I Get So Emotional, Baby!

You know, I haven't had much success with my picks so far this year. The best I've done in any week to this point is a 10-5 effort, which isn't exactly blowing anyone's hair back. While some may react to such a poor showing by stepping back, evaluating their method of making picks, apply some sort of reliable scientific method, and come back with a reinvented, rock-solid pick-making philosophy, I simply retreated from rationalizing my picks with any sort of football knowledge, and started going with as many home teams as possible. That, my friends, is a baloney approach, and recognizing that, I labeled it a ball-less move, the act of a coward.

Am I here to apply a studied, scientific approach? Am I here to flex my NFL brain muscles? Is this where I unleash my considerable wealth of football knowledge on the world? Hell no. I'm taking a different route altogether. In addition to my chicken-shit picks, which remove my instincts from the equation altogether and rely, for the most part, on overall records and home-field advantage, I'm doing a set of emotion picks. That's right, I'm picking the team I want to win, and then I'm going to waste a paragraph trying to convince myself they can pull it off.

And here we go:

Baltimore @ Buffalo
Of course I'm picking Buffalo, as I did in my regular picks. Why? Because I like them better. But in the interest of appearing as anything but a hopeless moron, why not lay out some reasons? Trent Edwards has looked solid in his two starts, and it looks like that's the direction the Bills are going in this game. Lee Evans has yet to break out, but look at how Braylon Edwards torched Chris McAlister in Cleveland's win over the Ravens. Evans is a hell of an athlete. Buffalo doesn't have much of a defense, but how much of a defense do you need against the Ravens, who can't score for jack and have Kyle Boller in at quarterback? Plus, this is a trap game for Baltimore, with their bye week up next and then the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Please don't tell me the Ravens players aren't looking at this as bye 1 before bye 2 next week. Give me the Bills.

San Francisco @ New York Giants
Of course I'm taking the 49ers. I put Frank Gore back on my fantasy roster this week, so I need a big game from him. On the other hand, the 49ers are coming off of a bye week, and I insist Mike Nolan is a better coach than Tom Coughlin. Derrick Ward is hurt, Frank Gore is a better runner than Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward combined anyway. Alex Smith and Vernon Davis may be back and healthy, and the Giants are a volatile team with a shallow roster and a lousy coach. I've hated the Giants far worse than I do this season, but I'm still no fan. The 49ers are due a breakout game and the Giants have an unpredictable defense, at best.
Go 49ers!

New England @ Miami
I like the Patriots, I can't stand Miami, I'll feel just fine when New England wins this one by 30 points. Like everyone else, I'll take the Pats.

Tennessee @ Houston
I took the Titans in my regular picks, I'm taking them here. I like them better. I think they have a superior coach, a superior defense, a superior running game, and I just prefer them. Vince Young hasn't had a great passing game so far this season, and he's injured (wait, watch how I spin this). With his injured quad, he'll be rooted in the pocket. That means the Titans are going to pound the ball to set up play-action, that means they won't use the QB option play they've run so much this season, that means when they do pass, they'll spread the field so Vince can make quick reads and get rid of the ball. Also, Houston's defense has been pretty poor in their last few outings, including a genuine ass-kicking from the Jags last Sunday. This is a pretty thin argument, but lest we forget, these are the Texans were talking about. They've had the last 5 years to show us they know how to lose a football game. Jeff Fisher is a great coach, why not take the Titans?

Tampa Bay @ Detroit
You know, I don't really have a favorite team in this one. I like the Bucs, I like the Lions. The Lions need the win more than the Bucs, and I kinda feel a bit guilty about the pounding they took at the hands of my Skins in their last outing. Tampa Bay has earned the right to lose a game with all their injuries, whereas another loss, this time off of a bye week and at home, would undoubtedly throw the Lions franchise into panic mode. I guess I'd prefer that the Lions win the game. Also, they have an explosive offense and Kevin Jones is healthy for the first time all year. Jeff Garcia is due to throw a pick, and the Lions are second in the NFL in interceptions. The Bucs are perilously thin right now, if they sustain an injury in this game, I don't see them recovering, and as more and more of the offense is put on Garcia's shoulders, the Bucs will be more limited and more predictable. The Lions had two weeks to prepare and are at home. Give me the Lions.

Atlanta @ New Orleans
New Orleans is my clear favorite in this one, and not just because I like them so much more than the Falcons. Atlanta might get a boost from starting Byron Leftwich, but they're just as likely to take a big hideous step backwards. New Orleans had a little rhythm going against the Seahawks, and though the Seahawks are truly terrible, they're a lot better than the Falcons. New Orleans is at home and needs the win more than Atlanta. Also, the Saints were in the NFC championship game last year. That must mean something. I'll take the Saints.

Arizona @ Washington
I'm a homer, so I'm taking the Skins anyway. But this pick comes down to quarterbacks; Zona may not have one. If Warner plays, he'll have the shakes big time. If anybody but Warner plays, fuggettaboutit. The Redskins need the win, they're at home, they have a quarterback, and their defense is a lot better. Damn it, I'm taking the Skins.

Kansas City @ Oakland
I can't stand the Chiefs. I like Lane Kiffin and the Raiders. It's in Oakland. KC just traded away their change of pace in Michael Bennett, they have awful quarterbacks, and Herm Edwards is a lousy coach. Give me Oakland's defense over Kansas City's any day. Oakland has more big play potential, and they've been tough in every game this year. The Raiders will win.

New York Jets @ Cincinnati
I don't really like the Bengals, I really don't like the Jets. The Bengals have an explosive offense and are at home, the Jets have an anemic offense and are on the road. The defenses are a push. Home field advantage + better offense + I like them better = Go Bengals.

Minnesota @ Dallas
Ok, here goes. Dallas hasn't beaten anybody with a winning record, and they got pounded by New England. Minnesota has the best individual player in this game, a super-duper strong two-headed ground attack, and a tough as hell defense. This could be a trap game for Dallas, coming off their big loss. They could very easily look at this as an easy, get-healthy game against an inferior opponent. Tony Romo has looked suspect in two straight outings, and the Vikings pass-rush is quite fearsome. Wow, that looks pretty thin. Holy shit, that really is pretty pathetic. Screw it, GOOOOOO VIKINGS!

Chicago @ Philadelphia
I don't really prefer either team in this game. I like Donovan McNabb a lot, I'm a big Brian Westbrook fan, I still believe in Andy Reid. I like Lovie Smith a lot, I don't give two shits about Cedric Benson, and Brian Griese can kiss my ass. I'm not too psyched about another strong NFC East team, but on the other hand, I'm not sure I'll know how to process an NFL where the Eagles aren't stomping around bullying the rest of the division. Also, it's in Philly, Chicago's defense has been really awful, they have no offense, and McNabb and Westbrook are the two best offensive players in the game. Oh, and L. J. Smith is getting healthy, he's a nice weapon for McNabb. I like the Eagles.

St. Louis @ Seattle
Blech. Uhh, I guess I like underdogs. Seattle is a lousy, overrated team. They crapped the bed against the winless Saints. The Rams have Marc Bulger back, and that really does mean something, especially if he's healthy. I can't believe the only thing they had behind Stephen Jackson was rookie Brian Leonard, a fullback from Rutgers. Yipe. Wait . . .what am I doing? Undermining my pick? Tory Holt is explosive and dangerous, Bulger can still sling it around, the Rams need a win, the Seahawks are a fraud. Go Rams!

Pittsburgh @ Denver
I really really like the Steelers this year and it probably has a lot to due with me really wanting Mike Tomlin to work out as a head coach in the NFL. I respect the Rooney family and the Steelers franchise for their loyalty to their head coaches. As for Denver, I've always been luke-warm about the Broncos, at best, and never much more than luke-warm for Mike Shanahan, though I do think he's been a good head coach and deserves better than the constant questions about his future in Denver. Therefore, I want the Steelers to win this game. Also, I think they ought to win the game, having the better quarterback, better receiving corps, and much much better defense. The Broncos seem to be in nose-dive mode right now, and the Steelers have not been the kind of team to let nose-diving squads up off the mat. I don't feel like a very compelling argument is needed here, I'd bet everyone outside of Colorado is taking the Steelers, and so am I.

Indianapolis @ Jacksonville
I prefer the Colts by a factor of 10. I like everything about this team. I have every reason in the world to root for the Jaguars, including the fact that I like Fred Taylor, Maurice Jones-Drew, David Gerrard, their entire defense, even Reggie Williams. But I can't stand Jack Del Rio, so I'll never root for this team. The Colts are undefeated, they've got all their players back healthy, and the Jaguars look pretty familiar to them. David Gerrard is bound to throw an interception sooner or later, why not when Dwight Freeney is bearing down on him, or Bob Sanders is causing his receivers to short-arm his throws, or Indy's speedy linebackers are flying around in coverage, or his team is down by two scores to an explosive Colts offense? Yeah, I'm taking the Colts.

There you have it. I only picked 3 games differently from my regular picks, but I swear to you, if this set of picks is more successful, even by one game, than the regular set, I'm sticking with it for another week, at least.