Hastily Banged Out Thursday Evening Picks for Week 14

Quickly, now:

Oakland @ San Diego
The Line: San Diego by 10
Yep. Looks about right. Will I be surprised at all if Oakland wins this game by 3 scores? No. But the law of averages says the Chargers are going to win another game or two this season, and this is one of 'em.
Chargers over Raiders, 20-14

Atlanta @ New Orleans
The Line: New Orleans by 3
I don't know, New Orleans is a crappy team. The Falcons are a hundred times better than New Orleans. On the other hand, the Saints are a much, much better team at home, where their offense can be just absurdly dangerous.

I want Atlanta to win, I think they have a good shot. Know what? I'm taking 'em. They've faced bigger, badder foes farther from home. I think they can handle Drew Brees and his motley crew in New Orleans.
Falcons over Saints, 34-30

Cincinnati @ Indianapolis
The Line: Indianapolis by 13-5
Yeah, I don't see Cincy winning this game. A few times this season they've looked completely dead on their feet. Other times, they've had a little fight in 'em. It's impossible to know what might inspire them to show up and pour their guts out. You have to pick the Colts. It shouldn't be close.
Colts over Bengals, 27-13

Philadelphia @ New York Giants
The Line: Giants by 7
I'm not going to do the whole "Philly might surprise someone" thing. Fuck them. The Giants are 7,000 times better, hungrier, tougher, better prepared, and more professional than the Eagles. The Giants win this game by 2 scores at least.
Giants over Eagles, 28-14

Cleveland @ Tennessee
The Line: Tennessee by 14
Here's the rest of what I started to say about Ken Dorsey in my week 13 recap: there might only be two or three players in the NFL I'd rather sit down and have a beer with. This cat's been cool as a cucumber since his freshman year at Miami. He was a gamer then, he's probably still got a little gamer in him. Too bad this is the NFL, where a pretty startling lack of NFL-grade ability will ultimately negate any clutch ballership he's got left in the tank. And there's the distinct possibility the Browns will have the ball for fewer than 20 minutes of offense. Titans win huge.
Titans over Browns, 37-10

Houston @ Green Bay
The Line: Green Bay by 6
If Matt Schaub plays, this'll be a nice little match-up of talented young passers who so far haven't been able to take their teams to the next level. I do think both of these guys will turn out to be damn-near-elite, Pro Bowl level quarterbacks if they can stay healthy. As for this game, Houston could win, especially if they play as well as they did last Monday. I'm taking Green Bay, because they're at home and they're due. Also, I think they're a lot more talented on both sides of the ball.
Packers over Texans, 24-20

Minnesota @ Detroit
The Line: Minnesota by 9
This game should be a huge step towards locking up the division for Minnesota. Detroit is friggin' road kill right now, Minnesota should be able to pound the living shit out of 'em. On the other hand, Minnesota is a crappy, fragile team, they're dealing with all kinds of controversy right now regarding their interior defensive line, and I don't know if I can pick them to take a decisive step towards anything positive. If they were playing almost anyone else . . .
Vikings over Lions, 28-24

Jacksonville @ Chicago
The Line: Chicago by 6.5
Is Jacksonville up for playing spoiler? Here's a prime opportunity. I guess it depends on how fully they've tuned out Jack Del Rio. I don't know, I'm kinda leaning towards Jacksonville.

No, know what? They won't be able to run the ball, they won't make a serious effort, they'll be flat overall, and they don't have the juice to win in December in cold-ass Chicago. Bears win!
Bears over Jaguars, 21-17

New England @ Seattle
The Line: New England by 4.5
New England needs this win. They need to recover some offensive mojo and get back in rhythm almost as much as they need to win the game. Seattle, on the other hand, just doesn't have any rhythm or heart or resolve. I won't say they've quit on the season, because they're still playing hard, but nothing about the way they carry themselves or play suggests they expect to win. I'll give them points for continuing the fight, but I think they expect to lose and will find a way to make it happen.
Patriots over Seahawks, 28-19

Miami @ Buffalo
The Line: Buffalo by 1
So this is the Toronto bowl. I feel bad for the Bills; with their season all but ruined, they get an indoors, fast-track "home" game against a division foe ahead of them in the standings coming off a 1-15 season. It just seems like such a set-up: Miami will probably win this game, it'll officially wreck Buffalo's season and put them below .500, and it'll just be such a sharp, stinging slap in the face to the Bills, who came into this season at the opposite end of the "reasons for optimism" spectrum from Miami. Oh well. I'm definitely taking the Dolphins. Buffalo could win, but they've looked pretty bad for a while, not counting their 100-1 demolition of the Chiefs.
Dolphins over Bills, 21-20

New York Jets @ San Francisco
The Line: Jets by 4
I really don't care. I hope San Francisco wins. In fact, I'm picking them. Hey, they're at home, right? Don't Niners fans have it in for Favre after some of the old post-season battles when he was in Green Bay? Well, here's hoping!
49ers over Jets, 20-14

Kansas City @ Denver
The Line: Denver by 8.5
Broncos win.
Broncos over Chiefs, 28.5-20

St. Louis @ Arizona
The Line: Arizona by 14
This should be Arizona's big, bad get-healthy game. They ought to roll the shit out of St. Louis. If they don't they're garbage. GARBAGE. An actual contender would flat-out demolish this Rams team in this game.

Arizona plays well enough at home. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for now.
Cardinals over Rams, 35-16

Dallas @ Pittsburgh
The Line: Pittsburgh by 3
Wade Philips gave some of his veterans time off this week in preparation for this game.
Wade Philips gave some of his veterans time off this week in preparation for the Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh.
Either this guy is the greatest genius in the history of mankind, and we'll find that out on Sunday, or he's exactly the utter, utter retard we've always feared. For a team that has a critical lack of focus, giving players time off and away from practice headed into a late-season game against the NFL's most ferocious, confusing, out-of-control aggressive defense sounds like effing suicide to me.
Hey, if it works, I'll be the first to give the guy all the credit in the world. I don't think it will work.
Steelers over Cowboys, 20-10

Washington @ Baltimore
The Line: Baltimore by 5
Hey, if Matt Bowen over at National Football Post thinks the Redskins are going to win this game, that's good enough for me. Nevermind that Matt Bowen is an ex-Redskin who couldn't possibly ooze more affection for his former team into his posts.

The Redskins win this game if they attempt 10-15 passes of greater than 20 yards and keep the Ravens under 24 points. Indy beat Baltimore by trying to gun down their secondary, the only part of Baltimore's defense that is reliably vulnerable. Jason Campbell has a bigger arm than Peyton Manning, Washington's receivers are faster, we need the game more, it's not even really a road game, and the Redskins defense is only 20 times better than Indy's.

So there. Skins win.
Redskins over Ravens, 25-17

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
The Line: Carolina by 3
Huge game. NFC South up for grabs, second place in the NFC on the line, Atlanta in hot pursuit. Carolina looked like a team that can just refuse to lose last Sunday in Green Bay. Tampa's offense looked like hammered shit at home. Again, this game comes down to Jake Delhomme not throwing the game away. I'm probably more impressed by Tampa's defense, but I have greater faith in Carolina's offense, and they've suddenly become a good home team. I'm taking Carolina and rooting hard for them.
Panthers over Bucs, 20-13

There you have it. Wild, wacky week at work, wotherfuckers. Didn't have much time to bang these out. No extras this week. No complete sentences. Must go play Madden now.

Go Skynards!