Week 12 in Review

What a bullshit weekend of NFL games. As a football fan, I'm insulted by Sunday's results. Taking out the Washington/Seattle and Indianapolis/San Diego games, the average margin of defeat was over 18 points per game. Winning teams in those games averaged an absurd 35 points. In short, it was a full slate of one-sided massacres. Maybe other NFL fans feel differently, but I hate that kind of thing. I like a game that features two teams playing well. I can handle a good team throttling a bad team, but that should be a rarity. I could totally throw back this kind of football Sunday, when most games are over by halftime, and the only people with a reason to continue watching are fantasy football nerds.

And with that rousing introduction, let's dive into the recap.

Pittsburgh over Cincinnati, 27-10
My Pick: Pittsburgh over Cincinnati, 31-13
This was nothing but a cold-blooded sniper shot. The Bengals are wounded, struggling to get their feet under them, lurching and bleeding and generally on death's door. The Steelers just calmly lined 'em up in their sights, steadied their aim, and popped a death shot in Cincinnati's neck. The Steelers are good for this kind of thing: they got Cincinnati's best Thursday night, which isn't saying much: the Bengals committed two penalties and only turned the ball over once. But Pittsburgh held them to 208 total yards and only 25 minutes of possession.

And really, the most interesting part of this game was the weather. Was that cool or what? A nice steady snowfall and some pretty hectic swirling winds to whip it up and shoot it horizontally. That I liked.

And one more thing: Ben Roethlisberger isn't my favorite quarterback in the NFL, but he's up there. For all the shit he takes for holding the ball too long and not knowing when to check down or throw the ball away, the guy's just a friggin' never-say-die gamer out there. I love watching him take a deep drop, give a big pump fake, juke and dance his way back into the pocket, and somehow always find a way to sling the ball through traffic to a guy on the move with velocity and accuracy. At worst, he's a more likable, less erratic, younger version of Brett Favre. At best, he's a rumblin', stumblin', playaction assassin. His numbers weren't fantastic against the Bengals, but he found a nice little groove there spotting guys on deep middle routes and selling all the little play-fakes and screens the Steelers rolled out. He's fun to watch when he's on.

Baltimore over Philadelphia, 36-7
My Pick: Baltimore over Philadelphia, 20-17
Ouch. You've got to give it to the Eagles: they sure as hell weren't going to let NFL fans spend the rest of the year trying to figure them out. They came out on Sunday and put all doubts to rest: they're garbage. Throw them immediately on the scrap heap of teams in total disarray.

They had no business being on the field with Baltimore on Sunday. No business! Other than a fine kick return by Quincy Demps, not one single part of Philadelphia's team was even remotely respect-worthy. The play-calling was atrocious. Donovan McNabb shrugged and yawned his way through a half of flat-out abysmal football before Andy Reid finally placated Philly's awful fans by completely selling Kevin Kolb up the river. Seriously, maybe next time, Reid could be a little less subtle when Philly's fans start bitching and just tie Kevin Kolb to the railroad tracks. How cruel and how juvenile to send Kolb out there to have his genitals mutilated against Baltimore's defense for a half of football, only to re-assert McNabb's place on the depth chart immediately after the game. "Hey, you asked for it, guys. You think he's so great? Here's his ass on a platter! How do you like him now?"

Philly's offensive line was just a joke. Brian Westbrook, who I generally like but plays with about as much passion as the Terminator, checked out on this season weeks ago and clearly couldn't be roused to give a serious effort against such adversity. And Philly's defense, once it became clear the offense wasn't going to give them any help, spent the second half going through the motions (at best).

And here we are at the end of week 12 of the NFL season, and the Eagles have gone from a team I generally like, fear, defend, and enjoy watching to being perhaps the second or third most depressing team in the league. How can anybody like or root for these guys?

As for the Ravens, it's hard to point out exactly what they did especially well on offense, but when your defense dominates an opponent the way their's did on Sunday, sometimes all you have to do is not cram your head up your own ass and you'll put a few scores on the board. To their credit, they took advantage of opportunities and didn't turn the ball over. It was enough. The Ravens are in great shape. And one more thing: Ed Reed is the last guy in the entire NFL you want to intercept your quarterback's pass. The guy just beat his own record for longest interception return for a touchdown. There are certain defensive backs in the NFL, when they get their hands on the ball, they just have an innate ability to go a long way with it. Ed Reed is the President and CEO of their little club.

New York Jets over Tennessee, 34-13
My Pick: Tennessee over New York Jets, 17-16
Talk about a rude awakening: one day you're undefeated and sitting pretty well at the top of the NFL, and by sundown the following evening you've been de-pantsed and man-raped at home in front of 65,000 shell-shocked fans, beaten just about as brutally as possible and now actually polling at third best in the AFC on NFL.com. Ouch. On the one hand, hey, you're still having a great season. On the other hand, damn, that's one seriously discouraging loss.

Kerry Collins seems like a pretty good guy, and he's been more or less steady for the Titans, but I think we can put all that trumped up MVP talk to bed forever. Wasn't that silly? Nothing like a Sunday afternoon stinkbomb to make everyone glance back at your season stats and realize, hey, actually, you've been playing like pretty mediocre crap all season in front of the AFC's best offensive line by far. The Jets did a job on Tennessee's ground game, and you knew they would, but goddamn, Kerry Collins was flat-out nauseatingly bad through three quarters of this one. Don't be fooled by his relatively defensible final stats, either: Collins completed 9 of his final 10 passes after this game was well, well out of reach, after he'd fumbled the ball to end the last chance Tennessee had of staying in the game or keeping it respectable. Before the last two garbage drives, when Chris Simms or Vince Young probably should have been on the field, Collins was 12 of 29 for about 150 yards. You don't just lose when you play like that, you don't just get benched, you actually go to jail.

The Jets, on the other hand, made a strong, hard-to-argue-with claim to being the AFC's best team and perhaps even the NFL's second best. They manhandled the Titans in Tennessee. Brett Favre was sharp and efficient, totally out of character for him. Their defense totally dominated Tennessee. And New York took advantage of just about every single opportunity. It was a massacre. I still don't give a damn about the Jets, I still think they're baloney, but I wouldn't exactly go shouting about it in a Jets bar. Am I ready to take them seriously? Not really. But they played a terrific game, there was no bullshit in this victory.

Tampa Bay over Detroit, 38-20
My Pick: Tampa Bay over Detroit, 21-7
Wow, it turns out I barely have anything to say at all about this game. I really don't like the Tampa Bay Bucs. For one, I hate watching them on offense. Second of all, I think Jon Gruden is incredibly overrated. And the third reason is the Redskins keep running into these guys in the playoffs, and I'm really irritated that the Bucs are a potential barrier to the Redskins getting to the post-season this year. I'll give them credit for taking care of business and being atop the NFC South, but I'm sick of them, they're not a legit Super Bowl contender, and I don't want any pretenders keeping the Redskins out of the playoffs. If there's going to be a pretender in the NFC playoffs, dammit, it's going to be the Redskins.

As for Detroit, no team is more up in the air than the Lions. What do they do well? At least with the Raiders, you know nobody's throwing at Nnamdi Asomugha and they have a deep backfield. The Lions are so frustrating because they don't seem interested at all in establishing anything even semi-permanent. Because they signed and then turned the offense over to a retired Daunte Culpepper pretty recently, it's impossible to even predict how they'll play from one week to another, and they can't possibly even know what plays will work or how much they should emphasize the ground game, something they don't seem capable of doing or willing to do. I honestly feel like they might go 0-16, only because they're playing nothing like a team that is desperate to avoid that distinction, nor are they playing or coaching at all like they understand the importance of just getting a single win. They seem to be treating these games like preseason exhibitions, and it's both depressing and infuriating.

Minnesota over Jacksonville, 30-12
My Pick: Jacksonville over Minnesota, 21-19
I no longer have any doubt that Jack Del Rio is one of the five worst coaches in the NFL. Jacksonville's inconsistent bullshit is just one of his failings. No coach in the NFL is more cowardly, week to week, than Del Rio. The Jaguars called 9 running plays in the entire game. Time and time again, when faced with a tough run defense, the Jaguars make the decision to shelve their running game altogether and sling the ball around. In my preview of this game, I made a point of questioning which of the two coaches would make the utterly indefensible decision to completely abandon the run; it was the Jaguars, they played like shit, and they deserved the 18 point loss.

I will be disgusted to the point of actually vomiting if Jack Del Rio opens up 2009 as Jacksonville's head coach. The Jaguars are, hands down, among the two or three healthiest teams in the NFL, and have been all season. The only possibly excuse for the pathetically poor play of this team and their utter cowardice in the face of a strong defense is the lousy, clueless coaching they're getting from this putz. Jacksonville is a talented team, and just about any person who even just sometimes watches football can look at this team and tell you what they're built to do. I don't even need to type it here. When healthy, as they are, this team should be able to win more games than they lose, and they should be competitive in pretty much any game. Now, every team gets their balls handed to them from time to time. Even the Giants laid an egg in Cleveland. First of all, though, a team should not get their doors blown off in a must-win home game, and second of all, if you're going to get your doors blown off in a must-win home game and watch your dwindling playoff hopes sink like a stone, it shouldn't be to this Minnesota Vikings team, not with Brad Childress at the helm, not unless Adrian Peterson goes completely berzerk. Peterson didn't even play the first half against Jacksonville. Nope, it was the direct result of Jack Del Rio's poor coaching, his team's abysmal special teams play, his bone-headed cowardly move to abandon the run and feature the pass, that gave Minnesota cheap points and favorable field position for the whole part of this game that was competitive.

Now, as for Minnesota, it's important they not get too excited by this win, if for no other reason than because they're almost certain to come out flat, give up a pair of special teams scores, and get completely dismantled in week 13. In fact, I haven't even looked at their schedule yet. Here goes . . . yep, hosting Chicago on Sunday night. Rest assured, I will be picking the Bears in that game, and unless the spread is 15 points, I'm picking them to cover. I friggin' can't stand either of these two teams, and I'm thankful this festival of terrible coaching is now behind us and these two teams won't meet again for a few seasons.

Buffalo over Kansas City, 54-31
My Pick: Buffalo over Kansas City, 23-20
Buffalo played the big, bad bully in this one, taking out all their frustrations on an ass-backwards circus act from Kansas City. If I hated Kansas City even a little less, I might resent the Bills for it. As it stands, I just give a sad, disgusted little chuckle and shake my head. What a fucking disgrace.

Trent Edwards shook the cobwebs out, screwed his helmet on straight, and gave a ballerific performance on Sunday. Honestly, that's all I have to say for the Bills.

As for Kansas City, look: they've been getting a lot of credit lately for the play of Tyler Thigpen and the spread offense. I don't want to take anything away from the guy, but for crying out loud, maybe we want to take a look at the team's record and remind ourselves they're 1-10. This guy could have a decent career ahead of him, but let's not let that distract us from the fact that his team is undoubtedly one of the absolute worst pieces of dysfunctional dog crap in the NFL. And this is exactly my problem with Herm Edwards and his effect on franchises that hire him: he shoos out all the talent in a fairly broad stroke, pretty rapidly knocks the team down to the bottom rung of the league, and then we all start giving his teams credit for not getting blown out one week and competing despite a lack of playmakers. The same exact shit happened in New York. Kansas City, under Herm Edwards, is an embarrassing, shockingly bad slap-stick recreation of NFL football, week in and week out. Their defense is totally overmatched against even mediocre offenses. Their offense is at its best when it avoids turning the ball over a half dozen times and manages to convert 30% of their third down chances. The Chiefs are a terrible team with virtually no expectation that they can compete with the better teams in the league or have anything to play for other than some sort of ambiguous improvement from . . . what, week to week? Month to month? Embarrassing lopsided ass-kicking to embarrassing lopsided ass-kicking? And yet, somehow, he'll skate by for a few seasons on the expectation that his determined efforts to take 8 years off the average age of his players will someday yield even a cohesive, competitive team. What other coach in the NFL is allowed to hang around on the expectation that someday, the youth of his team will jell and he might just have a cohesive, competitive team. There's something about this guy, he's the master at obliterating accountability over his head and driving standards and expectations not just to the ground, but through the earth and out a manhole in a residential street in China. The day the Redskins hire Herm Edwards for anything but target practice is the day I swear off the NFL forever.

Chicago over St. Louis, 27-3
My Pick: Chicago over St. Louis, 20-14
How can you be sure you're a pathetic, hopeless, once-in-a-lifetime trainwreck of an organization with no competitive drive and not a chance in hell of making anything respectable out of your season? When you put up 3 points, commit 11 penalties, turn the ball over 4 times, gain only 207 yards of total offense, play 3 quarterbacks, 3 runningbacks, gain only 14 rushing yards, get outscored 99-10 in the first half of your last 3 games, and wear a St. Louis Rams uniform. When Jim Haslett is hugging the toilet every few hours, projectile vomiting the contents of his stomach so hard it splashes back in his face and all over his shirt, then dry heaving for another 5 minutes for good measure, do you think when he flushes he sees his career swirling around in there amid the chunks? Once upon a time, perhaps as recently as 5 weeks ago, Haslett was an actual, honest-to-goodness candidate for a head coaching position in the NFL. At this rate, I wouldn't hire him to replace a lightbulb. That's so sad, it goes from sad to funny to horribly depressing and then all the way to me feeling guilty as shit for even having written it, like I spit on his grave or something. A grave he'll be inhabiting soon, after he barfs up his still-beating heart.

I predicted the Bears would ride Matt Forte to victory, and though they did, I wasn't exactly correct. I mean, I was correct, but seriously, the Bears could have ridden Joe Forte to victory. They could have handed the ball 20 times to Matt Damon and they still would have won. Still, if you're a Bears fan, you can be pretty excited about what you saw on Sunday. Forte's a horse, and your Bears are getting healthy. The defense played their most complete game of the season, and the pass-rush was really strong. The Bears are still in the fight in the NFC North, and hey, I'm pretty psyched about that. From now on, I'm rooting for the Bears to win the North. To hell with the other teams in that crappy division. There isn't a one of them that isn't playing well below their potential. Among NFC North teams, the Chicago is the only one that ever seems to step up and play over their heads, and I respect them for it. Go Bears!

New England over Miami, 48-28
My Pick: Miami over New England, 27-17
Down the stretch, New England got into one of those 2007 grooves where you knew as soon as the other team blinked it would all be over. To their credit, Miami didn't really blink until the fourth quarter, but it was enough for the Patriots to open it up and wind up with a 20-point margin in a game that wasn't actually all that one sided, at least not compared to the rest of Sunday's games.

It's possible I completely forgot Randy Moss was even a part of New England's offense for a while there, but he put together a classic performance in Miami. Before I go further down the road of heaping praise on the Patriots, let me first say I really don't like their offense, I really don't like their offensive players, I'm really not sold on them, and even if they win out, even if they win the AFC, even if they win the Super Bowl, I'll probably just end up being depressed about the stupidity and inflexibility of NFL defenses, rather than impressed by or sold on New England's offense. And if there's anybody out there who still thinks Tom Brady is as good as his 2007 numbers, well obviously you haven't watched the 2008 Patriots in a few weeks. Not only is Matt Cassel just as good at running the passing part of the Patriots offense right now, he's actually better at the little things like buying time with his feet and scrambling for a first down. Now I'm going to say something really absurd: if the guy under center in last season's Super Bowl had been able to escape and move like Matt Cassel, the Patriots would have finished their undefeated season. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Giselle Bundchen.

Honestly, it turns out I still can't stand the Patriots under Bill Belichick, and I really don't give a damn at all about the Miami Dolphins. Hey, they're having a nice season, hurray! I happen to think all the teams in the AFC East are weak-schedule-inflated, overrated pretenders. I don't like thinking about 'em, I don't like writing about 'em, I don't like watching 'em, I don't like predicting or recapping their games. So there.

Dallas over San Francisco, 35-22
My Pick: Dallas over San Francisco, 29-16
It turns out I nailed the margin of defeat and underestimeted each team's offense by 6 points. Huzzah!

San Francisco was competitive for about 13 minutes of this game. For the opening 13 minutes, they controlled the line of scrimmage, Tony Romo was way off, and there was hope for Niners fans. Then the wheels came all the way off, starting with Nate "Roadkill" Clements, who'll be serving breakfast and cocktails in a penguin suit at Terrell Owens' mansion for the next 25 years.

Seriously, honestly, that's the whole story of this game. Neither defense dominated, neither running game was especially strong, neither quarterback was really all that effective. The whole tale of the tape Sunday afternoon in Dallas was Terrell Owens repeatedly humiliating Nate Clements on deep routes. Seriously, go check the stats. That was the difference. Take away T.O.'s production, and Romo was 17 of 32 for 138 yards.

And if you're Mike Singletary, a 13-point loss to the Cowboys in Dallas doesn't hurt the ol' resume nearly as much as the strategy in the secondary versus Dallas' wide receivers. What the hell were they thinking? Every team in the NFL, since week 4 of this season, has known to put someone with long arms at the line opposite T.O., get in his face, disrupt him, jam him, screw up his timing with Romo, and he'll go away. See, there's this little thing called "video" that we have in the modern part of the world, and teams have been using these "videos" to watch what other teams did successfully against the Cowboys. Not the 49ers, apparently, who thought it would be a good idea to station Clements a good 10 yards off the line of scrimmage on virtually every passing down of the whole game. What an unbelievable, incomprehensibly stupid strategy by the 49ers, and it reflects very poorly on Singletary, who is supposed to know a thing or two about defense. What the hell were they thinking? What did they see in their tape sessions leading up to this game, what were those conversations like?

And now, with the benefit of hindsight, now that it's obvious the whole difference in the game was the way T.O. got completely loose against San Francisco's horribly out of position secondary, doesn't that utter failure of the coaching staff make a strong impression when considering anybody associated with San Francisco's defense for a coaching position?

As for the Cowboys, hey, in Cowboyland, when your team puts up 35 points and your loud-mouthed receiver puts up over 200 yards the same week in which he went on national television and complained to Deion Sanders about the rigidity of the offense, hey, you're back on top of the world. Nevermind that your defense gave up over 300 yards passing to Shaun Hill and the 49ers, or that your tailback averaged just about 2.5 yards per carry on 19 rushes, or that, with the exception of one 22-point explosion in the second, you were outscored and outgained in every other quarter. On the other hand, a win is a win. The Cowboys have an opportunity to get back on track, staying at home next week to face the awful Seahawks before a week 14 showdown in Pittsburgh.

Houston over Cleveland, 16-6
My Pick: Houston over Cleveland, 31-27
Just a dismal, dismal afternoon in Cleveland. 5 turnovers, 5 penalties, 22 minutes of possession, 6 total points, 2 horrific quarterback performances, and a Browns team that has pretty clearly quit on this season, no matter what Romeo Crennel or anyone else in the Browns organization might say to the contrary. Losing to Houston is okay, I suppose. Losing to them at home, that's a shame, as they're pretty clearly a bad road team. Losing to the Texans at home with Sage Rosenfels under center, that's just embarrassing. But losing to the Texans at home with Sage Rosenfels under center when you hold their offense to only 16 points? Houston's defense ain't shit, y'all. If Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson can't do better than 13 of 32 and 3 picks against this defense, they ought to forfeit their paychecks.

Two quick shout-outs and I'm done: Kevin Walter is one of the more underrated receivers in the NFL. Who knows how he might do opposite a receiver less dangerous than Andre Johnson, but to his credit, he's taking advantage of the opportunities. The other shout-out is for to Houston's defense, which played a pretty great game on Sunday. That's it! It was an irrelevent game, so I can't give it too many words or I'll burn out before I get to the meaningful stuff.

Oakland over Denver, 31-10
My Pick: Denver over Oakland, 42-20
Go into a sports-bar anywhere in America and say something offhand as silly as "I hate the AFC West", and no one is likely to even raise an eyebrow. Even in Denver. But go into a sports-bar anywhere in America with "I hate the AFC West" tatooed on your forehead, your eyebrows shaved off, a shirt with the four AFC West logos covered with a big, red X over them, and fire a dozen rounds from an AK-47 into the first person who claps when any of the four AFC West teams makes a positive play on the television, well, you're likely to get locked up for that. We may not be there yet, folks, but we're close. At halftime of this one, I was grinding my teeth to dust. I used to hate the AFC West. Now I really hate the AFC West.

I hate the AFC West because I'm having to re-evaluate some pretty basic, fundamental understandings I've had of myself. It turns out, for instance, that I'm someone who needs order, who needs organization, who needs for things to make sense. You'd never know that by looking at my bedroom, or my kitchen, or the incredibly large pile of laundry growing next to my bed like the blob. Spend some time with me, as I have, and you'd almost certainly come away with the same pretty clear assumption: I don't mind disorder. Well, you'd be wrong. This shit-hole they call the AFC West has shown me, once and for all, how much I require order, organization, progress, sense, a certain structural foundation in the world. Watching, reading about or even thinking about the AFC West makes me twitch and sweat and cringe. It makes my stomach ache. I'm this close to either joining a Yoga class or twisting someone's head off.

The thing about Oakland routing the Broncos in Denver is, there's no possible explanation. Oakland hadn't scored an offensive touchdown in 15 consecutive quarters of football. 15 quarters! Oakland's offense is so bad, we're at the point where comments about Al Davis strapping on a helmet and stepping in under center aren't funny anymore, they're the result of actual brainstorming. They're food for thought. And it's not like Oakland's defense is much better. Nnamdi Asomugha is like a bobber tied to a 15-foot line attached to a rotting corpse.

And let's talk about this game, for crying out loud. Oakland went into Denver and committed 10 penalties. They threw the ball 12 times. They never sacked Jay Cutler. They were outgained by the Broncos. How in the hell do you lose to the Oakland Raiders like this? Well, first of all, Jay Culter was atrocious. His two best completions of the night, by far, were two early screen passes. The thing about these "gunslinger" quarterbacks is when they're out of rhythm, it can be really horrible. Cutler was out of rhythm because his receivers were having trouble creating space, and he was just all over the place. Cutler's a daring young quarterback with a cannon-arm, but among other young gunslingers, like Tony Romo and Ben Roethlisberger, Cutler makes the most consistently puzzling decisions when he's under pressure. He was flat-out garbage on Sunday. He didn't lose the game for the Broncos, but he sure as hell helped. Second of all, Johnny Lee Higgins is just about the best thing the Raiders have going offensively. He scored on yet another long return. Third, the Raiders took advantage of field position, whether it was from turnovers, or special teams, or penalties, or just good defense.

Mostly, though, it looked to me like Denver expected this to be a cakewalk, and when they were punched in the mouth early, they folded like lawn furniture. It disgusts me that a team from the AFC West will "win" that "division" and go to the playoffs. The NFL should pick the out-of-division team with the best record against the AFC West and give them dominion over the division. If that team is already in the playoffs, they should go to the next team, and so on until they find someone from elsewhere in the NFL to fill that final playoff spot.

Atlanta over Carolina, 45-28
My Pick: Atlanta over Carolina, 23-20
This Falcons team really makes me believe that anyone drawing a paycheck to play in the NFL is good enough to be a solid part of a good team in the NFL. It seems like Mike Smith has managed to squeeze every drop of potential out of these guys, and whatever magic he's working over there, I'd love to see how it's done. Another thing that really impresses me about this Falcons team is the way it seems like they're never either too up for a big game or too flat against a sorry opponent. I don't know, there are lots of candidates for Coach of the Year this season, but after Atlanta's week 12 demolition of division-leading Carolina, I think it'd take something enormous for anybody to overtake Smith. It's just incredible what he's done with this franchise.

Another rookie stepped up big in this one, seldom used rookie receiver Harry Douglas, who had a big run, a big return, and a couple of big catches. He also had a silly penalty, but we'll forgive him.

And folks, folks, Michael Turner, folks. What a baller. 117 yards and 4 touchdowns, including a clutch 3 yard run on a ballsy 4th and goal call in the fourth quarter that extended Atlanta's lead to 10. Matt Ryan is playing very well, and that's great, but the one potential downside of his strong play is that it's deflecting attention away from what would otherwise be considered a very strong MVP case Turner is making for himself. His numbers are outstanding, but most importantly, on a young team coming off a disastrous 2007 season, with a rookie quarterback and a rookie head coach, he gives their offense a foundation, a big fat pillar to build around. No matter what they get from Matt Ryan week to week, they know they can hand the ball to Turner 25 times and he'll give 'em something. Psychologically, that's got to play a huge role in this team's success.

As for Carolina, this wasn't too terrible a loss. They dropped into second place in the NFC South just when they were getting thrown into talk of playing for homefield throughout, but they're still in great shape for the playoffs. They played pretty well, too, at least on the offensive side of the ball. The Panthers outgained Atlanta, had fewer turnovers, and held onto the ball longer. Ultimately, the Falcons just made some great plays in the second half and kept Carolina in catch-up mode.

I should really hate the Falcons and Panthers, because right now they could stand in the way of Washington making the playoffs. The truth is, I think of Carolina as the best team in the South, and I can't possibly root against the Falcons. So all the animosity I ought to have for these teams is rolled up and slammed on the back of the Tampa Bay Bucs, a team I have no problem hating at all.

New York Giants over Arizona, 37-29
My Pick: New York Giants over Arizona, 34-24
The thing that separates great teams like New York from the pack is how they take care of the little things no matter who they're playing against and no matter who they have on the field. New York got 201 special teams yards from Domenik Hoxon and cashed in on all five opportunities they had to start drives in Arizona territory. That kind of thing puts enormous pressure on an opponent, especially one dealing with the psychological pressure of playing the 10-1 Super Bowl Champs. Arizona outgained the Giants and had fewer penalties; generally speaking, when a great home team outgains a road team and said road team commits 9 penalties and only rushes for 87 yards, you expect the home team to win, probably going away. But New York just has a knack for making those plays here and there that give them the edge and put the pressure on their opponent. In this game, Domenik Hixon supplied a lot of that edge.

It helps, also, when you hold the home team to 23 rushing yards and win the turnover battle 2-0. I like Tim Hightower, I'm okay with switching to him from Edgerrin James, but are we really sure this guy is an upgrade? You're telling me James couldn't have pounded out more than 21 yards on the ground? I'm not so sure. Sometimes you want a battle-tested veteran out there, and this could have been one of those times for Arizona. New York's defense is great and getting even better, but if you're a Cardinals fan, you can't be happy about the way this team continues to struggle to run the ball with even a little consistency. The Cardinals have been one of the NFL's worst, least explosive rushing teams in the NFL for a few years now. You hear this all the time, and almost never from me, but here it is: as the weather turns colder headed into the playoffs, teams that can't run the ball will be in trouble. Just ask the 2007 New England Patriots.

On the other side, if you're a Giants fan, hey, you've gotta love what you saw from Eli Manning. That was one sharp outing right there. 26 of 33 with 3 scores and no turnovers - great production on the road in a really tough place to play. And the win and especially the offensive production are all the more impressive considering who wasn't on the field; both Brandon Jacobs and Plaxico Burress missed the game. Winning without Jacobs, especially in this fashion, is pretty damn impressive. As for Burress, well, there's one receiver in football who's done more to diminish his value headed into this off-season, and it's that moron Chad Johnson. Burress has only had really two "incidents" in 2008, but how much clearer could it be that the Giants don't need him or his production to have a successful offense? From what I can tell, Eli Manning is not the sort of quarterback who can handle having to force-feed certain guys. He was crap, then they took away Jeremy Shockey, and he made significant strides. Now, this season, when Burress isn't out there, he's even better. There are quarterbacks in the NFL that can handle an outsized ego at receiver, but I think it's fair to say Eli isn't one of them. And you know what? He shouldn't have to. The guy won a Super Bowl and has led his team to a 10-1 record the following season.

I'm legitimately afraid of the Giants coming to Washington in week 13. I don't mind the Redskins losing. I've come full circle and returned to that happy place where I started the 2008 NFL season; I don't mind if they lose, I just want them to compete and be respectable. My concern, though, is that the Giants might deliver a brutal thumping on Sunday, and that would be a real shame.

Washington over Seattle, 20-17
My Pick: Washington over Seattle, 21-16
See how close I was? Pretty impressive, right?

And it turned out what I said at the end of my pick for this game was totally true; I was fully okay with the way this game played out. The Redskins won. They didn't look dominant, I don't care. They looked just like a team with a new offense and a rookie head coach would dream of looking. That's just great.

And what's more, they looked pretty close to hitting on a couple of things that could have really opened up the score a bit. Truth be told, the game was no where near as close as the final score. Matt Hasselbeck was friggin' terrible, just like I predicted. His two picks were just ridiculous. I'm not saying Matt Hasselbeck is a garbage quarterback . . . well, wait, actually, I am saying that. Matt Hasselbeck is totally, totally overrated. He's got a noodle arm, he doesn't handle pressure well at all, he whines and sulks when he isn't in love with his receivers, and his lack of confidence in his receiving corps has a dramatic effect on his play. If Hasselbeck were in New York and Plaxico Burress went down, he'd spend a week making subtle complaints to the media and then lay an epic stink-egg on Sunday. Hasselbeck didn't lose the game for Seattle, though. The whole offense was terrible. Seattle hit on a big run play, but other than that, it's not like they pounded the living shit out of Washington's defense. They ran the ball decently at best. Take out the 44 yard scamper in the first quarter, and you're talking about 85 total rushing yards. Seattle held the ball for only 21 minutes, for crying out loud.

Of course, I wasn't happy to see Jason Campbell take a few big hits early in the game, but once he settled down and was able to process things in the pocket for more than a half-second, he found a nice groove and played a fine game. Clinton Portis was a monster, again. Mike Sellers was over-the-top outstanding in every facet of the game. The defense could have been better, but they played pretty damn well, especially considering London Fletcher and Cornelius Griffin were both well below full strength. All in all, it was a solid win. I'll take it.

It's funny how both of these teams probably have good reason to piss themselves headed into week 13. Seattle has to go to Dallas for what is sure to be a comical blow-out, and Washington gets to host the Giants, who look pretty much untouchable right now. I'm not ready to deny either team a shot in hell of pulling off an upset, but it doesn't look good.

Indianapolis over San Diego, 23-20
My Pick: San Diego over Indianapolis, 24-23
I didn't watch this game, and I'm not surprised Indy won, and I can't imagine anybody out there really is either. I suppose people will continue to excuse away San Diego's season instead of focusing on the fact that they dropped yet another must-win game at home. This time they'll get the pass because it was a last minute field goal that did 'em in. "Man, this team has no luck at all!" Let's see if Norv Turner can come up with a call or two to use to blame the officials.

I don't really have much at all to say about the Sunday-nighter, but I'll go ahead and say this: Tony Dungy showed some real guts in going for it on fourth down twice, once in scoring position and a second time near midfield at the end of the game. That second one was just incredibly gutsy. If the Colts failed there, the Chargers get the ball at mid-field with enough time left to possibly hit an outside route and kick a long field goal. And you can't possibly say enough for Peyton Manning, who completed his fifth game winning drive of the season. With his team in shambles around him and he himself still hobbled from off-season surgeries, this guy has pretty much single-handedly kept his team hanging around in the wild-card picture. Now that they're getting a little bit healthy, at least on offense, they're still in position to make a run. It's an impressive story.

New Orleans over Green Bay, 51-29
My Pick: Green Bay over New Orleans, 34-23
That's it, I'm done with the Packers. Screw 'em. And I'm done with the Saints. It just about ruined my day when I heard someone say the Saints are "still alive" this morning on the radio. These two teams are so friggin' false, I can't stand it.

So congratulations, Drew Brees, on your pursuit of Dan Marino's single season passing yardage record. Your team is totally phony, you're not even serious enough to be called a pretender, and the Saints are pretty easily one of the two most frustrating teams in the NFL.

And as for the Packers, holy fucking shit. 51 points? Sixth ranked passing defense, my ass. I guess it helps when you play the Bears, Vikings, and Lions twice each. Gimme a break. And Ryan Grant is the biggest piece of crap runningback ever. Aaron Rodgers leads the Green Bay Packers in rushing touchdowns with four. Four.

What a disgrace.


No extras today. I might have time later in the week to put something together. I know I said the same thing last week and then flaked out, but it's a short week and I've got shit to do.

Peace!