Week 5 in Review

I'm going to have to keep this brief. I don't have a whole shit-load of time for this re-cap.

And with that rousing introduction, off we go!

Bengals over Ravens, 17-14
My Pick: Ravens over Bengals, 27-17
Okay, officially, the Bengals are real. And I just have to bump the Ravens down the rankings a bit. I still think they're a top 6 or 7 team, but they've lost on consecutive weeks and both their offense and defense have looked less dominant each of the last two weeks.

Panthers over Redskins, 20-17
My Pick: Panthers over Redskins, 20-17
Ding ding ding ding ding!

Nailed it, bitches.

Look, I don't care if they interpreted the rule correctly; the officials hosed the Redskins on Sunday. That rule is absolutely absurd, and the person who wrote it should be dipped into boiling oil until their insides erupt out of their eye-sockets.

The playcalling was much, much better on Sunday (except for that motherfucking stretch run from the two yard line. Every time the Redskins call that in short-yardage situations, I want to tear my angry face off and mail it to Redskins Park), and the defense kept the pressure on for most of the afternoon. Ultimately, it was terrible pass protection, uneven run blocking, and one horrific rule that doomed the Skins. Like I said, they really aren't ready to beat competent teams on the road.

Browns over Bills, 6-3
My Pick: Bills over Browns, with a real NFL football score. See, I thought this was a FOOTBALL game.
Turns out, some guy on the Browns baseball team is in some kind of 2-17 slump. Bummer.

Steelers over Lions, 28-20
My Pick: Steelers over Lions, 31-24
I said they'd cover.

Cowboys over Chiefs, 26-20
My Pick: Cowboys over Chiefs, 20-14
I'm not at all afraid of the Cowboys. The Chiefs had every opportunity to win this game, and in fact should have gotten the victory. For whatever reason, they couldn't tackle Miles Austin for shit. How bad do you think Roy Williams feels right now? Miles Austin was a starter for one week and he caught 10 balls for 250 yards. Roy Williams has 11 catches for 214 yards on the SEASON. What an overrated bum.

Vikins over Rams, 38-10
My Pick: Vikins over Rams, 28-10
You know, the bottom part of the NFL is really, really terrible this season.

Giants over Raiders, 44-7
My Pick: Giants over Raiders, 27-6
Eli Manning played, and played well, but they really didn't need him out there at all. David Carr did fine as a fill-in, and they would have won handily even if he'd started. Hell, they would have won if David Hasselhoff had started. There's only one person on Earth the Giants couldn't have won with, and that person started at quarterback for the Oakland Raiders.

Eagles over Bucs, 33-14
My Pick: Eagles over Bucs, 23-16
Yes, I scoffed at the idea of the Eagles, Giants, and Cowboys being favored by a combined 38.5 points. Turned out the Giants alone won by 37 points, then the Eagles won by 19. Kinda makes it even worse that I'm a Redskins fan.

Falcons over 49ers, 45-10
My Pick: 49ers over Falcons, 17-14
You know, I'm happy with this result. I still think the 49ers are a good team, but I'm happy to know the Falcons are that much better than the 49ers.

Cardinals over Texans, 28-21
My Pick: Cardinals over Texans, 35-31
Meh. These teams bore me to death.

Broncos over Patriots, 20-17
My Pick: Broncos over Patriots, 26-23
Am I the shit or what? I had a good weekend, actually. I nailed the spirit of 8 games in week 5. I picked an exact score, and was within a point of picking the exact spread of 5 different games. This was only my second best pick, actually.

Seahawks over Jaguars, 41-0
My Pick: Jaguars over Seahawks, 27-20
This was my worst, by far. Jacksonville had no business being out there.

Colts over Titans, 31-9
My Pick: Colts over Titans, 24-20
Wow, how about a no-show from Tennessee? Of all the things one might guess at or expect from this team and franchise, a no-show in a division game is not one of them. Count the Titans ALL THE WAY OUT for 2009. They might win 4 games.

Dolphins over Jets, 31-27
My Pick: Dolphins over Jets, 19-17
This was my best pick. I know I was closer on the final score in the Denver game, but giving a 3-1 road team a 3 point spread over a 4-0 home team is like begging for an Upset Special pick. This was a desperately needed win by a still-feisty Miami team, and they earned it. First of all, it was every bit the exciting contest I'd hoped for, and second of all, it makes the AFC East suddenly a whole lot more interesting. As far as I'm concerned, the Dolphins are still in that thing. Chad Henne is playing his ass off, and the Wildcat is still doing the job for the Dolphins. That's all great news for football fans; the 2009 NFL season will be a LOT more entertaining with a competitive Miami team hanging around.

That's all for Week 5. I'll have picks up for Week 6 hopefully before Sunday.

Peace!