Week 9 Recap

Keeping track of these games Sunday afternoon felt like punishment. It was an ugly day, and I'm having a harder and harder time keeping this optimism going about the 2008 season.

A week ago I was touting the strength of quarterbacking in the NFL in 2008, and while I may continue to back that up, all the solid quarterbacking in the world can't change the fact that there are only maybe 4 teams in the league that are worth a damn, and maybe only 2 that you might even think about considering great. I'd be okay with only 2 great teams in the NFL, but what I can't handle is the increasingly undeniable fact that the second tier of teams this season is really a bunch of garbage. Seriously, there are 5 good teams: Tennessee, the Giants, Carolina, Washington, and Pittsburgh. Then there's a team or two right on the outside of that group: Atlanta . . . ummm . . . Chicago? Then everyone else is some combination of sloppy, inconsistent, soft, fragile, or poisonous. Honestly, it's starting to gross me out.

And now, the recap:

New York Jets over Buffalo, 26-17
My Pick: Buffalo over New York Jets, 24-20
This was such a bad loss for Buffalo. Not just a home loss, not just a home division loss, not just a home division loss that drops them into third place in the AFC East, but a home division loss that drops them into third place in the AFC East against a Jets team that didn't really play well. In fact, the Jets played poorly. Middling teams don't go on the road, play poorly, and win by 9 points against legitimate contenders. Buffalo is in bad shape.

And here's the thing: Buffalo's healthy! They're as healthy as any team in the NFL! They've got all their offensive linemen, all their skill position guys, their quarterback, and most of their defense. What they don't have, at the moment, is much of a running game, and this is troubling as hell. I like Marshawn Lynch, but for crying out loud, 9 carries for 16 yards? Lynch has been healthy all season, has played in every game, is 12th in the NFL in rushes, and is on pace for fewer than 1,000 yards on the season. What's going on with this guy? Or is it him at all? Lynch has game breaking ability, something stinks in Buffalo's offense. So far this season, he's been a non-factor.

And that raises this point: for all the success Trent Edwards has had passing the ball in 2008, he apparently hasn't discouraged defenses from loading up to stop the run. I read a lot about Turk Schonert's downfield passing game and how it was going to really open up Buffalo's offense, but for whatever reason, Buffalo still looks like a team that struggles to put up points and can't back defenses out of the box. I don't know, 8 weeks in I'm feeling pretty damn pessimistic about the second half for the Bills.

Now, on the other hand, Buffalo's defense continues to look pretty good, and they do have 4 division games left in which to assert themselves. I still think they're the best team in the AFC East, and it's possible they rebound from this and get back on track.

The Jets, on the other hand, continue to be consummate bullshit artists. It was another game in which Brett Favre did everything in his power to get the loss, but the defense wouldn't allow it. He threw a classic Brett Favre "Don't hit me!" interception in the fourth quarter, the kind of chicken-shit turnover he's developed into a signature over the course of his career. Were it not for a pretty damn outstanding day for New York's defense, this would have been another ugly as hell discouraging loss for the Jets.

And truth be told, this game was a dog. I'm not excited about watching either of these two teams again this season.

Chicago over Detroit, 27-23
My Pick: Chicago over Detroit, 28-10
The truth about this game, I suppose, is that Detroit has a little fight in 'em, they actually did come to play, and they actually didn't play so poorly. They're not any good, of course, but I applaud that they actually put up a fight on the road in a division game.

The loss of Kyle Orton hurts. Hopefully it's not a big deal and he won't miss too much time. On the other hand, Rex Grossman wasn't too bad passing the ball and he did make two key plays that ultimately brought Chicago back from 10 points down to win the game. It wasn't a great performance, but it also wasn't vintage Grossman, and that's an encouraging sign. Chicago's season has been too strong to this point to have it derailed by an injury, and unlike at least one team I can think of, Chicago won't use an injury at any position as an excuse to drop meaningful games. They still have Matt Forte, they've still got a strong defense, and they'll continue to fight and execute because that's what they've always done under Lovie Smith.

As for Detroit, this kind of thing happens to bad teams. You botch an extra point early in the game, it comes back to haunt you down the stretch. Instead of needing just a field goal to push this one to overtime where, let's be honest, Grossman was bound to kill the Bears, the Lions found themselves down 4 and needing an unlikely touchdown to avoid dropping to 0-8. A couple things I thought were somewhat encouraging for the Lions: first, Dan Orlovsky still looks like a high-school quarterback when he throws the ball, and he's still the ugliest player on any football field on any Sunday, but he threw some nice balls out there and was competitive. Calvin Johnson continues to look like an animal. Even Detroit's defense wasn't so bad, except that they folded up in the second half and let Forte run wild. I'm not saying they're any good, but I'm no longer certain they're the worst team in football.

And as I predicted, there was no way to, ummm, predict the look of this game. Chicago needed an unlikely comeback to keep from losing at home to a terrible Lions team. These NFC North games are a mystery to me.

Cincinnati over Jacksonville, 21-19
My Pick: Jacksconville over Cincinnati, 20-14
Stick a huge ass fork in the Jaguars. When you lose to the Browns and Bengals in consecutive weeks coming out of your bye, you're garbage.

This team is maddening. As far as I can tell, only one key guy from 2007's 11-5 playoff team is gone: Marcus Stroud. And while I wholeheartedly agree that Stroud is a big-time impact player, there's no way a team drops from strong playoff contender to bottom-half of the league garbage with one player departure. The problem in Jacksonville is coaching, I've never been more sure. Jack Del Rio is a bum, and to make matters worse, they hired a defensive coordinator who does nothing quite as well as he sucks the playmaking right out of even the most talented defenses. Gregg Williams is by all accounts a pretty damn great guy, and I'm not saying he has no business being an NFL defensive coordinator, but hiring him to improve a stout-but-not-especially-ball-hawking defense is like hiring Cuba Gooding Jr. to bring subtlety to a Clint Eastwood picture. Cuba's a good actor and fun to watch, but somebody didn't do their homework on the guy if they thought this was a good idea.

So what you've got in Jacksonville is a mess: an offense that, for whatever reason, doesn't want to lean especially hard on the ground game despite having one of the NFL's best backfields, and a defense that lost their interior plug and brought in a defensive coordinator who removed whatever meager spark existed in Jacksonville's defense. And you'll never get me to understand why a team would call fewer than 20 running plays on the road against a run defense as bad as Cincinnati's. Never. It's like Jacksonville doesn't have a clue. No, it's not like that, it is that.

As for the Bengals, know what? I really love the way this Ryan Fitzpatrick kid plays out there. I'm not kidding. He scrambles. He dives. He executes good play fakes. He even throws a pretty good ball. He's not very sexy, and that'll be a problem because there's no way you're getting Chad Johnson excited about playing with guys who aren't very cool or especially well-respected, but for my money, Fitzpatrick is a baller. If I'm Marvin Lewis and I still have a job in 2009, I'm absolutely opening this competition up at quarterback. I'd bet a million bucks Carson Palmer pulls a Drew Bledsoe and sulks his way out of town. Fitzpatrick may not have Palmer's pedigree, but he competes even when they're down, even when he's taking hits. He pulls the ball down and takes off. To be honest with you, I though Fitzpatrick played as well as any quarterback not named Kurt Warner on Sunday.

And I noticed one other thing: Chad Johnson couldn't keep himself from showing Fitzpatrick up on a deep ball that was thrown maybe a step too far. But did you see what happened next? On the sidelines, Johnson found Fitzpatrick and gave him an apology hug. Now, Chad Johnson is a grade-A prick, one of the most poisonous guys in the NFL, but even he had to recognize the guts the kid was playing with, and he knew it wasn't right to show a guy up who is laying it all out there. That's the thing you'll never get from Carson Palmer: for all his prodigious ability, Palmer is never the kind of guy teammates will feel especially bad about showing up. He's not a leader, he's not especially tough, and he's not the kind of guy who lays it on the line game in and game out. If his teammates are off, he checks out.

Anyway, hey, I'm happy as hell for at least one guy on the Bengals. Great win for him.

Baltimore over Cleveland, 37-27
My Pick: Baltimore over Cleveland ,16-10
I spent a whole pick on Tuesday talking about how this would be an interesting, hard-fought defensive battle, and how we should appreciate it for those qualities. Then these two teams went out and put up a combined 64 points. What the fuck do I know.

I don't have a whole lot to say about this game. Josh Cribbs was outstanding: without his big returns, Cleveland isn't even in this game. They had 8 penalties, 2 turnovers, and solidly lost the time of possession battle. It actually wasn't that close a game, except for Josh Cribbs.

Derek Anderson was solid. Do you realize he threw his first interception since week 4 in this game? That's impressive. Look: I'm not saying Derek Anderson has done enough to keep Brady Quinn on the sidelines. In fact, I picked Brady Quinn up on my fantasy team today. I'll give Anderson this: stat-wise, he probably did as much as he could in the past 4 weeks to make him seem like a potentially interesting free-agent or trade option for teams in need of a quarterback. For instance, in Kansas City. I know Anderson isn't the most accurate passer in, ummm, this room right now, but he's strong in the pocket and throws a good deep ball. Dewayne Bowe excels on the deep stuff. They could do worse.

Ray Rice had a couple of signature stiff arms against Sean Jones, who apprently is expected to play at least 25 yards from the line of scrimmage and make arm tackles. I've got nothing against Sean Jones, but on that long fourth quarter run Rice made mince-meat out of the guy with his left hand. To say he put Jones down would be an understatement: he buried the guy. They had to look for his headstone and dig him up after the play.

And Joe Flacco continues to look like a real pro quarterback. He also looks like an ostrich, but if ostriches can play football, hey, great for them. This was a good road win for the Ravens, and Flacco was very solid. He also throws a beautiful, long deep ball.

The Browns really needed this game. At 3-5, they're pretty much done unless they can string together a lot of wins in a row. They've been playing much better of late, but the 0-3 start was too much for them to overcome.

Tampa Bay over Kansas City, 30-27
My Pick: Tampa Bay over Kansas City, 31-3
I don't really want to take Tampa Bay seriously, and apparently they've got no problem with that. You can't really be taken seriously if you give up 183 rushing yards and need a series of miracles to win against the Kansas City Chiefs.

There's a kind of desperation, especially in sports, that can be kinda beautiful. Late in games, with everything on the line, guys will go full speed even with their guts hanging out of their mouths, dropping limbs left and right. You could also call it determination, and it can be inspiring to watch. Then there's this mess; two full-of-shit teams without a clue in the world, throwing the kitchen sink at each other in what eventually looked just like a poorly played CFL game. No player on either team was able to step up and out-execute anybody, so it became one folly after another, one gimmick after another. The last man standing was a clown squirting water from a flower on his lapel.

Having said that, though, the one gadget play (you know the one) was pretty hilarious. Interesting, too: Saturday morning, my brother and I spent 45 minutes concocting absurd gadget plays in a field by his house, with as many switches behind the line of scrimmage as possible before one of us ran a go route and the other one threw it. It was pretty damn fun, actually. One of our wackier plays went like this: the running back took the ball, headed laterally, pitched the ball to a reversing player, then the quarterback ran a go-route, and the reversing guy chucked a deep ball to him. I think it went something like this: as the runningback, my brother pitched the ball to me on the reverse, only the exchange was screwy so I bobbled the ball and almost lost it. Then I threw an off-balance wobbler down the field, and he ran under it. The funny thing is, right as he stretched to catch the ball, I saw what looked like a tall, lean man in a bright red polo shirt and khakis dart behind a bush. A second or two later, he took off running down the street with what looked like a camcorder in his hands. It was strange, but I didn't think too much of it, until . . .

Turns out, that same exact play showed up in this game, complete with the bobbled exchange, the off-balance throw, the wobbler, and the unlikely completion! I have an idea who that guy was now, though how he thought to travel all the way to Oakton, Virginia for playbook inspiration is still a mystery to me.

Seriously, though, Tampa's defense was poor, their offense was bad, and they needed a long kick-off return touchdown that included one of the worst all-time tackle attempts by the coverage team to even stick around and give themselves a chance to take advantage of Kansas City's ineptitude. Seriously, Jon McGraw, #47 on Kansas City, that was the worst piece of shit attempt at a tackle I've ever seen in an NFL game. Check it out for yourself. I want to know how you run up behind a guy and attempt a tackle without even slowing him down. For the life of me, the physics of this make no sense. McGraw chases him down and dives at him in a straight line from directly behind him, only he seems to miss him altogether. How? How is that done?

That's what happens when you're a bad football team. You race out to a lead, then you let the other team off the mat with a big kick return in which a veteran special teamer totally wiffs on what ought to be the easiest tackle of his career.

As for the Bucs, hey, like I've said before in Redskins recaps, sometimes you win a game you ought to win even when you play poorly. They didn't deserve it, they did nothing to earn it, but there it is.

Minnesota over Houston, 28-21
My Pick: Houston over Minnesota, 31-27
Friggin' protection, man. You can't win road games when you protect like that. Matt Schaub was hit too many times. He tossed a pick and lost one of his two fumbles. Then he hurt his knee. Protection was a major issue for the Texans.

Neither team really stepped up and wowed anybody in this game. Houston showed some second half life, but it was too late. Minnesota ran the ball as well as they have all season, hit a few big plays, and consistently pressured the quarterback. I'm still not afraid of the Vikings.

And just when Matt Schaub was starting to look like a Pro Bowl quarterback, he lays a stinker out there before succumbing to yet another injury. Instead of going to 4-4 and having a legit shot at hanging around in the Wild Card picture, the Texans are probably out of it. Not that Sage Rosenfels is such a bad player, but they're 3-5 and have a series of tough game coming up. One of these teams was going to come out of this game with their heads above water for the time being, and the other one would be sunk. I felt confident it'd end up the other way around, but Houston is about as definitively sunk as it gets, with their starting quarterback down and 2 games below .500.

Still, it looks like the AFC South is sliding, so there's always next year!

Arizona over St. Louis, 34-13
My Pick: Arizona over St. Louis, 34-21
I was sure St. Louis would put up a better fight than this. I definitely didn't expect to see them getting booed pretty angrily by their home crowd. Yikes.

I'll tell you a few things that stood out to me: first, Steven Jackson just can't be counted upon to give a shit 16 times a season. He checked out early in this one, then he officially checked out in the second half. Second, I like Edgerrin James, but Arizona's running game was much more explosive with Tim Hightower and J.J. Arrington in the backfield. Third, Kurt Warner was outstanding. Fourth, time of possession went Arizona's way 38-22. Fifth, though Arizona played extremely well and dominated a division opponent on the road, they still had 10 penalties on the day. I'm not saying that takes much away from what was otherwise a very strong performance, only that 10 penalties on the road against a better team would be a big problem, and it still demonstrates a lack of focus away from home.

Still, good win. I don't have much else to say here.

Let's pause here for radio-station identification:

I started this entry Monday afternoon. As much as I wanted to finish it, I ran out of steam an hour or two later. I wanted to pick it up Tuesday morning, but I ended up finishing House of Leaves instead. That was a whole work-day utterly misused. Good book, though. Then I thought about finishing the week 9 recap Tuesday afternoon, but I was too anxious about the election. The good news is, I'm in such a better mood Wednesday morning, I actually have some energy to pull this puppy together! Seriously, I'll take an ugly Redskins loss in a bad weekend of NFL football any day if I could somehow ensure this kind of elation every four years on the Wednesday after the first Tuesday of November. I'm just sayin'.

But I digress:

Tennessee over Green Bay, 19-16
My Pick: Tennessee over Green Bay, 23-21
A hard-fought slug-fest of a game between two competent teams, and I don't remember either team flinching. Still, the signs are there for Green Bay: on the road against the undefeated Titans, they committed 4 penalties, turned the ball over twice, and their red-zone execution was spotty at best. I believe in the Packers, they look like a good football team to me, maybe one of the top 10 teams in the NFL, but I'm giving them a lot of room here, a lot of room I haven't been willing to give to teams like Buffalo, New Orleans, Indianapolis, Minnesota, Dallas, and Philadelphia. The fact is, at the midway point of the season, the Green Bay Packers are 4-4 overall, 2-2 at home, and tied with the aforementioned Vikings. When I watch the Packers play, I think I'm watching a very good, very dangerous football team, as solid as just about any team in the NFC. But something must be said about their record: Indy is the only team they haven't played disturbingly close this season, and they've lost to the only 4 legitimate playoff contenders on their schedule. Still, at 2-0 in the North and with two straight division contests looming, they've got a chance to pull ahead in the division, and once they get there, I don't see them falling back. Like I said, they look like a very good team to me. I don't want to start treating them like the Saints.

As for Tennessee, hopefully that's as poorly as they'll play offensively in a win this season. Down the stretch, Kerry Collins pulled his shit together enough to hit a few big throws on consecutive drives and put Tennessee in position to kick the winning field goal in overtime. On the other hand, he threw a bad clunker in his own territory in the first half that should have been picked off by either of the three Green Bay guys that had their hands on it before Al Harris decided to throw a tantrum on the field. I'd like to strongly advocate for something that was brought up on ESPNRadio a few days ago: the Titans should very seriously look at installing some packages for Vince Young. First of all, he's healthy. Second of all, he's a winner. Third of all, he's a thousand times better athlete than Kerry Collins. Fourth of all, look at what other teams around the NFL have been able to do with multi-dimentional athletes under center this season! I'm not going to get into whether or not the Titans can coax a lousy 18 of 37 for 180 yards out of Vince Young, because I do think Kerry Collins is the better option in terms of protecting the ball and keeping the receivers in the game, but I feel 100% certain the Titans wouldn't have needed overtime if they'd had a series or two or even a few plays here and there where the threat of Young's running ability had been a factor, especially in some third down situations.

At any rate, it's hard to find a rough patch on Tennessee's schedule from here on. They'll have a tough few games in there, but there's nothing left that should scare them and there's certainly nothing to suggest any kind of prolonged losing streak. They're in great shape!

Miami over Denver, 26-17
My Pick: Denver over Miami, 28-27
I find this whole thing between Joey Porter and Brandon Marshall hilarious. This thing has Brokeback Mountain written all over it. I can't remember a time when two guys targeted each other's manhood so aggressively. Marshall's talking about Porter dancing with his shirt off in clubs . . . that's hot.

One thing, though: in the way that Joey Porter is suggesting that Brandon Marshall is soft, well, he is soft. Sad to say, he really is the kind of receiver who pouts and mopes when he isn't getting the ball. He really is the guy who gets frustrated and volatile, and he really did go to the media after the game and whine like a bitch about coverage schemes and how the other team's receivers were getting the ball more than him. What a friggin' baby. God damn it, I really hate the wide receiver position in the sport of football. What the fuck is it about playing receiver where guys think they can act like spoiled teenage girls and get away with it? Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Brandon Marshall, Keyshawn Johnson, Plaxico Burress, Roy Williams, Javon Walker, Jerry Porter, etc.: shut the fuck up! Shut up! More than any other position in any other sport on earth, you're just a goddamn tool of the offense. Your production is based on the success of pieces around you more than any other position in sports. You're not worth a damn. As a rule, you're the most overrated player on your team. The only reason anybody gives a damn what you have to say about anything is because networks have to sell advertising slots and clowns make good television. You're being duped into embarrassing yourself and ruining your reputation so ESPN and the NFL Network can convince Miller Lite to buy 30-second spots during Sportscenter and sponsor the Question of the Day. Wake up!

And it's pretty hard to call out Joey Porter when he leads the NFL in sacks and has been a pretty dominant player all season, to say nothing of the fact that his team just owned your team in your house and you made an ass of yourself by bitching and crying to the media.

Apparently there was a game here before there was a gab-fest. I didn't watch it. I've seen the stats and the highlights. I feel confident saying that Jay Cutler might be the most overrated player not named Tony Romo in the entire NFL. Like he's done so many times already in his brief NFL career, Cutler again pulled his best Brett Favre routine by torpedoing his team early and then grotesquely inflating his stats down the stretch. Cutler might have outdone himself in this one, though, this was a tour-de-force: intercepted on his first pass attempt, setting up a Dolphins touchdown; an interception on his sixth pass attempt, which was returned for a touchdown; then, following an astoundin 96-yard kick return by Eddie Royal and a Ryan Torrain carry to put the ball at the 2-yard line, Mike Shanahan totally bails Cutler out by calling two consecutive pass plays to give Cutler exactly the kind of rubbish touchdown that'll make it look like he did anything worth a damn and wasn't pretty much the sole reason his team lost despite a dramatically improved effort from his defense.

Bleh. Enough about this game. I'm thrilled Miami won, thrilled Denver lost.

New York Giants over Dallas Cowboys, 35-14
My Pick: New York Giants over Dallas Cowboys, 25-17
I spent about two minutes last week considering whether or not I should root for Dallas in this game and immediately dismissed the idea. Two reasons: first, I fucking hate the Dallas Cowboys, I hate everything they stand for, and I could never, never stand with their fans. I don't care if aliens attack the earth and wipe out everyone but a group of Dallas Cowboys fans and me, and together we're humanity's last hope for reclaiming the planet and repopulating the human race. In that circumstance, I'm with the aliens. Sorry. No way I'm hunkering down with anybody who can defend Jerry Jones, likes silver pants, gets a boner for Tony Romo, makes excuses for Terrell Owens, and thinks it means anything when they call the Cowboys "America's Team". Give me a laser gun and cut me loose. Death to all humans!

Second, why should I want another team in the NFC East to be in the race? Kick 'em when they're down, I say, hopefully they'll disappear altogether and we can get this thing down to a two horse race. I don't understand this at all, this thinking that it's better if the Cowboys are only a game behind the Redskins heading into the week 11 match-up between the two. No way! As it stands, after this laugher, which we'll get to in a moment, the Giants are well ahead but with some tough games in front of them, including a trip to FedEx Field, but the Cowboys are on their ass and can be knocked completely from the race in week 11 when they visit Washington. After that, there's every opportunity for the Giants to stumble and the Redskins to pick up a few games without the threat of the Cowboys pulling ahead. It's an ideal situation, in my opinion.

Now, as for the game, and this gets at why I could never root for the Cowboys under any circumstance, those fuckers wanted no part of this game. I find that offensive as a sports fan, I'm not kidding. There are very, very few teams in the NFL that would even for a moment consider phoning it in against the Super Bowl Champions at the top of their own division, and the Cowboys are one of them. You can't phone this one in if you've got pride, I don't care how many players are injured. This was a shameful embarrassment to football and a shocking indictment of the Dallas Cowboys franchise. The following teams went out and competed their asses off against significantly superior teams despite having jack shit at several key positions: the fucking Bengals, the god-awful Chiefs, and the nauseatingly bad Lions. These teams would trade personnel with the Cowboys any day of the week, ANY DAY, they'd trade standings with them any day, they'd do anything to have a meaningful game on their schedule and a chance to upset a big dog team with something other than pride on the line. The Cowboys, minus one key offensive player, gave up utterly on this game. If it'd been the Redskins, and they'd all but acknowledged during the week that they weren't playing to win, then they'd gone out and shamed themselves with this kind of performance, that'd be it between me and them. Where's the fucking pride? Where's the toughness? Where's the spirit? Isn't there somebody in that organization who loses sleep over losses, grits their teeth, feels sick to their stomach about failing to compete, feels wounded when they get rolled by a division foe, gets angry when someone suggests they lost because of injuries? In my life as a football fan, I cannot remember being more perplexed by a franchise. Oakland may be the most dysfunctional franchise in football, but they've been a pinball for a decade now. Dallas has actual fans, has resources, has expectations, has talent, has a profile. And it's not that they lack the strength of leadership or the culture to keep a few guys from snoozing through a game they were likely to lose anyway, either. Every team struggles with that. The Redskins came out in a huge nationally televised primetime game at home and got rolled, almost certainly because certain guys on the team weren't able to focus in the right way for one reason or another. Hey, it happens. Sometimes a guy or two gets too "up" for a game, sometimes a guy or two comes out flat. In Dallas's case, not a single guy on that team came to compete on Sunday. Not a one of their coaches came to upset New York or make a statement. This team flat quit before Sunday even rolled around, and that's just an embarrassment. Every week I get happier and happier that I'm not a Dallas fan.

As for New York, look, it's obvious they're a good enough team to know what to do when there's blood in the water. Ultimately, that's what separates them from some of the other good teams in football: they don't need the other team to be "up" to get "up" themselves. If their opponent chooses to lie down and lick their wounds, the important thing about the Giants is what they won't do as predators: they won't make it hard for themselves. Out in nature, if a prey animal lies down in the tall grass, the friggin' lion isn't going to spend a lot of time dancing around wagging his tail, trying to engage his meal. He's gonna pounce on the fucker, rip it's throat out, crack it's bones, and start chowing down on it's guts before it even stops breathing. I feel like the Redskins are my pet hound: they want to pounce around 30 yards away, wagging their tail and sticking their butt in the air like it's play time. I respect that, it's cute as all hell. The Giants are a beefy, hungry old timberwolf. They don't bullshit around. There's no play in them. They don't want to convince you to play with them, they want to devour your fuckin' ass, and the Cowboys weren't even a wounded gazelle. They were Bill Murray a third of the way into Groundhog Day; diving in front of buses and walking off tall buildings, hoping for nothing more than a quick ending.

Atlanta over Oakland, 24-0
My Pick: Atlanta over Oakland, 23-18
One other team utterly chickened out on Sunday, and it was the Oakland Raiders. Man, what a sad, sad situation in Oakland. Disarray? Dysfunction? These words don't even scratch the surface of the shit-heap the Raiders franchise has become. What a total, total disaster. They couldn't be in worse shape if they made Sarah Palin their head coach.

Now the Raiders are talking about dumping DeAngelo Hall this week. This is utterly incomprehensible to me. I can't fucking believe it, I don't have words to describe how awful this move is. Al "FUCKING" Davis sent his goddamn talented young coach a letter of resignation to sign this summer because the goddamn guy protested the signing of piece of shit mercenaries like DeAngelo Hall in the off-season, now Davis wants to dump the guy after turning the franchise over to a disasterously terrible head coach. FUUUUUUCK!! How can this man be allowed to continue to run this business? He paid DeAngelo Hall $8 million to play 8 games in 2008, he gave up a second round draft pick for him, he ran a good head coach out of town over him, and now he's going to release him less than a single season after signing him. Words . . . words fall incredibly short of describing my incredulity about the state of this organization. I'm fucking flabbergasted x one million. Shocked x infinity plus infinity. I no longer think there's a solution to this problem short of eradicating the Raiders, Al Davis, his whole family, Oakland, anybody who has ever worn silver pants, all pirates, the entire NFC West, and anyone who remembers liking, playing for, rooting for, or working for the Raiders organization. It's such a disaster, I'm afraid of westerly winds at this point. I don't think I could go to San Francisco without a radiation suit. I'm worried the Redskins will be in the fallout zone and get dusted when they visit the 49ers later this season.

As for Atlanta, hey, that's how you do it. Again, they didn't play with their food, they fucking obliterated the poor bastards. The Falcons are a good goddamn team. They've got lots of good pieces and an extra second round pick for DeAngelo Hall, who (speaking of dusted) just spent the better part of an afternoon getting de-pantsed by his former team. Good God almighty. What is the fucking world coming to?

Philadelphia over Seattle, 26-7
My Pick: Philadelphia over Seattle, 20-14
Donovan McNabb is damn lucky this game wasn't played in Philadelphia. And that's all I have to say about that.

Indianapolis over New England, 18-15
My Pick: Indianapolis over New England, 27-21
I can't honestly tell you anything about this game. It's got to be a bit disconcerting for the Pats that they could only muster 15 points against Indianapolis, but neither team came out of this game in too bad shape. Indy is still hanging around the outskirts of the playoff hunt, while New England is still in solid shape in the AFC East. Both teams bore the shit out of me.

Pittsburgh over Washington, 24-6
My Pick: Washington over Pittsburgh, 27-17
That's some fucking defense they've got over there in Pittsburgh. Jesus effing Christ. They don't give away a damn thing, do they?

A few quick notes about the Redskins before I wrap this mother up:

1. Execution, y'all. The Steelers tried a hideous onsides kick to open the game. The Redskins were only able to turn it into 3 points. Then Ben Roethlisberger turned the ball over in his own territory. The Redskins were only able to turn it into 3 points. Then Roethlisberger chucked a dismal ball right into Carlos Rogers' gut, but he failed to hold on. If the Redskins execute on those three opportunities early in the game, this one's over by halftime. On the other side of the ball, Pittsburgh turns a Jason Campbell interception into a touchdown. They convert a big third down in Washington territory and turn it into a 1-yard quarterback sneak for a touchdown in the second quarter. Execution!
2. Washington's defense pretty clearly and pretty significantly wore down in the second half. That's the first time that's happened all season, but Washington's offense just couldn't stay on the field. A lot of the credit there has to go to Pittsburgh's fantastic, ferocious defense. Still, I would have like to have seen a little more effort go into getting the offense into a rhythm by just getting Jason Campbell some quick, clean looks at easy completions. Throw a few in the flat, throw a couple of quick hitches, even try that receiver screen, just to get some rhythm in the offense, pick up a few first downs, give the defense a blow. Campbell had to spend a bit too much time trying to find open men, and he took a pounding for it. Which leads me to . . .
3. Jon Jansen is a dismally bad pass protector. Holy shit. This is what Jim Zorn was talking about all along. I'll be shocked beyond words is Stephon Heyer doesn't see significant action against Dallas in week 11. Granted, Jansen did good work against Dallas early in the season in the run game, but right now he looks like a big fat target for any pass rush, and that's a problem. He got destroyed by Pittsburgh's outside rush.

And really, that's it. Washington got punched and pushed around at home, it was a disappointment. They've got to be as tired as any team in football, and I think this is a good learning experience for them: you can't allow yourself to be tired against a team as physical as the Steelers. Do whatever you have to do, take the whole week off next time, but you can't be tired like that.

And now, some week 9 NFL Rankings!

Good To Great

1. Tennessee Titans (1)
Another solid win. The offense wasn't much, but it was enough.

2. New York Giants (2)
Maybe the most dominating performance of the week, but not enough to topple the undefeated Titans.

Everyone Else

3. Carolina Panthers (4)
Didn't play, didn't need to. Everyone else near the top came down a bit.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7)
You don't go on the road and dominate a very good team without jumping up quite a bit. Still, it looks like their utter lack of pass-protection finally bit them hard this weekend.

5. Washinton Redskins (3)
That was a very, very good Pittsburgh team they lost to, but still; very good teams don't get pushed around like that at home. The bye week should do them a world of good.

6. New England Patriots (5)
A discouraging road loss against their utlimate rivals, but they still look strong in the exposed AFC East.

7. Philadelphia Eagles (9)
That was a damn fine road win a long way from home. With Brian Westbrook healthy, they could be a problem in the NFC.

8. Atlanta Falcons (11)
Went a long way from home and obliterated the weeping-stock Raiders.

9. Chicago Bears (8)
Win a close one at home against the dreadful Lions, drop a spot in the rankings.

10. Baltimore Ravens (14)
A convincing division road win in which their offense played very, very well.

11. Arizona Cardinals (11)
A very well-played road win over a sad-sack division foe proves the Cardinals can at least take care of business in the NFC West.

12. Green Bay Packers (12)
Played their balls off and lost in Tennessee, had some execution problems in the red-zone. Still, I like them in the NFC North now that Kyle Orton is down in Chicago.

13. Buffalo Bills (6)
Losers of two straight division games and now sitting in the middle of their division, facing their toughest division contest yet. The Bills are in trouble.

14. Tampa Bay (13)
Needing several miracles to beat the laughable Kansas City Chiefs cost them a spot. Also, I hate this team.

15. Houston Texans (15)
Hey, losing by a touchdown in Minnesota isn't all that bad, especially when you have to go to your backup quarterback. Let's just leave out the exact order of those events.

16. New Orleans Saints (16)
Didn't play, didn't move.

17. Miami Dolphins (19)
A convincing road win in a place that's supposed to be difficult to travel to earns them a couple spots in the rankings. They look like a dangerous AFC team to me.

18. Indianapolis Colts (21)
A strong defensive effort against a very solid New England Patriots team. Indy is still hanging around.

19. New York Jets (18)
That's right, go on the road, beat the big dogs in your division, drop a spot. You're not fooling me, Jets. You looked like shit on offense and your quarterback is a turnover machine. Am I the only person reminded of the 2007 Chicago Bears?

20. Minnesota Vikings (24)
Hey, that was a convincing win over a very good Houston Texans team in a must win game. I owe them some credit.

21. Denver Broncos (17)
What a garbage team. Bad defense, bad running game, baloney passing attack, bad chemistry, bad coaching, dismal division. Go away, already.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars (20)
And they're done. Forget about the Jaguars.

23. San Diego Chargers (23)
Didn't play, no movement.

24. Cleveland Browns (22)
Hey, they competed. I could drop 'em more. I don't think they're worse than the 24th team in the NFL, alright?

And Here's Where It Gets Both Weird and Tricky

25. Kansas City Chiefs (28)
Two straight well-played, competitive outings. I still think they're garbage, but they can at least make an argument that they're improved garbage.

26. Dallas Cowboys (25)
These motherfuckers should be even lower than this, but I'm not sure it's possible. Only the Raiders save them from being the worst shame in the NFL.

27. St. Louis Rams (26)
Lost to a very good Cardinals team in very convincing fashion. That they failed to put up much of a fight is a bit of a concern.

28. Seattle Seahawks (27)
I'll say this about the Seahawks: they're trying. They haven't stopped playing football. Hey, that's something!

29. San Francisco 49ers (29)
Had their bye in week 9, so I kept 'em where they are.

30. Cincinnati Bengals (32)
Really, this was a toss-up between the Bengals and Lions, and since the Bengals managed a win, they got the nod.

31. Detroit Lions (31)
For a second consecutive week, actually not the worst team in the NFL.

32. ___________ (30)
.


I should have some picks up soon, hopefully this afternoon. Peace!