I am GREETEST! Now I am Laving! For No Raisin!

I didn't have so much fun this Sunday. Yeah, I went 11-4 on my picks, that's nice. My fantasy team was utter, utter trash behind the continued poor play of Drew Brees. I hate that guy. He's killed my chances, that bastard.

Anyway . . .

Houston over New Orleans, 23-10
My Pick: New Orleans over Houston, 34-27

Yeah, I was way off here. Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson were awesome, whereas the Saints defense was garbage, and Drew Brees continues to suck. Reggie Bush didn't do jack in this one. The Saints are out of the playoff discussion. Tampa will win the South. Mark the NFC South as one more division that has officially sorted itself out. Yay! By the by, the NFC East and the AFC South are entirely .500 or better, top to bottom. I have to say, I think that's really something.

Indianapolis over Kansas City, 13-10
My Pick: Indianapolis over Kansas City, 24-10

Yeesh. There are probably a few Indy fans tugging at their collars right about now. They very nearly pulled a Pittsburgh and crapped the bed against a woefully incompetent opponent. Payton Manning could hardly have played any worse, but I've got to think that comes down to there being basically no healthy targets on his offense. The thing is, they've got to figure this receiver situation out or they won't advance in the playoffs. It's ok to rest Marvin Harrison until he's 100%, but they'd better be able to expect a whole hell of a lot more from their offense once he gets back, and I'm not sure one receiver makes that big a difference. Indy loses this game to just about any other team in football.

Minnesota over Oakland, 29-22
My Pick: Minnesota over Oakland, 10-7

I got the result right. Nice game from Chester Taylor. That's it!

New York Giants over Detroit Lions, 16-10
My Pick: Detroit Lions over New York Giants, 28-10

You know, everyone is using this game as evidence that the Giants will not collapse this season. I'm not sold on that, but this was an important win for them. I correctly predicted a big injury to a key player, as Mathias Kiwanuka broke his leg in this one. The thing is, to only put up 16 points on the Lions, who got fewer than 20 rushing yards for the second week in a row, isn't a sign of a humming offense. In fact, it's something to worry about. Why can't Eli Manning seem to get the ball in the endzone? As for Detroit, how does that ten win prediction look now? They've got two games left against Green Bay, and they need to go 4-2 the rest of the way to get to that all important mark. Hmmmmmm . . . not if they can't get 50 yards rushing in two games.

Philadelphia over Miami, 17-7
My Pick: Philadelphia over Miami, 31-17

Gross. Philadelphia gets to .500 just in time to lose their quarterback. Nice. Hey Philly fans, you get your wish! Good luck with A. J. Feeley!

Jacksonville over San Diego, 24-17
My Pick: Jacksonville over San Diego, 24-20

Good win for the Jaguars. They're a good team, especially with David Garrard running the show. He may never put up huge passing stats, but he's efficient, doesn't turn the ball over, and finds his open receivers and allows them to make plays. He's not Trent Dilfer: he doesn't go out there to not lose the game, but like Dilfer's Super Bowl run in Baltimore, he doesn't kill his team with turnovers and he sustains drives. As for San Diego, did you see Maurice Jones-Drew flatten Sean Merriman? Holy shit! Honestly, it reminded me of two things: who was that huge guy the Packers drafted way back when after he took his senior year off to lift weights at Venice Beach? You know the guy, he was using 'roids, and as soon as he came off the juice he was getting tossed around by d-lineman like a ragdoll? Also, Lattimer from The Program. The theme there is players who came off the juice and wilted like the Italian parsley in my fridge. I hope that's not the case with Merriman, but in case you missed it: Merriman, all 272 pounds of him, came in on a pass rush near the goal line and was absolutely Truck-Sticked by Jones-Drew, who goes about 212 soaking wet. Flattened. He never got near David Garrard, who easily tossed a touchdown to Mercedes Lewis on the play. Wow.

Arizona over Cincinnati, 35-27
My Pick: Cincinnati over Arizona, 28-24

This was such a typical Bengals game. They came out totally flat and let Arizona get out ahead. Then Palmer got going when they abandoned the running game, Cincy climbed back into it, and Palmer had gaudy numbers. Then they killed themselves with turnovers and Arizona ran away with it. You know what? Carson Palmer sucks until he does this for a team that isn't the most fragile, baby-ish bullshit bunch in the NFL. He sucks. Congratulations on tossing for over 300 yards for the umpteenth time in a losing effort. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson and Chris Henry all suck too. Win a meaningful game, for a change. I hate that team.

Cleveland over Baltimore, 33-30
My Pick: Cleveland over Baltimore, 27-19

I almost puked when the goal-post refs blew the call on that game-tying field goal. Ask my wife. I hit a pitch in my whining that very nearly shattered every glass in my kitchen. I had to change the channel for 5 minutes and meditate back down to a calm state. No, really. Shame on Baltimore for almost spoiling one of the great stories of the 2007 season. And seriously, shame on Brian "Big Baby" Billick for daring to complain about the call on that all-important field goal at the end of regulation. Would he dare suggest they got it wrong? Every fan in America knew that ball was in the second they showed the slow-mo replay. Also, way to go Cleveland! They took the season series from the Ravens, and they did it by shoving Jamal Lewis down Baltimore's throat. I would have preferred a few touchdown passes from Derek Anderson, but hey, I'll take it. Cleveland is in big-time position for a post-season appearance. Their schedule from here is CAKE. Whereas Jacksonville and Tennessee have some tough games left, the Browns have diddly-poo. Nice. A real race down the stretch. Go Browns!

Green Bay over Carolina, 31-17
My Pick: Green Bay over Carolina, 21-14

That's how you do it, right there. A banged-up, hanging-on team comes to town with virtually no reason to win, and you pound 'em. Favre was great, and the Packers got help from the running game for the second week in a row. Honestly, if I were John Fox, I'd start sitting everybody. With as many injuries as they have, they ought to start healing up for next year and developing their depth. This team is D-U-N, and every win from here on just ruins their draft position. I'm not saying they should tank, I hate that idea, but I do think they have nothing left to play for this season and ought to start thinking about the future. Since they have to have figured out that David Carr ain't the answer as a primary back-up, let alone a future replacement for Jake Delhomme, they ought to take a look at the kid, Moore, and see if he's got a future with the team. They ought to keep working the ball to other receivers and tight-ends to see if they can get any chemistry going with non-Steve Smith options. Most importantly, they've got to see where they stand with defensive depth, because that unit needs an overhaul.

Tampa Bay over Atlanta, 31-7
My Pick: Tampa Bay over Atlanta, 28-7

Nailed it. Tampa Bay is exactly the kind of team to take care of business in this kind of game. I'm officially giving up on Bobby Petrino. I like Byron Leftwich as much as anybody (more so, even), but the move to Leftwich looks so utterly arbitrary after comparing the performances of the two options on Atlanta. Harrington has been the only guy with a pulse on Atlanta's offense most of the season, he's the more mobile quarterback, he's been with the team longer, and he's performed better than Leftwich in games. There's no reason to go with Byron. They treated him like he was the established starter who was taking his position back after an injury. What a crock. He started one game and couldn't finish it, and he's been limited in practice ever since. Petrino just stinks. Maybe his offensive mind will translate to the NFL someday, but he's got a hell of a lot to learn about coaching a team. From the start of training camp, this guy has been alienating his players and undermining their success.

New York Jets over Pittsburgh, 19-16
My Pick: Pittsburgh over New York Jets, 31-16

There you have it, the biggest upset of the NFL season so far. The official identity of Mike Tomlin's Steelers is the tough, talented team that overlooks weak road teams. Take 3 points off the spread in any road game in which the Steelers are favored for the rest of the season. They have some ugly, ugly losses this season, and they're definitely now only the fourth best team in the AFC. I'd take a healthy Jacksonville team over them any day, in any stadium. As for the Jets, they've found their future quarterback in Kellen Clemens. I love this kind of thing. Up with gutsy young QUALITY quarterbacks! Down with sucky stop-gaps! I don't mean to dis Chad Pennington, but I'm frankly sick to death of quarterbacks in the NFL who can't do more than not lose games, and barely that. I hope the Jets work with and develop this Clemens kid, he's definitely got the tools and makeup to have a nice career.

Seattle over Chicago, 30-23
My Pick: Seattle over Chicago, 21-19

I predicted this would be a close one, and you know why? Because Seattle stinks. They're the NFC version of the Cincinnati Bengals. Why are they leading their division, whereas the Bengals are in the AFC toilet? Because the NFC West is so goddamn terrible, that's why. Chicago has guts, they'll continue to play teams tough the rest of the way, but they've got a lot of work to do in the off-season. Arizona is hanging in there behind Seattle, they're the tougher team, they've got more weapons, better uniforms, and anything that resembles testicles. Guess who I'll be rooting for out west?

Dallas over Washington, 28-23
My Pick: Dallas over Washington, 35-20

I refuse to be a negative jerk about this. Jason Campbell played his ass off. Santana Moss had a big game. The Skins banged up offensive line worked hard and played with pride. I was disappointed that the Redskins managed to lose another game they led at halftime, but they were such overwhelming underdogs in this game, I was just happy they were in the game. The absence of Sean Taylor really hurt this team, but that's not to say the Skins secondary players mailed it in or even played all that poorly. They gave up three big plays all day and one huge pass interference, and that's all it took. I would have liked to have seen Gregg Williams dial up a few more blitzes, especially after it became pretty obvious that his front four couldn't generate any pressure on Tony Romo, who played a great game in a pretty stable pocket. I think the Skins undoing in this game was their failure to make defensive adjustments in the second half, but hey, that's who Gregg Williams is. Apparently this guy needs the bye week to make adjustments, and you only get one of those a season. The Skins won't make the playoffs, but I really, really like the team and I'm excited about their future.

St. Louis over San Francisco, 13-9
My Pick: St. Louis over San Francisco, 30-17

I'm going to say a strange thing here: the 1-8 Rams, on the road, should have won this game by a much wider margin, against a team that was predicted to make the playoffs, and the fact that they only put 13 up on the board is a huge disappointment. Ha! The Niners are just TERRIBLE. The Miami Dolphins are starting a backup rookie QB, a backup runningback, a punt returner at receiver, and a defensive group so old Jesus signed their yearbooks. (YES! I love that joke!) But you know what? The Niners are not only statistically worse, but I'd take the Dolphins over the Niners IN SAN FRANCISCO. The 49ers are the worst team in football. They wouldn't make the Hunan Dry Cleaning and Take-Out Chinese Cuisine Bowl in Fairbanks, Alaska if they played a Pac-10 schedule. Free Frank Gore! Free Frank Gore! Free Frank Gore!

New England over Buffalo, 56-10
My Pick: New England over Buffalo, 45-14

Yep, the Pats sure did win this game. What's more boring than a game between the out-of-playoff-contention Vikings and the out-of-playoff-contention Raiders? A game between anybody and the Pats, officially the least likable team in NFL history. I don't even care enough about them to hate them. I don't like them, they bore me to death. If the Superbowl is New England against the Cowboys, I will almost certainly not watch.

Denver over Tennessee, 34-20
My Pick: Tennessee over Denver, 17-13

I made a hell of a case for why Denver would win this game, but I couldn't stomach it. Ah well. The truth is, I really enjoyed this game, from beginning to end, and I think both teams have a lot to be excited about. No, seriously. Vince Young threw the ball extremely well all day. Because he's a young quarterback and was playing from behind, he forced a couple of balls there at the end that hurt his team. Every quarterback does it from time to time; every quarterback does not throw for 300+ yards and a score, rush for 70+ yards and a score, and march his team up and down the field against one of the NFL's best secondaries. Lendale White continues to be a force, though he didn't get as many carries as I'd predicted. More than anything, White moves the pile and punishes tacklers, and he looks to me like a guy with a bright future. Tennessee needs some receivers, though. I like Brandon Jones, but he and his wide-out buddies need to learn to look the ball in. They dropped probably 5 or 6 passes, and 1 or 2 of those would have been huge plays, including a perfect throw up the sidelines to Jones, and then a strike to Roydell Williams that would have easily gone for a score. This team has all the pieces they need to be a contender for a long time if they can just add another dangerous receiver. As far as the Broncos go, look, I've crapped on this team at times this year, and Mike Shanahan in particular. Did he screw up a working formula last season by blowing up his defense? Sure. Is his team only a few field goals away from the bottom of the NFL? Yep. On the other hand, he's got a QB who is still basically in his rookie season, a rookie top receiver, a second-year back in Selvin Young, a mostly young and unproven defense, and a whole host of new coaches around him, but his team is at .500 and in position to win their division. More than that, when you watch the Broncos play, they look like a professional group. Jay Cutler looks like a good quarterback. They can still run the ball. Their defense stinks, but they've done enough to get five wins. I'm backing off Mike Shanahan for a while, ultimately because I trust him to come up with a good game plan, make adjustments, and get good performances from his offensive players. It's hard to evaluate Mike Shanahan the coach separately from Mike Shanahan the personnel guy. As a personnel guy, he's out of his league. As a football coach, there aren't many better. There, I said it. I wish Glen Martinez had not returned that punt for a touchdown. Not that I have anything against the guy, but the game would have gone from highly entertaining to really special if the Titans had been down by only one score late in the fourth. Anyway, fun game. \

Two things coming this week: picks for week 12 and a glance ahead at the rest of the season, with playoff predictions.