the first quarter and disrupted McNabb in the pocket, maybe you try a swing pass to the back or even a quick pitch out. I think the idea was to try to get in McNabb's face and force him to run, and by shooting right up the middle, they took away the screen. That's good defense, but the Eagles never adjusted! That's what I'm talking about with the NFC East. No adjustments are ever made. Momentum seems to swing so quickly and so entirely in the NFC East that the team that catches it never has to look back. The very least Reid should have done was shift a little extra help to Justice's side, but instead he let his young reserve lineman eat shit in historic fashion. I said the Eagles were in trouble without Westbrook, but that was the least of their troubles.
I have a few other observations from a very ugly weekend for the NFL.
What the hell is wrong with coaching in the NFL? I'm more convinced than ever that the only difference between a good NFL team and a great NFL team, or a piece of shit NFL team, is coaching. Here are a few supporting cases:
-Why did the Vikings abandon the run? They were in the game and Adrian Peterson was going wild! Too bad he only carried the ball 14 times. Why was Chester Taylor on the field for 40 plays, to only 24 for Adrian Peterson? Why does Brad Childress insist that his Vikings team is a passing team? It's one thing to neglect to play to your strengths, it's another thing entirely to play to your specific weakness!
-Why did the Chargers abandon the run? Ladainian Tomlinson went OFF in the first half against the Chiefs, so San Diego made the logical decision to only hand him the ball 6 times in the second half. They were leading by 10 points at halftime and lost by 14 to a TERRIBLE Chiefs team. Once again, LT only had 20 carries in this game, and he has YET to carry the ball 25 times in any game this year. My God, Norv really is this bad.
-Why didn't the Jets ever try to run the ball against the lowly Bills? The Bills had the worst defense in the NFL coming into the game, but the Jets only ran the ball 19 times! They were in the game most of the way! The coaches and players issued a line of bullshit that they had to go away from the run because they had a lot of 3rd and long plays because of penalties, but how many 3rd and longs would it take to account for Pennington throwing the ball 39 times? I demand that Eric Mangini hand over the "Man-Genius" nickname immediately.
-Why in the hell did the Bengals get flagged for too many men on the field on the first play of the 4th quarter? I can't believe that actually happened! Seriously, your team is not smart, not disciplined, not sharp, and not going to win many games if NO ONE bothered to make sure the right personnel were on the field during the 5 minutes you had to set your defense between quarters. The Bengals were penalized 8 times for 65 yards, all in the second half. Way to get your guys prepared at halftime. Three of those penalties were inexcusably stupid, including a chop-block by Kenny Watson, a 15 yard personal foul, and the dreadful 12 men on the field. I've always been a Marvin Lewis fan, but his Bengals team is in big trouble.
-Where was Andy Reid on Sunday? As I mentioned above, he completely bailed on the running game. That's vintage Andy Reid. But he also never adjusted to the up-the-shoot blitz he was getting from the Giants throughout the whole game, and he never EVER sent any help to Winston Justice, who was making his first start and getting destroyed. Even a chip block from a back or a good-old-fashioned double-team. Way to hang your young guy out to dry.
On the other hand, there were a couple of teams that were just plain let down by the poor play of the guys in helmets. Houston had a few chances to stay in that game, but Ron Dayne fumbling at the 3 yard line and Kris Brown shanking what was essentially an extra point did them in. They played tough, and Kubiak had them in position to compete. What can you say about Carolina? They had to put the ball in the hands of David Carr, and he just stinks. The 49ers were forced to go to Trent Dilfer, and he couldn't get it done. Nolan definitely could have found a way to get the ball to Frank Gore a few more times, if he gives a shit AT ALL about my fantasy squad, but it's hard to make that point when Gore fumbled twice in the game. Chris McAlister crapped the bed early for the Ravens, trying and failing as a psychic when he jumped an in route on what was never anything but a go by Braylon Edwards, and the Ravens are just not very good. St. Louis . . .well, let's just not discuss them. Chicago played tough all game, but Griese threw three picks and Cedric Benson never got it going, so the Bears' defense was against the wall all game long.
On the other hand, I'd like to congratulate Lane Kiffin for another fantastic coaching job on Sunday. Knowing his team was starting a different QB, knowing it was likely to be a low-scoring effort from the Dolphins, and knowing what the strength of his team is, Kiffin elected to run the ball 49 times for 299 yards and only throw 12 passes. After Lamont Jordan went down with a back injury, what did Kiffin do? He handed it to Justin Fargas, his 3rd string running back, 22 times for 179 yards. His QB ran the ball five times. Even the fullback carried the ball 7 times. That's good coaching. I can't believe I'm rooting for Oakland, but damn it, I am. That's how you win games. Coach to the strengths of your personnel.
On the opposite end of the run/pass spectrum, the Packers have no running game at all, and I think it takes huge balls to say "screw it" and not pretend. They can't run it so they won't try. I like the running game, but more than anything I love a coach who schemes for the players he has. Another reason why Mike McCarthy is a great head coach. The Packers threw the ball 45 times to only 20 rushes, and they did it because they have good receivers, a great quarterback, and no running game. McCarthy is using a quick-hit passing attack and a lot of spread formations because he's smart enough to know that he has to protect his quarterback even without running the ball.
I feel like I'd like to hybernate through the next 6 weeks of the NFL season, and wake up when things have started to sort themselves out and the league is taking shape. Right now, it seems like only the Colts, Patriots, and Cowboys are playing as expected, and everyone else is a crapshoot. I'm now rooting for the Packers, and not because I'm one of these Brett Favre fellators, but because I just want a couple of teams to consistently play well and win games that they should win. Weekends like this just depress me. I like parity, but I also like quality football with good teams who consistently perform and have identities, and I think the league is pretty short on that right now.
J. P. Losman might be cooked in Buffalo. I really like the kid, but Trent Edwards played really well, and if Losman gets the job back, he'll hear "Trent! Trent!" every time he screws up for the rest of his time there.
As much as I crapped on Cincy, I still think they could be a force in the AFC. Looking at their schedule, I see 8 games they should win, and not a single one they can't win. They have home games against the Jets, St. Louis, Arizona, and a rematch with Cleveland, and road games against Kansas City, Buffalo, San Francisco, and Miami. They have a series with the Steelers, which could go any way, and a rematch with the Ravens in Baltimore. They ought to win their next two (at Kansas City after the bye and vs. the Jets) and their final four (vs. the Rams, at San Francisco, vs. the Browns, and at Miami). I'm basing all of this on the fact that, though they got pounded and have no defense, they still look so dangerous on offense. Carson Palmer is so good in the pocket and makes beautiful, tough throws look easy, Hoash-Mazode and Ocho Cinco are outstanding and they get Chris Henry back after the bye, and Rudi should be healthy starting week 6. Kenny Watson didn't even look that bad against the Pats. They just have too many super-competitive types and are too explosive to lay down. Palmer even looked really good last night, in spite of his two picks. As Kornheiser put it, even on a bad night, he's only two passes away from a touchdown at pretty much any point in a game.
I'm thrilled the Skynards are back in week 5. Watching this weekend of bad coaching and underdog dominance without the home team to make it all better was quite difficult.
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