Playoffs, Anyone?

Your NFC Playoff Picture for 2008:

NFC Regular Season Champs
New York Giants
Headed down the home stretch, the Giants win 3 of their final 5 games to finish an NFC-best 13-3, securing the top seed in the NFC playoffs.

NFC South Champs
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
At 11-5, the Bucs take the competitive NFC South by a game over Carolina and secure the NFC's second seed by winning 3 of their final 5 games, including a week 17 snore-fest at home against Oakland.

NFC West Champs
Arizona Cardinals
Despite ESPN's best efforts to convince us otherwise, by the start of the playoffs most fans will have figured out that the Cardinals were only good enough to win 10 games despite playing in the weakest overall division in football. The Cardinals finish up with 3 of four games at home, and sweep all three.

NFC North Champs
Chicago Bears
The Bears finish in a tie at 9-7 with the Vikings, have an identical division record and a tie in head to head match-ups, but a better conference record gives them the nod and the NFC's fourth seed. Chicago's in with home-wins over Jacksonville, New Orleans, and Green Bay sandwiched between week 13 and week 17 losses to Minnesota and Houston, respectively.

NFC Wild Card
Washington Redskins
Washington finds itself in a wild-card spot despite an 11-5 record. Washington's in after splitting their series against fellow east-coast playoff contenders New York and Baltimore, and then finishing strong with 3 straight wins over doormats Cincinnati, Philadelphia, and San Francisco.

NFC Wild Card
Dallas Cowboys
Dallas finishes strong with 5 wins in their last 7 games, including impressive home victories over the Giants and Ravens in consecutive weeks. 10-6 is good enough to get them in over Carolina by virtue of a much better conference mark.

We Can't Fucking Believe We're on the Outside!
Carolina Panthers
10-6 isn't good enough for a wild-card, and the fifth and sixth losses come back-to-back in road losses to the Giants and Saints in the final two weeks. It's enough to save John Fox's job, but not enough to get them in the postseason.

Atlanta Falcons
The miraculous 2008 season of the Atlanta Falcons comes to an end after they drop 3 of their final 5, including road losses in San Diego, New Orleans, and Minnesota. A week 17 demolition of the Rams in Atlanta is good for style points, but ultimately comes too late to secure the final wild-card slot. Mike Smith goes on to win Coach of the Year.

Minnesota Vikings
Will 9-7 be enough to save Brad Childress' job? Wait and see. Minnesota dumps Chicago, Detroit, and Atlanta, but can't get past the Cardinals in Arizona, nor the Giants in New York. Either win would have secured them a division title and put them past the wild-card. Maybe Childress gets dumped after all.

New Orleans Saints
The Saints finish strong, winning 3 of 5 including consecutive home wins over Detroit and Carolina to end the season, making them the fourth team in the NFC South to finish the season above .500. 9-7 isn't enough for the post-season, but Sean Payton is safe for now.

Green Bay Packers
Even down the home stretch, with the playoffs within reach, the Packers can't string wins together and wind up dropping consecutive road games in Jacksonville and Chicago, setting up a meaningless home obliteration of the Lions in week 17. 8-8 might be a decent record, but in this wacky 2008 season, it lands the Packers 11th overall in the NFC.

Philadelphia Eagles
8-7-1 might be the kind of garbage Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid argue is a successful season in the NFC, but it won't save either of their jobs. A 12th place finish in the NFC and that embarrassing tie with Cincinnati are too much to overcome. Down the stretch, Philly dumps Arizona and Dallas in impressive fashion, but goes on the road and gets throttled in both New York and Washington, dropping their division record to 1-5.

Garbage! Human Garbage!
St. Louis Rams
The Rams muster a decent stretch after absorbing their 5th straight loss in week 15, dropping both Seattle and San Francisco in St. Louis before losing their 12th game of the season in the final week, a one-sided mauling in Atlanta.

San Francisco 49ers
The Niners tune Mike Singletary all the way out down the home stretch and drop every game left on their schedule, including a demoralizing, season-ending home destruction at the hands of a desperate Redskins team. A 3-13 record and a nasty season-ending stretch ensures the good folks in charge of the franchise don't ask Singletary back.

Seattle Seahawks
Seattle plays just as poorly down the stretch as they have all season, lose every remaining game, and send Mike Holmgren into retirement on a sour note. Seattle's 2-14 record will at least get Jim Mora Jr. a high draft pick to start his tenure.

Detroit Lions
The Lions do the unthinkable, finishing the 2008 regular season with an 0-16 record. Virtually everything in the organization is scrapped and replaced headed into 2009.


And now, the AFC:

AFC Regular Season Champs
Tennessee Titans
A week 13 tune up against the awful Lions gets the Titans back on track, and they pound out 4 consecutive wins before shutting it down mid-way through a week 17 match-up against the desperate Colts. 14 wins give the Titans a narrow conference lead over the surging Jets and earn them homefield throughout.

AFC East Champs
New York Jets
The Jets continue their dominant run, adding five more consecutive wins down the stretch to finish the season. With road games in San Francisco and Seattle, New York's only real challanges come in home games against division rivals Buffalo and Miami. The Jets win both and cruise to a decisive AFC East crown.

AFC North Champs
Baltimore Ravens
An incredibly unlikely regular season ends with a division title and a trip to the postseason for the 11-5 Ravens, who surge through the final 5 weeks with only a single loss, in Dallas in week 16. A hard-fought week 15 home win over division rival Pittsburgh puts Baltimore in the driver's seat, and they hold on to finish the season. John Harbaugh would win Coach of the Year in any other season, but comes in a close second to Mike Smith.

AFC West Champs
San Diego Chargers
Thanks to tough home wins over Atlanta and Denver and a pair of back-to-back patsies in weeks 14 and 15, the awful, terrible, underachieving Chargers stumble to shameful division title and spot in the playoffs at 8-8. After a short stay in the playoffs, the Chargers clean house, dumping their coaching staff and General Manager A. J. Smith.

AFC Wild Card
Indianapolis Colts
After struggling much of the season to hang around .500 and stay in the hunt, the Colts put it together down the stretch and come away with a stron 11-5 record, good for second in the AFC South and a wild-card spot. The schedule down the stretch is favorable, and the Colts clean up against doormats Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Detroit before splitting their final two games against Jacksonville and Tennessee.

AFC Wild Card
New England Patriots
A strong push to end the regular season earns New England an 11-5 mark and the final AFC playoff spot. With tough home wins over Pittsburgh and Arizona sandwiched around pushover road victories against Seattle and Oakland, the Patriots are able to stay ahead of the Steelers and Dolphins, even with a week 17 loss in Buffalo to end the regular season.

This Shit is So Unfair!
Pittsburgh Steelers
Before they know it, the Steelers suddenly find themselves on the outside of the playoff picture despite a decent 10-6 record, making them the second AFC North team in two season to miss the playoffs after winning 10 games. Pittsburgh is only able to pound out wins against Dallas and Cleveland at home in their final five, dropping road dates in New England, Baltimore, and Tennessee.

Miami Dolphins
An incredible season comes to an end in Miami with the Dolphins on the outside of the playoff picture despite a 9-7 mark. Miami finishes strong, winning 3 of 5 games, but crucial road division losses at Buffalo and New York ultimately seal the deal.

Buffalo Bills
Like the NFC South, the AFC East finds all four teams above .500, as even the last-place Bills manage a 9-7 record by winning 3 of their final 5. While crummy San Diego is getting drilled in the wild-card round, two very good AFC East teams are watching from home.

Denver Broncos
The up-and-down season comes to an end with the Broncos losing a tie-breaker to the Chargers in the AFC West and well-outside the wild-card picture. The Broncos controlled their own destiny but choked down the stretch, dropping road games against the Jets, the Panthers, and tha Chargers to finish 8-8.

Hideous, Horrible Atrocities
Jacksonville Jaguars
The struggles continue, with the Jags dropping 3 of their final 5 games of the season to finish 6-10. Two impressive home wins over Indianapolis and Green Bay show what this team is capable of, but disappointing road losses to Houston, Chicago, and Baltimore keep Jacksonville well on the outside of the playoff picture.

Houston Texans
2008 must be seen as a step backward for the 6-10 Texans, despite showing continued growth on the offensive side of the ball and some promise on defense. Houston sandwiches three straight losses between a pair of home victories and lands near the bottom of the AFC yet again.

Cleveland Browns
Major changes follow the finish of a disappointing 5-11 season in Cleveland. The Browns manage only a single win in their final five games, an unwatchable mess of a home victory over the hapless Cincinnati Bengals.

Oakland Raiders
The Raiders manage to finish relatively strong (for them) winning 2 of 5, with home victories over the Chiefs and Texans. Tom Cable will not return as Oakland's head coach in 2009.

Cincinnati Bengals
The Bengals continue their dismal decline all the way until week 17, when an embarrassing home date against the equally abysmal Kansas City Chiefs gives them their second win of the 2008 season. Somehow, someway, it's enough for Marvin Lewis to keep his job.

Kansas City Chiefs
The less said about this mess, the better. Kansas City loses every game the rest of the way, including 3 straight division contests to finish 1-15. Amid threats of major rioting in downtown Kansas City, the organization reluctantly fires the worst coach in NFL history and smartly deals away the second overall pick in the 2009 NFL draft.

There you have it, folks. I looked into my crystal ball and that's how it'll all end up.

Actually, the formula was simple: good teams won their home games. Bad teams only won home games against other bad teams. I did the same thing last season and got every playoff team except one. I had the 10-6 Browns in over the Titans, but the Browns fell short. In other words, it may be imperfect, but it came damn close once and that's good enough for now. If it sucks ass in 2008, I'll come up with something better for 2009.

Go Skynards!