More Sports than a Mo'Fo.

A little football, a little futbol, a little hoops, even a little baseball. Why not?

Football
1. The Redskins head-coach search has reached the point of total absurdity. Steve Spagnuola and Dan Snyder are probably the only two people in the world that know why Spags won't be taking the reigns in Washington, but with him out of the picture and no new candidates surfacing, it appears the job now belongs to Jim Fassell. I'm not sure I can emphasize this enough: nobody wants Jim Fassell to be the next head coach of the Washington Redskins. Of course, when I say "nobody", I'm referring to Skins fans. There's almost no reason to be optimistic about this. What did Fassell do right, really, in his time in New York? He took them to the playoffs and then to the Super Bowl . . . but the team he left behind improved dramatically after he left, and he had at LEAST two H-O-F players on his team, not to mention a team of coordinators that included (we should not forget about this) Sean Payton and John Fox. If anything, he wasted a draft pick on Ron Dayne and then failed to develop him, his team chronically underachieved, got humiliated in the Super Bowl, and became a running joke for Fassell's behavior and the grumbling of his players. This is a disaster. Spagnuola might not be ready to be a head-coach; even if he is, he might not be a great head coach, but at least he's young, talented, and has what Fassell does not: a Super Bowl ring. In addition to doinking out in New York, Fassell then took over the offensive play-calling duties in Baltimore, and led the Ravens offense straight through a stretch of epic mediocrity, after which he was fired by his good friend Brian Billick! Being fired by Brian Billick for incompetence is like being called ugly by Quasimoto.
2. Spygate has reached a point, now, where I'm more worried about the NFL's reputation and integrity than I am about the New England Patriots. As far as I'm concerned, and I'm only as informed as anybody else who only knows what they read in the news, there's no doubt the Patriots have been cultivating a culture of cheating since Bill Belichick has been in town. Oh well. I pretty firmly believe there are more than a handful of other teams that are guilty of the same atrocities, but the Patriots were caught, and were punished for the specific violations related to their opening game against the Jets. Even then, I had the sense that the NFL was acting more on behalf of the New England Patriots than they were on behalf of the integrity of the game, perhaps sensing that the Patriots were looking at a potentially special season and not wanting to cloud it with scandal. Roger Goodell gambled, in one of his first major acts as commissioner, and now instead of maintaining the early reputation as the hard-ass by-the-books dictator he'd set up for himself, he's become the exact opposite, and a hypocrite to boot: while he was quick to hand down severe punishment to players who broke society's laws and damaged the reputation of the NFL, he went out of his way to buffer reaction to an extreme violation of the NFL's own rulebook, and in so doing, compromised the reputation of the league far beyond what any misdeed by any individual player could do. His current backpedaling, by offering legal cover for Matt Walsh if he reveals any information he has, by insisting he's willing to re-address the Spygate scandal and punishment, makes his early efforts to skate past the entire thing that much more obvious. Yes, its early in Roger Goodell's tenure as NFL Commissioner, and no, there isn't anyone paying attention to anything I have to say on the matter, but Goodell should resign as NFL head honcho. I mean it. In my lifetime, I can't remember a time when the NFL's credibility was in question, let alone to such a dramatic extent. Instead of being ashamed of the Patriots for cheating, I'm ashamed of the NFL and Goodell for trying to sweep it under the rug, which puts them squarely in the pocket of those breaking the rules, and the opponent of those fans, teams, and players who were rightfully angry with Belichick for compromising the sport. The league has embarrassed itself and attempted to cover up a cheating scandal to save a marquee franchise from further penalties and public-relations backlash. What's the other possibility? That Goodell and his league executives were so incompetent, in the face of Spygate, that they . . . what . . . forgot to contact people who previously worked specifically at compiling and managing New England's stockpile of video? I don't believe that. If that's the case, the NFL is more fucked than I thought.

Soccer
1. Last night, the U.S. Men's National Soccer Team played Mexico's National Team in a friendly in Houston, working to a 2-2 draw. I couldn't watch the game, not exactly. See, I have what can only be described as a frozen neck: a few nights back (Super Bowl night, now that I think about it), I must have slept wrong or something, because I woke up with a bad headache and a sore neck (I'm sure the heavy drinking had nothing to do with it). Monday, the headache was back, but I'm not sure I noticed the neck. Tuesday, the headache was mostly gone, but the left side of my neck was hurting pretty bad. By Wednesday afternoon, I couldn't turn my head in any direction, nor could I sneeze without shrieking in pain, nor could I get up off the couch once I'd finally laid down. I couldn't cook, couldn't talk on the phone, couldn't even really talk. The only thing I could do, it seemed, was lie perfectly still on my back, staring straight up in the air. Needless to say, I wailed in pain and cursed the ceiling. When the soccer match started, my wife was good enough to get me a mirror, which I was able to use to angle the light from the TV, such that I had a screwy, diagonally aligned and very small picture of the action. A few notes: A) the U.S. team's defense was a big let-down. The U.S. team was towering over the Mexico team. This is never lost on me: every time I've seen the Mexico team play, I'm struck by their organization, their sharpness, and the quality of their touches. I'm also struck by their diminutive stature and general lack of top-flight talent. Gio Dos Santo is hella-fast and an explosive player, worthy of his spot on Barcelona, but he's a shrimp. The U.S. team, by contrast, has a number of big, strong players, mostly on defense. That Mexico scored both their goals from set-pieces is a huge disappointment, especially since they did what short teams must do on both, which is attack the back post. The U.S. defenders looked caught out of position on both and unprepared to play the back-post, which is pretty puzzling. B) The future of U.S. soccer was on display for the first time I can remember. Jozy Altidore is an absolute monster, a fantastic finisher and the unquestioned gem of MLS and U.S. soccer. He went 90 minutes and was outstanding. Freddy Adu made several eye-popping moves with the ball, and was generally unbelievable on his first touches and close control. Maurice Edu came on very late, but made a few nice plays. Oguchi Onyewu was a difference maker and scored a goal, owing to his impressive size. Anybody that's seen team U.S.A play is excited about him. I can't see any reason these four players shouldn't always always ALWAYS be on the pitch for the U.S. side. They're the future. As for Landon Donovan, I've got nothing against the guy, but he's just not special and he psychs himself out of big matches, failing to do much of anything last night. Eddie Johnson is trying to make his mark on a European club, I can understand him not giving time to the U.S. team. He's a good player. Clint Dempsey didn't do much of anything last night, but he's making a mark at Fulham, which doesn't mean much since they're this close to relegation out of the Premiere League. Still, there are a handful of young and young-ish players worth a damn on the U.S. side, and they should always, always, always be on the pitch together.

Basketball
Shaq was traded to the Phoenix Suns. I don't yet have an opinion, because HE HASN'T YET PLAYED EVEN ONE MINUTE WITH THE PHOENIX SUNS. How about all these dick-wads who're busy criticizing Steve Kerr for the move shut up for a minute and let this thing play out? Let's not forget, Steve Kerr has assembled one of the NBA's best and deepest squads, stockpiling draft picks and then smartly dealing them for quality players. Let's give this guy some credit, eh? As for the Heat, hey, if it works, bravo. I wonder who'll set Shawn Marion up for buckets in Miami, since they've been tragically low on playmaking for several years. I wonder how he'll get shots, and how, since he's never had a play run for him in his professional career, he'll adapt to having to be one of the go-to guys. I wonder how soon he'll get sick of losing. I wonder if the already disastrous chemistry of the Miami Heat can withstand the addition of a guy who eagerly left one of the NBA's best teams, a team considered by many to be a championship contender and a team perfectly suited to his unique talents, to play for a bottom-feeder with an aging coach and a disjointed roster. Once upon a time, I really liked Shawn Marion, but I have to wonder about a guy who is more interested in being "the guy" on any team than he is in being "a guy" on a contender.

Baseball
Brain McNamee now has produced physical evidence that he claims irrefutably proves the Roger Clemens used performance enhancing drugs. Was anybody unsure about this? Who out there doesn't know already that Clemens has been juiced in his career? Roger's lawyers probably resist the urge to make little quote marks in the air whenever they issue a denial at this point. Somewhere along the way, Roger decided he'd just never cop to it, not ever, and he'd issue the strongest denial possible as a way of painting himself in. No matter what happens from here on, I doubt Clemens will ever back down from his totally unbelievable claim that he never took performance enhancers. As for McNamee, isn't it interesting how going up against an arrogant, belligerent, bully like Clemens can turn a shit-head into a sympathetic character? Who is Brian McNamee? This is a guy that works for, admires, even worships total pricks like Clemens and Andy Petitte, who helps them juice, who protects them from being caught for cheating at their profession, but makes sure to keep a bloody piece of gauze, used needles, and tainted syringes in case they ever deny using performance enhancing drugs. On the hierarchy of total reprehensible loser-dom, McNamee might be only a rung or two above the very pricks I hope he brings down. Baseball is a fucking joke, the only way I can even root for a team at all is if its stuffed with skinny, soft-spoken slap-hitters and lanky, rubber-armed knuckle-ballers. Is there a team like that? No. Will there ever be? No. MLB is a total crock, top to bottom.

There you have it.