Week 7 Picks

Well, coming off my epic 11-3 showing in week 6, I'm feeling none too confident when I look at the week 7 slate. There are some genuinely tough games to call in there, including division match-ups like Minnesota at Chicago and New Orleans at Carolina, plus some genuine head-scratchers like San Diego at Buffalo, Baltimore at Miami, Indianapolis at Green Bay, and Denver at New England. Right now, I have half a mind to just pick a bunch of home teams and move on. We'll see.

Baltimore @ Miami
The Line: Miami by 3
This is a tough one. Baltimore's defense has been outstanding, but Miami's defense hasn't necessarily been much of a slouch, either. On the one hand, the quality of Baltimore's defense is persuasive, but on the other, they haven't faced anything like the Wildcat yet. That actually does mean something. Also, Baltimore is on a three-game losing streak and their offense is headed in the wrong direction. Miami, on the other hand, came within a crazy last few seconds of pulling off yet another quality win on Sunday. I guess I have to go with the Dolphins here. I see the Dolphins pass-rush swarming Joe Flacco, putting a few hits on him, and causing a few turnovers. I imagine Tony Sparano will lean heavily on his talented backfield tandem to try to pound out some tough yardage and maybe keep field position on their side.

All of a sudden, Miami really is a force to be reckoned with. I mean, seriously, they came within a Matt Schaub quarterback draw with 3 seconds on the clock of heading into this match-up at 3-2 and in the fight for the wild-card! That's amazing. They've got a chance to reel off some wins here, too, with 5 of their next 6 games at home, and then a road date in St. Louis! They could very well be in the thick of the playoff chase, or even in the divisional race, in the last few weeks of the season! Holy hell, I can't believe I just typed that.

On the other hand, the Ravens are desperate for a win, and need I remind you, they are the team that suffered Miami's only win in 2007. There's got to be at least a little revenge factor for the Ravens, and they play 5 of their next 7 games on the road. Things could go from not very good to really, really ugly in Baltimore if they don't find a way to win some games against middle-of-the-pack teams like Miami.

It should be close, it could be a lot of fun to watch, and I like the Dolphins. I do.
Dolphins over Ravens, 20-17

San Francisco @ New York Giants
The Line: New York Giants by 10.5
I love this match-up. Of all the games that have ever taken place in NFL history, this could be my favorite. I need it to go one way, and there's every chance it will actually go that way.

New York just got embarrassed on the road in Cleveland. They were out of sync offensively, they gave up a lot of big plays, they turned the ball over, and they were no match for the spirit and enthusiasm of Cleveland's fans and players. It would be all too easy to chalk it up as a stinker and let it go, and it's true, it was a stinker, but I'm not sure the best team in the NFL gets pounded like that by anybody, let alone a 1-win Cleveland Browns team that was previously ranked at the very bottom of the NFL in scoring offense. If nothing else, New York's defense should be feeling quite anxious to get back out on the field and beat up on an offense, to earn back a little of their lost respect. At home, coming off that kind of a loss, well . . . let's just say I'm glad it's not the Redskins traveling to New Jersey this Sunday.

As for San Francisco, don't you kind of feel like the wheels are very nearly all the way off? Mike Nolan is probably in a full panic right now. He thought he'd bought himself a little time by "upgrading" the offensive system and turning the quarterback position over to an unknown quantity with a little experience running it. Maybe, in so doing, people would be so distracted by the play of J.T. O'Sullivan, they'd forget how this guy ruined the career of the team's number one overall pick, or how his team was taking big steps in the wrong direction every season. It's funny, actually: folks kind of have forgotten about the whole Alex Smith thing, and they kind of are letting Nolan off the hook for seasons past, so in a sense, the plan worked. On the other hand, his 2008 49ers team is so disappointing, and his offensive line has regressed so significantly, and his defense is underachieving so badly, that you'd have to think about firing the guy even without considering how he flushed the investment of a number one overall pick down the tubes. And for me, the really funny part of the whole fiasco is that by turning the offense over to Mike Martz and the quarterback position over to J.T. O'Sullivan, he's actually set the team back even further than if he'd just continued to suck with the same cast of characters. What a mess.

So I'm hoping we'll see a bloodbath. With New York's pass-rush, J.T. O'Sullivan will be lucky to make it out of the first quarter. I've got nothing against the guy, I really don't, but I can't deny being sadistically giddy at the thought of the pounding he's about to take in this one. I hope he comes out of it alive and okay, but as a reference point for the failures of both Mike Nolan as a head coach and Mike Martz as an offensive coordinator, you can't do much better. In a way, they need this test; a good team with a good coach and a sound offensive system will find a way to protect the quarterback, run the ball, and play respectable football in this game. If they want to be taken seriously as a legitimate contender, not just as a sideshow or an also-ran, but as a legitimate contender, they should be able to show up and compete in this game.

And they won't.
Giants over 49ers, 27-13

Minnesota @ Chicago
The Line: Chicago by 3
This is a super tough game to call, mostly because you never know how these games will play out. Both teams are supposed to be able to run the ball, manage the field in their passing game, and play dominant defense. You'd expect it to be a close, low-scoring game. Except, well . . . last season, in Chicago, these teams totaled 64 points in an effing barn-burner. You never know.

Chicago looks okay right now. They played the Falcons as well as anybody has in Atlanta, only losing on some miracle shit in the last few seconds. They are who they are, you know? They're a .500 football team that will make it tough on anybody. If Chicago wins this game, they likely won't do it by a lot. Similarly, if they lose, it'll be close. They probably have the superior passing game in this match-up, that could mean something. Plus, they're at home. Either of these teams can still dream of winning the division, so everything is on the line here.

As for Minnesota, they looked like sorry garbage in Detroit on Sunday. Now they're on the road again, in another divisional contest, in another dome, against a stiffer foe with a better defense. Adrian Peterson still hasn't broken out yet this season, and I'm starting to wonder if it'll happen at all. It's a shame Brad Childress is the head coach of this team, and here's why: I have a hunch AP is still recovering from the injuries and the workload of 2007. If the Vikings had a coach with a bit more clout, someone like Jeff Fisher, it'd be reasonable for me, as a fan, to start talking about whether the Vikings should significantly scale back Peterson's workload for the rest of the season, and if they're out of contention or don't look like a legitimate Super Bowl team by maybe week 10, to shut him down the rest of the way. Nothing scares me like the thought of Adrian Peterson spending the rest of his career slowed and trying to bounce back from taking a significant workload on a bum knee in his rookie season. This guy has no ceiling, none. If he's healthy, he could absolutely destroy every record we've ever seen at his position. I just have this lingering fear that, because Brad Childress might be coaching for his job this season, that he's not giving Peterson enough rest to be at full strength. I hope I'm wrong.

Anyway, all that is secondary to picking the game. So I don't think Peterson's going to bust all the way out . . . that doesn't mean Chester Taylor can't chip in a big contribution, does it? But will it happen against the NFL's fifth ranked rushing defense? Not likely. I guess the game goes something like this: one team is going to get enough pressure on the opposing quarterback to force more turnovers than their own quarterback is responsible for, and that team will win. Because I think Minnesota has both the better offensive line and the better defensive pass rush (thanks to Kevin Williams, a monster if ever there was one), I'm picking the Vikings. I know they're on the road, I know they sucked against Detroit. Sometimes teams play down to the level of competition (see Rams @ Redskins, week 6).
Vikings over Bears, 20-18

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
The Line: Pittsburgh by 9.5
How in the hell can the Bengals win this game, even at home, with Ryan Fitzpatrick at quarterback? Jesus, just throw the guy out in the road and run him over with a steamroller.

Bengals fans are apparently dumping their tickets left and right now that they're officially the worst team in the NFL, record-wise. Funny thing: I don't actually think they're the worst team in the NFL, just the most joyless, depressing team. If I were a Bengals fan and I had expensive tickets to this game, I'd be dumping 'em too, because the economy is in the tank, because this Bengals team is an atrocity, because the franchise is an embarrassment, and because it might mean something to Cincinnati's ownership to see that there's an actual penalty for fielding something this horrendous on a weekly basis. If I were Ryan Fitzpatrick, I'd be talking to a lawyer about my options for suing the pants off this organization. Talk about rail-roaded: the Bengals cut one of the most productive, beloved, hard-working players in franchise history, cut the franchise runningback and turn over the ground game to a guy without fingers, fail to dump the obnoxious malcontent at receiver, who then openly half-asses it during games, bring back the asshole criminal slot receiver against the wishes of the head-coach, do virtually nothing to upgrade their piss-poor defense, and then hand the whole fucking mess over to me when the aloof, butter-soft quarterback decides there's no way he's going down with this awful ship. Great. Now Ryan Fitzpatrick gets to be the butt of a million jokes every Sunday between now and the time when his NFL career comes to an unceremonious end, probably not longer than 10 weeks from now. Raw deal, son.

And this might be one of only a few teams in the NFL that Pittsburgh can both run all over and pass protect against, even with their terrible offensive line and depleted backfield. So I guess I like the 9.5 points. There's nobody left on Cincinnati's roster with enough pride to bother showing up for a home contest against the division champs. Or, at least, nobody that matters.
Steelers over Bengals, 35-17

New Orleans @ Carolina
The Line: Carolina by 3
Eventually, one of these two teams is going to fall away from contending in the division. Either that, or the division is going to implode and the winner will walk away with it at something like 8-8 or 9-7. Either way, the Saints and Panthers can't hope to make a serious run if they keep playing so up and down. Either a team asserts itself this Sunday, starts putting some things together, and strings together enough wins to take command of the division, or they go away. It seems like every week for the past two seasons the Saints have been just a win away from climbing above .500 and "making a run". As for the Panthers, look, it's pretty clear to me anyway that they're an improved team with the same flaws as previous years: they tend to inexplicably not show up for certain games, and they're turnover prone. I'm not sure it'll kill them this season, but I do think if they come off a discouraging road blow-out in Tampa and drop another division game at home, well . . . it won't be a good thing, now will it?

Carolina has the defense to win this game, and they have the running game. As with most Carolina games, it'll come down to winning the turnover battle and finishing drives. In fact, I wouldn't even say necessarily that they need to win the turnover battle, they just need to limit their own turnovers. If they don't turn the ball over too much, they should be able to sustain drives, and if they finish their drives with a few scores, they should be in position to win. But they managed to do what is almost never done in a game between two competent division rivals last week: they were blown out. That never happens. Competent teams simply do not get blown out by division rivals. Especially when they're at least as good as the Bucs on paper. That's puzzling. I picked the Panthers in week 6 because I wanted to believe they'd gotten over that maddening tendency to sleepwalk through games. They're at home and favored in week 7, but now I have even less confidence in them, also in part because I'm still goofily optimistic that maybe New Orleans will get serious down the stretch.

And those Saints . . . what the fuck. The difference between a win and a loss for the Saints is basically whether they can keep an opponent below 30 points. This team averages over 28 points a game, how in the hell can they be 3-3? Well, they gave up 29 points to the Redskins (a season-high), 34 to Denver, and 30 to Minnesota (also a season-high). So I guess the question is, can Carolina put 30 on the board at home? Against this New Orleans defense, anything is possible.

I'm talking my self in circles here. I'm loathe to pick a team like New Orleans on the road in a divisional game against a tough defense with a committed run-first offense, but on the other hand, the Panthers did get absolutely dumped in Tampa in an equally important division game.

Know what? My gut says the Saints pull it off.
Saints over Panthers, 31-26

Dallas @ St. Louis
The Line: Dallas by 7
Mind you, now, this line came out after Romo's injury, after Pacman's suspension, after the Rams won in Washington, after the Cowboys lost in Arizona. Apparently, Vegas was quite confident the same team that got owned in Arizona would handle the same team that won in Washington, even without their quarterback or a key part of their already fragile secondary. I'm cocking an eyebrow at that line.

Now, of course, the Cowboys have added Roy Williams, yet another mercenary me-first asshole for Wade Phillips to fail to manage. He's a huge talent, for sure, but a volatile situation just got a lot more . . . well . . . volatile.

This game comes all the way down to how for-real the Rams are with Jim Haslett as head coach. Frankly, they didn't play even nearly well enough in Washington to have earned a road win. Instead, they benefited from some horrendously poor-timed miscues by the Redskins. That happens. So they didn't really earn the win, but a win is a win, and sometimes even a bogus win like that can restore some confidence and get some weight off a team's backs. Now they're going home to a grateful, relieved St. Louis crowd, to face a traditional powerhouse team on one leg. This one is ripe, ripe for an upset.

On the other hand, Brad Johnson is a pro, and Dallas's offensive line isn't nearly as bad, nor have they played anywhere near as poorly, as the national sports media is making it sound. There's very little chance the Cowboys will look past any opponent with the current state of the team, but there's a significant chance that a week absolutely bursting with off-field distractions could . . . um . . . distract them from the task at hand. This Dallas team has that exact weakness, too: they're far too aware of themselves off the field.

So here it is: the Rams have a talented tailback, one good wideout, an iffy quarterback, a suspect offensive line, and a defense that just might have found a little confidence. They seem somewhat rejuvenated by the transition to Jim Haslett. All that, plus homefield, plus what might pass for momentum in win-starved St. Louis, would not be enough to topple a healthy Cowboys team, even one playing like crap. Against this exact Dallas team, as banged-up and dysfunctional as they are, as distracted, insecure, and vulnerable as they might be at this exact moment . . . well, maybe. I don't think I can pick it that way, but let's just say I'll be watching this game very closely on Sunday.
Cowboys over Rams, 24-14

Tennessee @ Kansas City
The Line: Tennessee by 8
One (1) team has officially given up on the NFL season through 6 weeks, and it's the Detroit Lions. One other team has unofficially but pretty clearly given up: the Oakland Raiders. And then there's the one team that really ought to give up on the 2008 season, and probably the 2009 season, too: your Kansas City Chiefs. Unlike, say, Detroit, the Chiefs don't have any offensive firepower at all. Unlike, say, Oakland, the Chiefs don't have a deep backfield at all. Unlike, say, the entire rest of the NFL, the Chiefs have no reason to expect that they'll be able to compete for anything more than maybe 3 or 4 wins this season. They're that bad.

That this game is in Kansas City is what makes it so funny. Can you imagine anything funnier than the Kansas City Chiefs coming off their bye week at home against the only undefeated team in the NFL? The team with the best head-coach in the business? Hahahahahaha! Seriously, that's so funny to me I almost typed LOL just now.

Right now, banish any thoughts you ever had about Kansas City even hoping to move the ball in any direction but backwards in this game. Forget it. It almost doesn't matter at all whether or not Tennessee musters any offense against the Chiefs. If Tennessee can find a way to go up by 7 or more in the first half, this one will be completely over after half-time.
Titans over Chiefs, 17-0

San Diego @ Buffalo
The Line: Even
What a hugely disappointing loss this will be for, really, either team. Buffalo is the anti-San Diego. First, it's cold as Clay Aiken's balls in Buffalo. San Diego is warm and wonderful.

In football terms, Buffalo could be called an overachiever. They've got a second-year tailback and a second-year quarterback. They're undersized at most skill positions. Their defense could be called a no-name unit. Their head coach, Dick Jauron, is about as straight-forward and humble as they come. They were picked by just about everybody to finish third in their division and miss the playoffs.

San Diego, now they're the big stars of the AFC, aren't they? Some people still have this team in the AFC title game and beyond. When they pounded the living shit out of the same New England Patriots team that got humiliated at home by the Dolphins, some shitehawk on ESPN.com said they looked unbeatable. Seriously, how many chances does this team get? Last season, they were this close to total meltdown 3 weeks into the season. This season, they've sucked their way to 3-3, but they're still "unbeatable"? They're still the favorite in the AFC? Why? Because they're good enough to sit in second place in the AFC West, football's second weakest conference?

And what happens if they lose this game? Certainly, nobody will blame them for going on the road and losing to a 4-1 Bills team coming off their bye week, but again, how many chances? At 3-4 entering week 8, are they still the favorite? Next week, they go to New Orleans. Do we forgive them for that one, too? See, at some point, a team that's supposed to be Super Bowl material can't be forgiven for dropping a division game because of a bum last-second call, or dropping a road game across the country, or opening the season with a loss on a miracle last-second catch. You either win enough games to get to the playoffs, and then win those games to get to the Super Bowl, or you don't. I can't shake the feeling that the 2008 San Diego Chargers have already been given a big pass for the 2008 season. They are who the Philadelphia Eagles want to be: they don't actually have to win anything to be considered an elite team. Well, not in my book. In my book, an elite team goes on the road in week 7 at 3-3 and cleans the clock of another playoff hopeful in their conference, then goes on the road and cleans the clock of another middling playoff hopeful in week 8, and bullies around their division, and puts the AFC West in a bag by week 11. And the Chargers aren't that team. No free passes in my book.

Now, as for this game: first of all, at 1pm this Sunday in Buffalo, it's going to be a bit chilly. We're not talking Arctic wind here, we're talking low 50s. In San Diego, all week it's going to be upper 70s to lower 80s. So there's that. Second of all, Buffalo had the bye week to get ready for this one. Buffalo's defense (get this) is ninth in the NFL; 8th against the pass, 18th against the run. Now there's this: in their first three games, including their only two home games, the Bills have allowed 85, 66, and 97 yards to opposing runningbacks, and we're not talking about any slouches there, either: the 66 yards were to the Jaguars and the 97 yards were to the Raiders, two teams that are much, much more dedicated to the ground game in their offense than the Chargers.

So here's what I think: I think the Chargers need to run the ball well to win this game. In order for that to happen, they'll need LT to break out in a pretty big way, on the road, across the country, in cool weather, against the 8th ranked defense in the NFL, coming off a bye week. Mmmmmmmm . . . not gonna happen.
Bills over Chargers, 28-24

Detroit @ Houston
The Line: Houston by 8.5
This is exactly what the doctor ordered for the Texans; a post-win visit from the only team in the NFL that has officially given up on the 2008 season. Let's not kid ourselves here, the Texans aren't making a run at the playoffs, not without a few miracles, but there's a chance here for them to string together a modest run and make something respectable out of this season. They friggin' deserve it, after the shit they endured at the outset.

Detroit . . . yeesh, talk about waving a white flag. Look, I understand the economics of trading Roy Williams, and frankly, if Roy Williams had it in him to elevate this team to playoff-contender status, it would have happened already. On the other hand, you dumped one of two legit NFL-grade talents on your offense the same week you try to trade your banged up starting quarterback before dumping him on IR. And it's not like you're auditioning the future, either; I think we can rule out the possibility that Dan Orlovsky will be leading the Lions in any direction but the gutter. Maybe Drew Stanton turns out to be the guy, but he's hurt and down at the moment. So you dump your veteran quarterback and trade one of two assets on the whole team in the same week, that means you've given up. Do I blame them? Not necessarily. Look at the Williams deal: they scored two big-time draft picks (a first and a third), and turned a seventh into a sixth. They've jettisoned Matt Millen (finally), so what they've really done is stocked the draft cupboard for the next front office, and that's a good move, even if it means completely folding on the 2008 season only six weeks in. The Lions aren't old, but they need a rebuilding. They need a complete reversal of culture. There might be a few pieces on this current team worth keeping, but the direction around town needs to be towards solidifying the front office situation. Look at the two most surprising turnaround teams from 2007 to 2008: the Miami Dolphins and the Atlanta Falcons. The first order of business was finding the right structure in the front office, then putting a solid, no-nonsense head coach in place with the blessing of that front office. The Lions situation might have looked bleak 2 weeks ago, not exactly the kind of place you want to land if you're an NFL executive looking for a new home, but now they've got 2 first-round picks, including what will likely be the first overall, they've got 2 third-round picks, and 2 sixth-round picks. They've got one elite receiver locked into a deal of decent length. They've got a young quarterback who might turn out to be the guy. You can make a winner out of that if you've got the right office and the right coach.

What the hell does any of that have to do with picking this game? You're right, nothing. I like the Texans at home.
Texans over Lions, 35-10

Indianapolis @ Green Bay
The Line: Indianapolis by 1
The Colts got a great mojo win at home against Baltimore in week 6, but it's too early to be completely sold on them. In fact, I'm a bit surprised to see them getting the edge in Lambeau over a Packers team that just won on the road. Both teams have disappointed so far this season, this is a very important game.

It's funny, of all teams in the NFL, I feel like the Colts and Packers are near the top of the list of teams I feel like I don't actually know a damn thing about. With the Colts, I haven't yet doubted this season whether they're the kind of team that can blow up and demolish any given team in any given week, but I really don't feel like I know whether or not they have it in them to string anything together. They're still pretty thin along the offensive line at the moment, and the defense still hasn't convinced anybody they can play without Bob Sanders. Beating up the feisty Ravens is something, I give them credit; by any stretch of the imagination, that doesn't indicate that they've necessarily put everything together. A win in Lambeau a week later? A convincing win? That'll go a long way towards piecing this puzzle together.

And the Packers, it's just really hard to know what they're capable of. I don't think it's too early to say that they made a good draft pick in Aaron Rodgers and that he's ready to be a quality starting quarterback in the NFL. Clearly, they've got a great set of receivers in Donald Driver and Greg Jennings. It kind of looks like a broken ship right now, doesn't it? Held together by duct-tape? The defense is banged-up and hasn't looked like last year's unit at all. The offensive line hasn't been much, and I have a well-documented skepticism of Ryan Grant, the Marc Bulger of NFL runningbacks. They need big plays, lots of big plays, and they're lucky to have at least a trio of players in their passing game that can get 'em.

As far as this game goes, this might be the toughest game to pick of the entire season to this point. On a neutral field, I'd still probably lean towards Peyton Manning and the Colts. I'd probably feel comfortable picking them by 10, especially since, though I do think their defense is porous enough to let even a glorified scrub like Ryan Grant bust loose for some steady gains, I don't see them giving up many big-plays - owing to their use of the Tampa-2 defense. Then there's the Lambeau advantage, such as it is: it's about as outdoors as stadiums get in the NFL, and we're talking about upper 50s and showers on Sunday. They play on grass, the crowd will be heavily in favor of the home team and probably quite amped up for the challenge, and the Packers need this game.

Shoot, almost forgot, the Packers have a disturbing history under Mike McCarthy of bailing on their strengths early against especially fearsome opponents. If the Packers still think it would take a special effort to topple the Colts, you might see an overly "up" Packers team self-destruct early in this one. And is the Lambeau crowd worth 1o points this season? Not so far. It looks like I'm taking another road team, for Christ's sake.
Colts over Packers, 30-28

Cleveland @ Washington
The Line: Washington by 7
The Redskins have already played more fearsome opponents than the Browns, and they'll play more fearsome opponents after week 7, but there is not a more important game on their 2008 regular season schedule than this one. Not even close.

We'll learn virtually everything there is to learn about the Redskins based on the outcome of this game. They showed a lot of toughness and professionalism in going on the road in two straight games against division rivals and coming home 2-0. They also showed a lack of explosiveness, a relative inability to step on a lesser foe, and a disturbing return to their recent history of playing down to the level of competition, last week against the woeful Rams. There are a few things we think we know about the Redskins, and one ugly, embarrassing home loss isn't enough to disprove any of them: they're tough, they're competitive, they're sharp, they're capable of beating any team in the league, they have an ability to bounce back and recover, even on the road, and they have a scheme and a play for almost any circumstance in a game. I feel comfortable identifying those attributes in this Redskins team through 6 weeks, even after that fiasco. Another fiasco? Well, I won't feel quite the same anymore.

These are games good teams have to win. Every NFL team will lose some games. Bad and middling NFL teams might lose a few times a year when they ought to win, and they'll lose a few other times a year because they're just not as good as their opponent. Good NFL teams will go on the road and lose a game or two because they weren't as good as their opponent, maybe a game or two at home for the same reason, and then they'll lose one game where they can't stay out of their own way and they should have won. The Redskins just had that game. They're seven point favorites over the Browns because they're at home, they should be the better team, and they should win. Another fiasco, and we'll have to start re-thinking whether or not the Redskins are a good team. Maybe they're a middling team.

And here's what bothers me: the Cowboys have lost two games, both against teams that were just better at the moment. The Giants have lost a game in which the other team was just better. The Redskins have lost two games, and one of them was already their brain-fart game. Now they get to host the team that was just plain better, if for only one day and only in that stadium, than the Giants, the same team that was just better for a day than the Redskins.

This is exactly the kind of circular nonsense that keeps me up at night Monday to Saturday.

Here's what I'm saying: the Redskins can be forgiven for tossing away a prime opportunity against the Rams if that's all it was. Now they need to step up and prove that, in fact, that's really all it was. They need a win on Sunday, a convincing win, to prove to themselves, their fans, the rest of the league, and the national media that they're actually legit and are actually ready to contend for the NFC East this year. Maybe that sounds a little spooky, but I really believe in such things. I don't believe this Redskins team is ready to rebound from dropping 2 straight home games to weak teams, I don't think they're the kind of team that can throw away home games when they've got a second-half stretch of home games against division foes, none of which will be easy wins.

The Browns looked good Monday night. At home, after the bye week, in a desperate situation, they pounded the crap out of a very good team in very convincing fashion. That result couldn't have been much more decisive. Now they've got a short week to travel to Washington. Has Cleveland put it all together? Did they really go from being the worst overall scoring offense in the NFL to the kind of team that can travel to a hot NFC East team's home turf and take down a pissed-off 4-2 team? On a short week? I'm not convinced, but needless to say, I'm afraid of this game. I was afraid last week, and I'm afraid this week. Pittsburgh and San Diego are two teams that have no problem getting up for super-tough conference foes, then flatten-out against weaklings and play down to competition, both teams give me indigestion despite me not really giving a shit about them, and I don't want the Redskins to be in that class.

So here's my pick: the Redskins win a squeaker. A low scoring, ugly squeaker that won't make me feel a whole lot better about them entering week 8, and won't keep me from being afraid of the goddamn Detroit Lions, who, for the sake of ruining my health and sanity, will probably dump 45 on Houston.
Redskins over Browns, 17-13

New York Jets @ Oakland
The Line: New York Jets by 3
Wouldn't this just be the perfect game for the Jets to piss away? At Oakland? 3,000 miles from home, against a horrifyingly bad Oakland team with nothing to play for, in front of their gut-punched-to-the-point-of-oblivion fans?

I just have a hunch about this game. I don't know why. Something to do with the fact that Brett Favre has never had to travel the way he's had to travel with the Jets, and the last time he did it, his Jets were absolutely demolished in San Diego. I'm not saying the Raiders will win (not yet), but I have a hunch this one will be closer than maybe a lot of people think. Apparently Vegas feels the same way, otherwise how do you explain the slim points spread between an Oakland team that pretty clearly bottomed out against New Orleans and a Jets team coming off consecutive wins?

But I kinda feel like the Jets are due to have a defensive meltdown, they're due to have an opposing backfield go completely off on them to the tune of 300 yards rushing. O, that Lane Kiffin were still running the Raiders! I'd have no trouble picking Lane's boys to lay an upset on the Jets.

Can I do it? Can I? Can I pick Tom Cable in only his second game as head coach? I don't see how, I really don't. I'd love to, and rest assured, if the Jets come up short, I will wish I'd picked the Raiders so I could lay a triumphant "Told y'all" in my week 7 recap.

It's tempting, it really is. And it won't happen again this season, an opportunity to be right about the awful Raiders beating the fake Jets in Siberia. Damn.
Jets over Raiders, 21-20

Seattle @ Tampa Bay
The Line: Tampa Bay by 10.5
All this talk about Cleveland having too many primetime games? Yeah, check out this flea-bag, between perhaps the most boring team in the NFL (the Bucs) and the most surprisingly irrelevent (the Seahawks), then tell me you wouldn't rather watch the Browns/Skins match-up. Seriously, even with what we thought we knew about these teams 10 weeks ago, I couldn't have cared less for this game. Now? Yuck. You definitely have both an unhealthy love of NFL football and no life at all if you're tuning in during primetime for this mess.

Here's a positive note, and I mean it: Carnell Williams is apparently close to coming back from the PUP list for Tampa Bay. I really do care about that. I loved this guy before his gruesome injury, I really hope he can find a way to battle back and restore his once-promising NFL career. I hope they don't rush the guy. Once upon a time, this guy was not only NFL Rookie of the Year, he was in the discussion of best tailbacks in the NFL. If he can make it back, he alone could be reason enough to give a damn about the Bucs. Good luck, Cadillac!

As for the Seahawks, who gives a damn. Then there's the fact that this team was the only thing keeping Seattle sports fans from lighting themselves on fire. Not only did they lose their NBA team to (huhuhuhuh) Oklahoma City, but the goddamn Mariners are a friggin' joke. Now the Seahawks are abysmal! Man!

I don't think it'll be as bad as the points spread, especially if Seneca Wallace starts at quarterback. What most people don't know about the guy is he can really play. Just ask Corey Chavous's corpse.
Bucs over Seahawks, 20-17

Denver @ New England
The Line: New England by 3
The Patriots can either pretend to keep hanging around, or they can go into full-blown we're-outta-here mode. I'm running out of steam on these picks, so here it is: Brandon Marshall might blow up, and if he does, this one is a laugher, I don't care where they play it. New England has no explosiveness whatsoever on either side of the ball, they ain't coming back on anybody.

But Denver sucks on the road, and this is a long way from home. I think they'll psych themselves out of this one and embarrass themselves. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm picking the home team by the spread.
Patriots over Broncos, 24-21

There you have it. I can barely even remember how I picked most of these games, and I'm too lazy to look back and tell you whether I feel confident in the lineup. Ummmm . . .

Go Skynards!

Week 6 Bullroney

What a bullshit week of NFL crap. So six full games came down to the final possession. Sure, maybe that looks like a great week. Some of us, however, are so bitter over one of those last second results we feel fine just going ahead and shitting on the entire Sunday. We won't let a slate of mostly exciting football games take away from what was otherwise the worst Sunday of football . . . no, of sports, in human history. And we're gonna use lots of profanity. Lots. Every game will be shat upon relentlessly. Nevermind that I went an unholy 11-2 on Sunday and came within a goddamn 49-yard field goal after a 43-yard what-the-fuck deep ball from Marc "Gay-wad" Bulger to Donnie "Soon to be Dead" Avery of going a shocking, incredible 12-1 on Sunday picks.

Also, the NFC East went a long way towards falling all the way back to the pack. What a crock.

Here we go, bitches:

Atlanta over Chicago, 22-20
My Pick: Atlanta over Chicago, 20-17
Another "incredible" last minute pile of shit in Atlanta. Fucking Matt Ryan slams his eyes shut and heaves a wobbler to the left sideline with 6 seconds on the clock, gets his shit owned by a Chicago rusher, and some effing scrub-ass piece of shit drags his feet like a friggin' ballerina on the catch. Oh, right, and somehow the dickless time-keeper who's probably 75 feet away has the bitch so perfectly timed that there's still a second on the clock. My ass. Didn't somebody tell this genderless retard that the average NFL play is 6 seconds long? And maybe a 20-something yard completion might, I don't know, be at least as long as the average play? Cheating ass, home-cooked bullshit. So the horrendous, offensively bad, permanently tainted Falcons are 4-2, same as the Redskins (*sob*), good for them. Sorry bastards. And as for the dangerously incompetent Bears, hey, way to hand the game away by giving the sidelines to a desperate team with no timeouts and only 6 seconds on the clock. Isn't this the third game you've come from ahead to lose this season? Feeling charitable in Chicago, are we? Morons.

Houston over Miami, 29-28
My Pick: Houston over Miami, 34-28
Now here was a good ol' fashioned Arena League football game! Wait, you noticed there were no padded walls alongside the field, eh? Oh, right, it turns out these teams only belong in the Arena league. Nice bush-league D-II offense you've got there, Miami. I hope a wild-cat slashes Tony Sparano's jugular this week.
It looks like Matt Schaub pulled his useless shriveled dick out of his mouth long enough to stumble his awkward ass into the end-zone with 3 seconds left on the clock. Lucky baloney garbage. Gary Kubiak, the coach who goes to such great lengths to devalue his own tailbacks ends up giving the most crucial carry of the season to an uncoordinated, cross-eyed interception machine. Now everyone wants to pat him on his hairy back for the "courageous" call, well Bravo motherfucker! Maybe if Miami's defense had their heads screwed on they might have tackled the one-legged ostrich bumbling his way straight up the middle of the defense. Hey, how about a brilliant tactical decision on the last play of the game from the goddamn 5 yard line from Miami: lets rush three and completely take our eyes off the backfield! Great plan. Everyone who has ever been associated with the Miami Dolphins should be fired from their job, evicted from their home, stoned in the streets, disemboweled, and fed to rabid manitees. And if the Houston Texans had a single scrotum between them, I'd advocate for it's immediate removal.

Indianapolis over Baltimore, 31-3
My Pick: Indianapolis over Baltimore, 27-16
Wow, Indy finally ran up against a team so incompetent, so dysfunctional, so mentally retarded, they didn't even have to wait for the fourth quarter for their opponent to self-destruct. Baltimore started this self-destruction months ago, when they hired John Harbaugh and drafted Joe Flacco, two senseless mongoloids too busy cramming their dicks up each other's asses to get out of their own way. Maybe if Flacco tries a little harder, he could maybe turn the ball over eight times in a game! Why stop with throwing ugly interceptions? Why only fumble the ball repeatedly, screw up hand-offs, toss the ball into triple coverage? Why not just turn and run the ball into the wrong end-zone and then hand it off to a defender? Maybe after chucking another inexcusable interception, he could turn and lay-out one of his own players in pursuit, why not?
Congratulations, Indy, no really. You finally actually won a game without paying off both the refs and the opposition down the stretch. This time, you cut the check during the national anthem.

Minnesota over Detroit, 12-10
My Pick: Minnesota over Detroit, 42-20
What a crock. In the history of football, no team has ever done less to deserve a victory or a breath of air than the Vikings in this game. Adrian Peterson, who the fuck taught this guy how to hold a football? Jesus Christ, he makes Chris Perry's ball-security look like Fort Knox. This guy's nickname should be The Holy Roller. The only rock this guy can protect is the crack rock, when he's smoking it in an abandoned building minutes before kick-off. Somebody arrest this guy, he's guilty of something. And he's gay.
Dan Orlovsky? Please. Anybody get a good look at this guy before they made him an NFL quarterback? Joe Flacco looks like an actual human being standing next to Orlovsky. There has never, EVER, been an uglier, goofier, more useless, retarded, genital-free pansy on a professional football field. First of all, he throws the ball like a girl. A girl with muscular distrophy. And no arms. Second of all, just look at him. For Christ's sake, somebody find Matt Millen, cram a machine gun up his ass, and hold the trigger down for a while. Then toss his carcass off a bridge onto Dan Orlovsky's car on the highway.
Neither team deserved to win this game. In fact, each team deserved it less than the other. Instead of giving either team a win after this one, the NFL should subtract a win and give two losses to each team.

New Orleans over Oakland, 34-3
My Pick: New Orleans over Oakland, 38-21
Way to show up, Oakland. Tom Cable . . . Jesus Christ. If it were up to me, I'd roll the electric chair into the gas chamber, and strap old Tom's still-twitching body parts in. Oh, did I mention the draw-and-quartering? Yeah, first I'd draw and quarter him, then strap his limbs, stump, and gasping, shrieking head into the electric chair in the gas chamber, light him on fire, and hit all available switches.
Drew Brees was next to perfect in this game. Reggie Bush permanently disgraced the NFL by tying a record for fastest to 200 catches while averaging -2.3 yards per catch.

New York Jets over Cincinnati, 26-14
My Pick: New York Jets over Cincinnati, 23-17
Pretty close, wasn't I? Almost hit it on the head, in fact. And as I predicted, it was an ugly, unwatchable mess between two totally fraudulent teams. Ryan Fitzpatrick led the Bengals in rushing for the second time this season, I shit you not. That tells you all you need to know about the 2008 Cincinnati Bengals.
As for the Jets . . . you know what? To hell with the Jets. I hope their team bus hits a patch of quicksand and they all die.

Tampa Bay over Carolina, 27-3
My Pick: Carolina over Tampa Bay, 19-9
I take this result personally. I believed in the Panthers. I hate the Bucs. The Bucs know this. They know it because, for the sixth week in a row, Jon Gruden started the day by cluelessly stomping out a burning bag on his doorstep only to have his feet covered in "dog" shit. And the deliverer of this ingenious IED? Yours truly, bitch!
Who fucking goes on the road in the division and gets de-pantsed like this? 27-3? The Carolina Panthers, folks: the most dependably fragile team in football. Pound the limp-dicked Kansas City Chiefs into cow-flop one Sunday, get mangled in a division game the next. Booooooooooooooo.

St. Louis over Washington, 19-17
My Pick: Washington over St. Louis, 31-16
Seriously, okay, seriously, lets actually take a look at this game.

Here are some things I can live with if the Redskins are winning football games:

1. Converting a high number and percentage of third downs into first downs.
2. Swarming to the ball and forcing the opposition into a high number of three-and-outs.
3. Relying on good coverage skills and unpredictable coverage schemes to disrupt the passing game.
4. Completing a high percentage of passes within 5 yards of the line of scrimmage and relying on YAC to eat up chunks of the field.
5. Taking the ball out of your quarterback's hands in the second half at the expense of the rhythm of the passing game in order to wear down the opposing defense with the ground game.

The Redskins are a solid third-down team, and that's great. Converting third downs is key to sustaining drives and winning time of possession. On the other hand, the Redskins have to be near the top of the league in third down attempts, because they NEVER hit big plays in their offense. I'm all for a short drop, quick hit passing game as a means of moving the ball, keeping the defense on their heels, and developing a rhythm. But the more plays you run in your offense on a given drive, the more likely you are to have an interception, or a sack, or a fumble, or a penalty, or just a bad play or a couple of near-misses. The way the Redskins have been playing offense through the first 6 weeks of the season, too much pressure has been put on their playmakers to play perfect football. In week 1, they couldn't do it. Then, for four weeks, they pulled it off. In week 6 we saw what happens when a team that needs a lot of time to put together scoring opportunities plays less than perfectly on offense: they lose. They score only 17 points against a bad defense. To put things in perspective, the Redskins turned the ball over 3 times and had 7 penalties. It killed their offense. The Cardinals turned the ball over 3 times and had 12 penalties, and they put up 26 offensive points against a far better defense than St. Louis's. Plain and simple, the Skins need to put together some big plays. In this game, they needed the ability to hit back immediately a couple of times, and they couldn't do it.

Washington's defense has been pretty good so far this season, but for crying out loud, they don't make plays for shit. Laron Landry drops an easy interception. London Fletcher drops an easy interception. This Rams team is crap, they've been straight up crap for the whole season, and frankly, their offense was effing crap on Sunday. Sometimes, it's not enough to swarm to the ball and make tackles. The Redskins need more than just Chris Horton out there flying around trying to get his hands on the ball. You can't drop interceptions, you just can't. If either of those guys comes down with the ball, the Redskins run away with this game. The Redskins have had 2 interceptions in their last 4 games. That won't effing do AT ALL.

Where's the fucking pass rush? I'm so sick of asking this question season after season! Why the hell can't the Redskins generate a push up front? They came away with 2 sacks in this game, but may I remind everyone that St. Louis has maybe the worst offensive line in football. Through 6 games, the Redskins have, I shit you not, 8 sacks. Fucking Greg Blatche. Blitz, motherfucker! Mix it up! Juqua Parker dropped into coverage Sunday afternoon in Philly's game in San Francisco, and the Eagles still generated enough heat to force J.T. O'Sullivan into an ugly interception. Every fucking team in the NFL has a better pass-rush than the Redskins, and at some point it has to lay at the feet of the conservative-to-a-fault defensive coordinator. And it can't wait until the off-season, it can't be addressed in the draft. Blatche needs to figure this shit out, the Redskins can't possibly continue to survive giving so much time to opposing quarterbacks. We need fucking turnovers.

Jason Campbell throws one of the most breathtaking mid-range balls in football. He's accurate, confident, and throws a hot, hot fastball out to 25 yards. I'm a little tired of the 5 yard completions. Yes, that's the West Coast offense, but damn. I'm sure if Joe Montana had Jason Campbell's bazooka, Walsh would have worked in a fair number of deep-in routes and skinny posts. I'm certain. We're letting defenses keep everthing in front of them, which is why our receivers are always this close to breaking a long run after catch, but are never actually behind the defense. It sucks, I want it to change.

And I can't handle the way the passing game seems to go on the back shelf in the second half. It's one thing when the Skins are ahead to go to the ground and start churning it out, but when the Skins are behind or in a close game, keep chucking it! This is the second week in a row where I've been suspicious that Jim Zorn lacks confidence in Jason Campbell down the stretch. What the hell does the guy have to do? He hasn't turned the ball over even once all season long! He's completing over 60% of his passes! He's got a cannon arm, he scrambles well, avoids the pass rush pretty well, and he's got some weapons! Zorn's getting a lot of credit for his aggressive play-calling, but really all we're talking about are a few trick plays and a couple of fourth-down conversions. Dial it up, bitch!

Now, this: obviously you don't go over with your offensive linemen what they should do if they find themselves on the receiving end of a forward pass, but for crying out loud, Pete Kendall is a fucking 13-year veteran. You mean to tell me it never once occurred to this guy to consider what the appropriate course of action would be if he came up with a deflected ball? Jesus! In Madden, in MADDEN, if one of my linemen comes up with a loose ball, they go down. Not only was that maybe the most embarrassing, awful play in Redskins history, it also cost the Redskins at least a 10-point swing, possibly even a 14-point swing, all the momentum, and a halftime lead. What the fuck. I'm getting sick even thinking about that play.

Now, really, it's just one game. Still, all the respect the Redskins had earned through 4 weeks of one big win after another has been squandered by shitting the bed against maybe the worst team in a decade of NFL football. Nobody will remember that the Skins significantly outplayed the Rams in week 6, nobody will give a shit that they moved the ball pretty well on most possessions before stalling at around the 30 drive after drive, mostly owing to fluky turnovers and stupid penalties. They've fallen back to the middle of the goddamn league, and they need a fucking statement win next Sunday to get some respect back. I won't settle for anything less than 6-2 entering week nine.

And as for Durant Brooks, this kid sucks. He's a lemon. I don't hate the guy, I feel genuine empathy for him, and I was less angry than really sad when he stunk out the joint on Sunday. But he's got to go. He might be the worst punter I've ever watched in a pro game.

Jacksonville over Denver, 24-17
My Pick: Jacksonville over Denver, 28-27
Told y'all!
Denver sucks. This was inevitable. They get to join all the other blank-and-one teams who crapped the bed on Sunday and dropped to blank-and-two.
As for Jacksonville, now they'll go and drop a game in week 7. I don't even need to look at the schedule. They suck, they're inconsistent, they're banged up, their coach is crap, they suck.
Good win, though.

Arizona over Dallas, 30-24
My Pick: Arizona over Dallas, 35-24
Heheheheheheheh . . . huh huh huh . . . . BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
And then there's this game! Dunnn-dun-duh-dunn-dunn-dun-duh-dun-duh-dunnnnnnnn . . . Dunnn-dun-duh-dunnnnnn . . . . Dunnn-dun-duh-dunnnnnnn!
Inevitable, y'all! And made all the better by the fact that T.O. only caught 4 passes and was a total non-factor!
If there's a sour note to this game, it's that Tony Romo was fine in that bull-shit Fantasy Stats sort of way in which he thrives. He fumbled the ball 3 times in the game, but only lost one. He held the ball too long in the pocket. He sucked again, but will anybody notice? Hell no. While Jason Campbell hasn't turned the ball over a single time all season, it'll be Tony effing Romo in the Pro-Bowl despite having turned the ball over at least once in every game this season and not actually being a big part of his team's success at all. The fact that fumbles actually count less than interceptions in the general evaluation of a quarterback is baloney, when you think about it: when a quarterback throws an interception, for the most part it's sort of like a short punt - it gives the other team the ball further from the end-zone. When they lose a fumble, they give the other team the ball and some yardage. And Romo is a goddamn fumble machine. He also throws too many interceptions. And I can't even look at the guy's face without wanting to puke. How the fuck do you root for a guy like that? He's disgusting!

This just in: Romo broke the pinky finger on his throwing hand against the Cardinals and is out 4 weeks. I don't hate the guy enough to celebrate his injury, I really don't. I hope he heals up well and comes back just as gay as ever.

Philadelphia over San Francisco, 40-26
My Pick: Philadelphia over San Francisco, 31-13
In the always fun Syllable Bowl, the 5-syllable Eagles pounded the 4-syllable 49ers in the fourth quarter and ran away with the victory.
Hey, here's an interesting thing: Mike Martz's first stop as an offensive coordinator in the NFL was in St. Louis in 1999. The previous season, the Rams went 4-12. That was the tail end of a nine-year stretch in which the Rams were an abysmal 45-99.
In 2006, Martz was hired by the Lions following a 5-11 campaign at the end of a five-year stretch of 21-59 football.
In 2008, Martz was hired by the 49ers following a 5-11 campaign following a five-year run of 25-55 football.
In short, incompetent, poorly run garbage franchises hire Mike Martz as a continuation of the same bullshit mismanagement that put them in the toilet to begin with. Here's my question: when Mike Nolan is unceremoniously dumped during the 49ers' bye week and Martz is dumped as interim after the season, will he be able to find another coordinator job in the NFL? I say yes, if the position is available in either Oakland or Kansas City. There's a significant chance he'll land a job as a head coach in the Pac-10, but that's just my hunch.

San Diego over New England, 30-10
My Pick: San Diego over New England, 29-23
To be honest, I can't tell you much about what happened in this game. I didn't watch it and I haven't bothered to read up on it. I figured San Diego would win because even Ben Stein could get the Chargers pumped for this match-up. Matt Cassel isn't the worst quarterback in the NFL, but he's not good enough to hoist this incredibly slow collection of corpses on his back and win a road game against a motivated, competent team. Randy Moss has officially checked out on this season, and you know what? We fucking told you, you dipshit Pats fans, we sure did. Just like T.O. in Dallas, there's no way to keep these guys from being who they are. T.O. bitches, he just does. He's a chemistry-wrecker, he will always destroy a team's chemistry, which is why he'll never win a Super Bowl. Along those same lines, Randy Moss will not exert himself for a team he doesn't believe can win without his effort. He's a front runner, through and through. He'll bust his ass when he thinks he can put up big numbers and win going away, but no way in hell will this guy go all out for a loser. And that's what you've got in New England: a busted-down, karma-soaked loser. San Diego smelled blood in the water, and they're just the kind of panties-wearing office-bullies to stomp on a weak, bleeding visitor on the second leg of a west-coast swing. Does it mean they're any good? Or legit? Hell no. Maybe after Norv Turner is fired, they can bring in Jon Gruden to ride the roster's coattails to another baloney Super Bowl. In fact, I'm laying odds on that exact scenario: 10-1 that Jon Gruden lands in San Diego at the tail end of this roster's run of physical superiority.

And now, switching gears:

Cleveland over New York Giants, 35-14
My Pick: New York Giants over Cleveland, 24-13
Now that's how you come out of a bye week! This was a completely different Cleveland Browns team than we saw in any other contest this season. Derek Anderson was sharp, the running game was productive, the offensive line was very strong, Braylon Edwards made several huge plays, and most importantly, the defense was flying around making plays. What a rebound for the Browns! And now they're coming to Washington. Know what I say to that? Bring it on, bitches! I'm much happier to have a seemingly strong Browns team at FedEx next Sunday than a desperate pile of dog-meat. There'll be no overlooking these bastards now.
As for the Giants, what the hell happened to Eli Manning? Man, it was the same old smelly turd back there as at points last season, wasn't it? He was forcing the ball left and right and never looked settled, and he killed the Giants at several key moments. The refs bailed him out of a fumble, too, with a bogus defensive penalty. On the one hand, I'm happy to see the Giants busted down to earth a little bit, but on the other hand, I didn't expect them to look this terrible. It's one thing to go on the road and lose to the Browns coming off their bye week, it's something else altogether to lose by 21 points! The shine on the NFC East has been pretty well scuffed after week 6, don't you think? The winless Rams took down the Redskins in Washington, the one-win Browns steamrolled the Giants, and the Cardinals embarrassed the Cowboys. Even the Eagles needed to come from behind to win at San Francisco.
I expect a bounce back. The Giants host San Francisco in what I insist will be one of this season's most violently one-sided demolitions. The Redskins host the Browns in what should be a big-time rebound game. The Eagles are on a bye before hosting the Atlanta Falcons. The Brad Johnson-led Cowboys can get some divisional revenge on the Rams in St. Louis. Each team in the division should add a win in their next game.


And now for something totally different!

My Pro Bowl Picks
That's right, I've already submitted four ballots for the Pro Bowl. I know it's early. Blame the NFL for making the ballots available so early.

And here's a warning: this is a homered out fanboy ballot. I'm going to go through and justify each selection, to the best of my ability, but it's homered out nonetheless.

Let's start in the bullshit conference:

The AFC

Quarterback
1. Philip Rivers
Okay, despite how embarrassingly up-and-down the Chargers have been this season, very little of that can be attributed to Rivers. This cat has been ridiculously great so far this season: 62% completion percentage for about 1,500 yards, 14 touchdowns, 4 interceptions, 1 fumble, and a 109.4 quarterback rating. This one more or less speaks for itself.
2. Ben Roethlisberger
Starting for the 4-1 AFC North leading Steelers has to count for something, and it's not like Roethlisberger is playing poorly, either. 64% passing, 7 touchdowns, 3 picks, 3 lost fumbles, and a 95.7 quarterback rating. Roethlisberger also had a dominating performance against Jacksonville and has had to soldier on despite playing behind one of the worst offensive lines in football and with a banged up backfield. Also, the AFC crowd is pretty weak.
3. Trent Edwards
Again, quarterbacking a 4-1 team means a lot to me. And look what the kid's doing: 66% passing, 948 yards, 4 touchdowns, 2 picks, 2 lost fumbles, and a 93.9 quarterback rating. Despite his age and experience, he's been a steady hand for a very young Bills offense, he's integrated a new offensive design, and he's taking some shots down field. For my money, this guy has been the third best quarterback in the AFC so far this season.

Also-rans: Jay Cutler (turns the ball over too much, inflated statistics, questionable leadership, fraudulent team), Brett Favre (turns the ball over too much, grossly inflated statistics, fraudulent team), Chad Pennington (not really the catalyst behind his team's success, mostly a bystander).

Runningback
1. Ronnie Brown
Not that there's much to even say about this pick. Brown has been outstanding in every game this season. For crying out loud, the guy already has 8 total touchdowns this season! It's arguable that no player in the NFL has been a bigger part of his team's success than Ronnie Brown.
2. Marshawn Lynch
To be honest, there aren't a lot of better options out there. Lynch has been a workhorse on a 4-1 Bills team. He's got 4 touchdowns, 17 first downs, 2 20+ yard carries, and 15 receptions, and dammit, his team is 4-1!
3. Chris Johnson
Johnson is third among AFC runningbacks in yards, gets 4.5 a pop, and has been a huge part of Tennessee's 5-0 start. He's got 3 total touchdowns and has added 12 receptions despite sharing a lot of carries with Lendale White.

Also-rans: Ladanian Tomlinson (3.7 yards per carry on one of the NFL's most disappointing teams), Larry Johnson (has only been a factor in 2 Kansas City games and plays on perhaps the worst team in the NFL).

Receiver
1. Brandon Marshall
Look at his friggin' numbers! 43 catches, 521 yards, 3 touchdowns, 7 20+ yard receptions, and 28 first downs. Brandon Marshall might well be the best receiver in the NFL.
2. Reggie Wayne
33 catches make him 10th in the NFL, 468 yards receiving, 4 touchdowns, 8 20+ yard receptions, and 14.2 yards per reception. Not only is he pretty clearly one of the best receivers in the NFL, but his number back it up, even in a down year for his offense as a whole.
3. Andre Johnson
Johnson is currently the 8th best receiver in the NFL in terms of catches, 14.4 yards per catch, 2 scores, 6 20+ yard receptions including a 40+, 23 first down receptions, and all this despite being pretty obviously the best weapon on his team, which means he's constantly fighting his way through and around committed double-teams.
4. Lee Evans
This is a tougher case to make, but bear with me. Evans might only be 68th in the NFL in terms of catches, but he's averaging some absurd numbers nonetheless: 27 yards per catch! 2 scores, 7 20+ yard catches, 3 40+ yard catches, all but two of his catches have been for first downs, and for crying out loud, the guy is averaging 86 yards per game despite getting fewer than 4 catches an outing! Plus, well, his team is 4-1.

Fullback
1. LeRon McClain
Pretty easy case to make here. This guy actually has ball-carrying responsibilities on the Ravens. In fact, he leads the Ravens in carries, yards, and rushing touchdowns, and frankly, he's the engine of their offense. No other fullback in the NFL has his impact on games.

Tight Ends
1. Owen Daniels
Pretty easy case to make here: Daniels leads all AFC tight ends in catches and yards and has 4 20+ yard catches. He's a difference maker at tight-end, and his numbers stack up against anybody in his conference. His 13.4 yards a catch is eye-popping.
2. Antonio Gates
Another easy case: he's third in the AFC in catches, has 4 touchdowns on the year, 4 20+ yard catches, and 15 first down receptions. He's also getting an impressive 12.6 yards a catch.

Also-ran: Tony Gonzales (good numbers, but playing for an abysmal team with perhaps the worst offense in the NFL).

Center
1. Kevin Mawae
Not only are the Titans a committed run-first offense, not only are they 5-0, not only is Mawae the centerpiece of the offensive line, but do you realize this team has only given up 2 sacks on the season? 2 sacks! With Kerry effing Collins rooted in the pocket! That's outstanding offensive line play.
2. Casey Wiegmann
I've got to hand it to the guy: he's the signal caller of an offensive line that has only allowed 2 sacks and is in front of the NFL's 10th ranked rushing game. I wouldn't have guessed at either of those stats, but there they are.

Guard
1. Cooper Carlisle
Didn't see that shit coming, did you? Guards do their most important work in the running game, and the Raiders are the AFC's top rushing offense. Add to that the fact that they're in the middle of the NFL pack in terms of sacks, and you've got an offensive line doing a bang-up job. Carlisle is a big part.
2. Eric Steinbach
The Browns have only allowed 8 sacks all season and the running game has been decent. Steinbach is pretty obviously one of the best and most athletic guards in football.
3. Ben Grubbs
Not only are the Ravens the AFC's second best rushing offense, did you know they've only allowed 10 sacks, which puts them in the top half of the NFL in the statistic? Good shit from this line . . . great shit, in fact. A rookie quarterback and a seriously depleted backfield, and they're still doing the job.

Tackle
1. Ryan Diem
Hey, know what? The Colts have only allowed 9 sacks on the season, despite big time injuries on the offensive line, a terrible defense that has kept the offense in passing mode, and a rushing attack that hasn't scared anybody. Diem has been maybe the only fully healthy member of the line.
2. Marcus McNeill
San Diego has one of the top passing offense in the league, Philip Rivers has been mostly upright, McNeill has been doing the job.
3. Jake Long
Protecting the backside of a quarterback who has only been sacked 10 times all season is only part of the deal: he's been a key cog in a big-time rushing attack working in a brand new system. Great work from the youngster.

Defensive Ends
1. Kyle Vanden Bosch
Easy pick for me. The Titans defensive front has been absolutely unbelievable through 5 games. Vanden Bosch might not get the stats, but he's a big-time contributor.
2. Haloti Ngata
Again, a dominating run defender. This guy doesn't pick up a lot of stats either, but he's an enormous load to move out of a hole and his activity level is outstanding. No way Ray Lewis is still playing at this level without a terror like Ngata disrupting things up front.
3. Mario Williams
First among AFC defensive linemen in sacks, and also has 2 forced fumbles on the season. This guy is a beast, he was snubbed last year, but he's pretty clearly one of the best defensive ends in football.

Defensive Tackles
1. Albert Haynesworth
And I don't have to say a word about it.
2. Casey Hampton
The NFL's best nose-tackle.
Update: Okay, so Casey Hampton hasn't been healthy a whole lot. Here's his substitute.
3. Kris Jenkins
I have to tip my hat on this one: Jenkins is the nose tackle of the NFL's third ranked rushing defense, I shit you not. This guy can still play!

Outside Linebacker
1. Keith Bulluck
Too easy.
2. James Harrison
A key part of Pittsburgh's 3-4 alignment, and he's second in the NFL in sacks. Easy case to be made here.
3. Joey Porter
The heart and soul of Miami's defense and tied for second in the NFL in sacks. Another easy call.

Middle Linebacker
1. D'Qwell Jackson
Not an easy call, but here's my defense: Jackson is third in the NFL in tackles, has 2 pass defenses and an interception, and dammit, he's a good player. Cleveland's defense is actually in the middle of the NFL in yards allowed, but is fifth overall in points allowed. Good shit.
2. Ray Lewis
Still chugging along, having another productive season for one of the NFL's best defenses. This is an easy call.

Cornerbacks
1. Courtland Finnegan
Too easy. Tennessee's defense is outstanding, Finnegan is a beast.
2. Terrence McGee
Buffalo's pass defense is ranked near the top of the AFC, and Greer has been outstanding, with 7 passes defended and 2 picks.
3. Rashean Mathis
Yes, I know Jacksonville's defense is down a bit, but Mathis is all over the place. The guy has 6 passes defended, 2 picks, a forced fumble, a fumble recovery, and 2 scores. If those aren't Pro Bowl numbers, I don't know what are.

Strong Safety
1. Troy Polamalu
Easy, easy call. 8 defended passes, 3 picks, 25 tackles, and he plays for one of the NFL's best defenses.

Free Safety
1. Michael Griffin
Another super easy call: 9 passes defended, 25 tackles, and tied for the NFL lead (with teammate Finnegan) with 4 interceptions. Easy.

Kicker
1. Rob Bironas
The guy boots the ball into the endzone consistently, that's good enough for me. Plus, they're winning close games.

Punter
1. Shane Lechler
Again, the guy boots the ball a long way with a lot of hangtime.

And now . . .

The Washington Redsk . . . err . . . The NFC

Quarterback
1. Drew Brees
Honestly, it might be time to start talking about whether or not Drew Brees is the best quarterback in the NFL. Unlike Tony Romo, Brees has actually won a playoff game. His numbers are otherworldly: 71% passing, 1,993 yards, 12 touchdowns, 6 picks, and a 105 passer rating. Great stuff.
2. Eli Manning
Stink bomb against Cleveland notwithstanding, he's been great for the NFL's best team through 6 weeks: 64% passing, 1,228 yards, 7 touchdowns, 4 picks, and a 91.4 quarterback rating.
3. Jason Campbell
Look, you don't go through 6 weeks of tough, competitive football without throwing a single interception or losing a single fumble and not get a nod. His numbers add up: 64% passing, 1,262 yards, 6 touchdowns, 0 picks, and a 96.2 passer rating. Let's not even talk about his big runs, either.

Also-rans: Kurt Warner (way too many turnovers, fella), Tony Romo (same deal), Aaron Rodgers (same), Donovan McNabb (win some more games, shitter), Matt Ryan (almost, but not quite).

Runningbacks
1. Clinton Portis
The NFL's leading rusher, a league-leading 6 touchdowns, and a league-leading 5 20+ yard carries. And he hasn't fumbled once, y'all. This is an easy one.
2. Brandon Jacobs
5.7 yards a carry, 4 scores, 5 20+ yard carries, and his team is 4-1. Another easy one.
3. Michael Turner
The NFL's second leading rusher, 6 scores, 5 20+ yard carries and a 40+ yarder, and he plays for a 4-2 team. He's a beast.

Also-rans: Adrian Peterson (too many fumbles), Frank Gore (damn close, it came down to fumbles).

Receiver
1. Larry Fitzgerald
Easy to call. 546 yards, 5 scores, 7 20+ yarders, 2 40+ yarders, and 15.2 yards per catch.
2. Greg Jennings
Another really easy call. 653 yards, 4 scores, 12 20+ yarders, 5 40+ yarders, 19.2 yards per catch. It doesn't get any easier than that, folks.
3. Roddy White
Frankly, another easy one. 566 yards, 3 scores, 8 20+ yarders, 2 40+ yarders, 16.2 yards per catch, and his team is 4-2. He's a beast, officially.
4. DeSean Jackson
Easier than you think. He's tied for fourth in the NFC in catches, he's got a score, 8 20+ yard catches, 2 40+ yard catches, he's getting about 15 yards per catch, and he's been a big time difference maker, including on special teams.

Also-rans: Santana Moss (has now officially disappeared in two straight games), Lance Moore (who?), Mushin Muhammed (close, but no cigar).

Fullback
1. Mike Sellars
Please. As if there's any discussion here. Pretty easily the most overwhelming blocker at his position in the NFL, and a pretty damn good runner and receiver. He's as big a part of Clinton Portis's success this season as anybody else on the team.

Tight End
1. Jason Witten
Easy. First in the conference among tight ends in receptions, yards, and 20+ yard receptions by a pretty healthy margin.
2. Chris Cooley
Also easy. Second in the conference in catches, yards, and 20+ yard catches among tight ends, and a dangerous weapon at his position. He's also a pretty damn underrated blocker.

Centers
1. Shaun O'Hara
Duh. The Giants are near the top of the NFL in rushing yardage and the line has done an excellent job of keeping Eli Manning upright. This is a no-brainer.
2. Todd McClure
Hey, start all 6 games for a 4-2 Falcons team that is both near the top of the conference in rushing and near the top of the conference in protecting the passer, and you're in. Calling the line signals in front of a rookie quarterback under these circumstances, this guy might not just be a Pro Bowler, he might be the next President of the United States.

Guards
1. Chris Snee
Again, New York's line has been outstanding, no one individual more so than Snee, who is responsible for making all those massive holes for Brandon Jacobs to run through on the right side.
2. Randy Thomas
Washington has the NFL's best rushing offense and he's a huge reason. Eat it.
3. Leonard Davis
Dallas might have the NFL's most balanced offense, and despite Romo's recent pounding against Arizona, the o-line has done a decent job of protecting the guy.

Tackles
1. Jordan Gross
Carolina's offensive line has been flat-out great through 6 weeks. Gross has done an outstanding job in pass-protection, and we already know how great Carolina's rushing attack has been.
Update: Jordon Gross has been a bit banged up. Therefore, his replacement will be Jammal Brown of the Saints. So there.
2. Chris Samuels
Washington's #1 ranked rushing offense has been churning behind this cat all season, and he's been protecting the blind-side of the only NFL quarterback to not turn the ball over this season.
3. Tra Thomas
Donovan McNabb has only been sacked 10 times in Philadelphia's fifth ranked passing offense. Also, Philly's linemen are asked to do as much as any group in the NFL. Philly almost never uses Brian Westbrook or L.J. Smith as blockers, and their linemen have to do a lot of scooting out in front of screen passes.

Defensive End
1. John Abraham
The NFL's sack leader. Easy call.
2. Aaron Kampman
One of the most disruptive defensive ends in football, he's also fourth in the league in sacks.
3. Juqua Parker
11th in the NFL in sacks, he's also defended 4 passes, forced a fumble, and returned an interception for a touchdown. Super easy.

Defensive Tackle
1. Kevin Williams
The NFC's version of Albert Haynesworth, this guy just had 4 sacks in one game against the Lions. He's also the centerpiece of the NFL's fourth best rushing defense.
2. Fred Robbins
New York's defense is sixth overall in the NFL, and Robbins leads them in sacks with four.
3. Darnell Dockett
A consistently disruptive player with 19 tackles, 2 sacks, and a fumble recovery. Arizona's defense is dangerous and vastly improved, and Dockett is a big reason.

Outside Linebacker
1. Chad Greenway
Fifth in the NFC in tackles with 44 on one of the conference's best defenses. Greenway also has 2 forced fumbles on the season.
2. Rocky McIntosh
I have the benefit of watching this guy play every Sunday, and so I therefore know better than you. In all seriousness, the Redskins have the NFL's eighth ranked defense, and McIntosh is second on the team in tackles, has 2 forced fumbles and a half a sack. I don't have any more than that . . . sorry.
3. Takeo Spikes
It's got to be. 10th in the NFC in tackles, he's got 3 picks and a forced fumble to go with 7 passes defended.

Middle Linebacker
1. London Fletcher-Baker
4th in the NFC in tackles on the NFC's fifth best defense. 'Nuff said.
2. Barrett Ruud
Too easy. 40 tackles, 6 passes defended, 2 picks, and a sack. Great season underway for the young guy.

Cornerbacks
1. Antoine Winfield
Hey, the guy is having a monster season. 31 tackles, 2 sacks, 6 passes defended, a pick, 2 forced fumbles, 2 fumble recoveries, and a touchdown. Booooom!!!!
2. Charles Woodson
Tied for the NFL lead with 4 picks, he's also got a sack, 14 tackles, and . . . oh . . . only 2 touchdowns. Easy case to be made.
3. Carlos Rogers
25 tackles, 8 passes defended, and a crucial pick and 42-yard return. Rogers has only had a major hand in shutting down Anquan Boldin, Terrell Owens, DeSean Jackson, and Torry Holt through 6 games, and is the most dependable corner on the NFC's fifth ranked pass defense.

Strong Safety
1. Chris Horton
By a long shot, too. Look at his numbers: 28 tackles, 6 passes defended, 3 picks, and a fumble recovery. He's a Pro Bowl caliber player by the numbers. I don't even need to defend this one too much.

Free Safety
1. LaRon Landry
Eh, fuck you. His stats aren't huge: 22 tackles, a half-sack, and a fumble recovery, but his contributions to the defense are immeasurable. He's the center-fielder, and he plays more cover-1 than any free safety in football.

Kicker
1. Josh Brown
Did you see that guy ice the Redskins on Sunday? He's got a big-time leg, he does. And he won a game for the Rams when they were desperate to lose it.

Punter
1. Sav Rocca
He booms his punts, y'all. 46.3 yards per punt, 10 inside the 20. Good shit.

Ummmmm . . . oh yeah, The Specialists

Return Guys

AFC
1. Roscoe Parrish
He's a beast. You've all seen him.

NFC
1. Reggie Bush
You don't return 3 punts for touchdowns in 2 games and not get the nod here, all due respect to Devin Hester.

Specialists

AFC
1. George Wilson
The ace of the Buffalo Bills' best-in-the-NFL special teams.

2. Corey Graham
Okay, I pulled this one out of a hat. He's on the ballot, he plays for the Bears, they have pretty good special teams, there you have it.


Week 7 picks will be out maybe as early as this afternoon. Clearly, I don't have real work to do.

Gameday, Son!

This will be less a game-day diary and more of just a running commentary on what I'm thinking as the game goes on. Wait, does that make it a game-day diary? I just don't want to get anybody's hopes up for an interesting read here. There's every chance I'll ditch this early in the first quarter.

First, I'm disappointed that Malcolm Kelly is out again. When is this guy going to be healthy? On the other hand, I'm extremely happy that Shawn Springs is starting. The defense is 100% better with him on the field.

An early 12-men on the field penalty for St. Louis, not a good sign for them. Trying to turn things around after the bye under a new coach, not an encouraging start.

An early false start on Jon Jansen. Overcompensating for the speed of Leonard Little, are we? This will be a running subplot of this game, watching Jon Jansen in pass protection against a bona-fide speed rusher.

Shite. NFL.com's gamecast is ahead of the radio broadcast. Not fun at all. And a failed third down conversion to boot. But a great special teams break on a line-drive punt from Durant "Worst Punter in Football" Brooks, and the Rams are backed up, son!

Huge special teams play for Tampa Bay to take an early lead! And a big defensive play for Cincinnati!

Huge turnover by the Rams! Redskins ball inside the five! Bad, bad start for the Rams, maybe they really are this bad! And it was Marcus "Banged Up" Washington that forced it and Laron Landry who recovered . . . and Clinton Portis makes it count, folks. Great break for the Skins. 7-0 early.

Great start for Matt Ryan in Atlanta - 5/5 for 57 yards and a scoring drive on their opening drive. Good start there.

My Fantasy Roster for today: Jason Campbell (too early to tell), Matt Schaub (d'oh!), Steve Slaton (so far, so good), Brandon Jacobs (tomorrow night), Calvin Johnson (Dan Orlovsky? Damn!), Reggie Wayne (el zilcho so far), and Washington's defense (huzzah!). I'm looking pretty good right now on Campbell, Slaton, and Washington's D, except that Laron Landry just dropped an easy pick on third down, dammit.

Just for the record, Chris Horton has two tackles already, and Laron Landry just dropped what would have been his second turnover of the first quarter. I think we're all set at safety.

Big strike from Payton Manning to Marvin Harrison! Colts are in business early . . .

Pennington to Cobbs (who?) for 53 yards and a score! Good start for Miami!

And the Jets have duplicated the Redskins feat from Week 4 of having two touchdowns negated in one red-zone appearance by penalties. For the record, three penalties by the Bengals and Jets in one series inside the 15 yard line. Well coached, those teams. And the Jets are on the board! All tied up in Jersey!

Nothing impressive, so far, about Washington's offense in the first quarter. And a corner blitz dumps Jason Campbell on third and six. Booooooo. Need a good punt here . . . and it's a disaster. Now the crowd is booing. The punting is now officially a big problem.

Matt Schaub has two incompletions, and they were both picks. This guy's killin' me.

Huge play to blow up the reverse by Chris Horton! This guy is a beast!

Rams can't put two positive plays in a row together. A nice completion, then a pile-moving run up the middle, then a holding penalty to make it second and long. Except when they do put two good plays together, as in a completion followed by another for a first down in Skins territory. Damn.

Indy chewing up Baltimore early, moving the ball again. 5/7 for 106 and a score for Manning.

Another field goal for Atlanta, blanking Chicago 6-0. They're a good home team, like I said!

And Tampa scores again, 14-0 over Carolina!

Can't let Bulger get in a rhythm like this. He's so easy to disrupt with pressure, we've got to get some heat on this guy. They're already close to field goal position, for crying out loud.

Indy scores, and it's my guy Reggie Wayne! Great start for Indy!

Ugly miss by St. Louis, and it'll be either a 50-yard field goal attempt or an elaborate, desperate fake. Kick is up . . . and it's good off the upright. Well, at least we haven't let the turds tie it up.

Dismal fumble by Adrian Peterson in the redzone. Bad news for Minnesota to still be tied at nothing with the atrocious Lions.

Alright, dammit, it's time for a drive here for the Skins. We can't let the Rams chew up the clock and keep the offense cold. Let's get something going here! And a big run for Portis off a quick look from Campbell! Nice!

Ugh. Larry Michael and Sam Huff really screwing up Pisa Tinoisamoa's name. That's really embarrassing. As if Redskins fans aren't already embarrassed by Huff's commentary, then he goes and butchers a guy's name repeatedly.

Nice drive ends when Chris Cooley puts the ball on the turf. At least Campbell got into a rhythm there. Need a stop or turnover here. That Rams offensive line looks like garbage.

Safety in Minnesota! Vikings up!

15 plays for St. Louis, 14 for the Skins at the end of the first quarter. Both teams have lost fumbles. Redskins lead in yardage 81-48 and on the scoreboard, 7-3.

Three penalties already for the Rams. On the road, with a new head coach, trying to turn around the season, you can't keep shooting yourself in the foot like this. For the record, though, I'm really not too happy with how this game has gone so far. The Rams are controlling the ball and the Skins haven't been able to do much with their offense. I'm also not encouraged by the fact that there's no pass-rush, and the only trouble Marc Bulger has had in the pocket has been with low snaps from the center.

Cobbs 80 yards for his second score of the day! Big plays from the Dolphins in Houston!

10 total yards for the Lions in the first quarter against Minnesota. 0 catches for Calvin Johnson. On the plus side, they've already sacked Gus Frerotte 3 times. What happened to Minnesota's offensive line, one of the best in football last season? Gus took a pounding last week, too.

Ruh-roh. Jason Campbell and Chris Samuels slow to get up on that one. I'm just putting it out there: there's a whole sub-set of Washington fans just waiting for Jason Campbell to go down so they can throw him under a bus. And they're assholes. For shit's sake . . . Campbell's limping. No good. These effing Rams; 0-4, dismal, terrible, going to lose, but damn if they won't take down our quarterback on the way down.

I love the way the Redskins play on third and fourth down, but I'm really not interested in them being a team that needs a lot of third down conversions. I'd like a little more "quick strike" in their offense, only so they can put up 30 or more every once in a while.

Jets again, and it's Thomas Jones again, this time on the ground. Screw the Jets. Screw the Bengals, too, but screw the Jets. In fact, somebody call disenfranchised Brigadier General Francis X. Hummel to shoot a VX missile at that stadium right now.

Fucking A, another goddamn fumble by the Redskins, and it's lost. Not good, y'all. Not good at all.

Punt return touchdown for the Texans, and it's a game in Houston! Big special teams plays today around the league.

I somebody going to explain to me why Baltimore has run 7 times for 7 yards in Indy through a quarter and a half? What gives? Either Dungy figured out run defense or the Ravens flat out stink. One or the other. And Flacco tosses his second pick of the game. 7 running plays for 7 yards, 13 pass attempts and 2 picks.

Big run by Jason Campbell on third down! Great play! Apparently not too gimpy at all!

I'll say this for the Rams: they're competing. By God, they came to play, the bastards. Nobody told them how badly I wanted them to just lay down and die in this one. They've been pretty professional on offense, and they're doing a job on defense, they really are. They look better on defense against the Skins than any team but the Giants. The home crowd is quite quiet midway into the second quarter, and the Skins are taking herky jerky small bites in their offense and can't get a rhythm. Discouraging for Skins fans, but if you're a St. Louis supporter, you've got to like what you're seeing right now. They may not win, but they're competing.

And here comes Durant Brooks. Cross your fingers . . . horrible. Big time boos from the home crowd. There's something not right with this kid. How the hell do you win the Ray Guy award when I'm a better punter than you, and I can't even lift my leg anywhere near waist-level? Seriously, I get better hangtime on my punts than this guy does. I'm barely kidding at all.

And you're seeing the Al Saunders offense in gear in St. Louis: wasted timeouts, confused motion, no running game, holdings and false-starts, and an inability to get in and out of the huddle quickly consistently. Saunders is garbage. Donny Avery just T-Rexed that one, didn't he? He saw McIntosh coming and thought better of it. Time for one good scoring drive before the half, got to get something going here.

Oh shit, Jason Fabini in at left tackle to face Chris Long down after down. Yipe! Hey, think maybe the Rams will be blitzing over the left side of the offense?

Worst goddamn play I've ever seen. Tipped ball, Pete Kendall somehow comes down with it, but instead of going down with it or knocking it down, he tries to run like a fucking idiot, fumbles, Otogwe returns it for a touchdown, and I barf all over my computer. 3 turnovers in the first half. Seriously, this sucks. Three goddamn fumbles and a 3-point defecit into the third quarter.

Halftime, bitches.

Let's glance around the league:

Atlanta dominating Chicago at halftime, though they only have 3 field goals and 6-point lead to show for it.

Miami and Houston in a close one. I'd love to watch that one down the stretch.

Indy all over Baltimore (like I said), 24-0 at the half. Indy's back, y'all!

Detroit at 3-2 over Minnesota, and it's not even a soccer or baseball score. First of all, how can anyone take Minnesota seriously? Second of all, Detroit has done virtually nothing on offense, and they're winning. I feel bad for Detroit and Minnesota fans having to watch that atrocity.

New Orleans up 10-3 over the Raiders. And these aren't Lane Kiffin's Raiders: 16 called pass plays to only 10 runs. Al Davis is having his way.

Jets up 3 over the Carson "Gutless" Palmer-less Bengals. Apparently this one still hasn't been converted into a crater.

Tampa Bay all over Carolina. 2 picks by Jake Delhomme. You knew there was a good chance the Panthers would turn it over against the Tampa-2.

I'm a little thunderstruck by the ugliness of the Skins offense through the first half. No rhythm whatsoever. And the defense still can't get to a quarterback.

Know what? Call it a first half diary. I'm done with this shit. Check back for the week 6 recap later in the week.